Boy, I missed the country club these past two weeks. I’m so happy it’s back that I think I’ll drown my happiness in a bottle of beer.
Mr. Belding and Screech enter to tell the employees about a tip-a-thon contest. The club members will tip employees using poker chips and whoever has the most tips by July 4th will have their tips matched by the club. Jesus, this could be very expensive for the club. Is Mr. Belding wielding the same unilateral control over finances at the club as he has at Bayside? This contest is confusing anyway. If the members tip in chips and not money, how do they pay the tips, especially considering these are plain chips without any markings on them? Is the club going to cover their tips as well as the double bonus?
Tommy D and Lindsay instantly decide to pool their chips together and, if they win, spend the prize on something they both want. This is, of course, because the only reason either of them has existed this season is to be the “perfect couple” that is always randomly fighting in subplots. Really, with Scott gone, there’s nothing else for them to do.
Through exposition, we find out that Alison is going to miss the Fourth of July dance. As she leaves, Brian approaches Screech and tells him that he’s fucking sick of Rachel going on and on about her boyfriend and how she loves things from her boyfriend and how her boyfriend has such a large penis. Why, if a person didn’t know better, they’d think Rachel’s dating her boyfriend or something.
Brian makes the biggest mistake of his life and decides to take dating advice from Screech since that’s worked in exactly zero episodes he’s been in. The plan is Brian is going to make Rachel jealous by dating Karen Jensen, a tennis pro played by an actress who was apparently being passed around all the TNBC sitcoms like a well used whore. Seriously, she shows up in The College Years and California Dreamin’ as well. She even gets “Special Guest Star” billing for this episode. Did this girl have blackmail photos implicating Engel in weird sex acts or something?
Tommy D gets a really good tip from a member named Mr. Jayson after he does a really good job on Mr. Jayson’s car. Mr. Jayson reveals that he wants to sell his car for $1,500, which seems like a cheap amount for a classic car even for the mid-’90s, and I’m sure this won’t come back to influence our Lindsay/Tommy D subplot in any way.
The tip-a-thon continues as this easily impressed member gives Lindsay a ton of chips simply for fashioning her leftovers into a swan. She says that’s the prettiest swan she’s ever seen, which makes me think this woman doesn’t get out very often.
Bobby waded into the lake to retrieve some golf balls for a member and didn’t seem to think it would be a good idea to, I don’t know, change his clothes before he went swimming.
At the pool, Rachel asks Brian to join her for a snack on their break but Brian tells her he’s got to go fuck a tennis pro. Karen comes around and starts rubbing Brian’s shoulder, which sends Rachel into a fit.
Screech tells Rachel something is going on between Brian and Karen but what he doesn’t reveal is that the something is a lame ass plan that we already know is going to blow up.
Tommy D is far ahead in the contest but pisses off Lindsay when he decides he wants to use their money to buy Mr. Jayson’s car. Tommy D says that since his penis isn’t made of rubber and a vibrating motor, he gets to decide what they spend their money on. Lindsay tells Tommy D to fuck off and that at least her rubber penis pleases her.
Bobby tells Megan he wants to use the money to buy a new stereo, but Megan wants to use it to treat her parents to a cruise for their wedding anniversary which…is actually the most selfless act I think I’ve seen on this show to date.
Mr. Belding didn’t have anything else to do in this episode so he decides to go swimming and I think I shudder every time an episode shows him in a state of undress. He asks Screech to put on some sunblock and Screech naturally uses Italian dressing instead, pissing off Mr. Belding and sending Screech scurrying away.
Screech sends Rachel to the tennis court to get some clean towels. What the clean towels are doing there is beyond me, but it’s an excuse for her to see Brian and Karen together, which she naturally assumes means that they’re fucking like rabbits.
This upsets Rachel so much that she drops the towels and returns to the pool to commiserate with Lindsay and Megan. “How dare Brian date someone else instead of waiting for me to eventually be single,” she tells them. Lindsay convinces Rachel to ask Brian out to the Fourth of July dance because, since she cheated on David with Scott last season, she might as well continue her streak.
In sitcom cliche number 453, Mr. Belding fell asleep at the pool and has turned into a hairy, middle-aged version of Hellboy.
At this well signed “Cold Drinks” machine, which I assume contains lots of wine coolers, Screech convinces Brian to take Karen to the dance so that Rachel will be jealous when she sees them dancing. NO! GET OUT NOW, BRIAN! Not that I give a fuck about you and your fling with Rachel, but Screech is giving you cliched advice that never works in any sitcom!
After Mr. Jayson leaves Megan a small tip since he only got a glass of iced tea, Bobby goes over to his table while Megan isn’t looking and dumps all his poker chips. He lets Megan think that Mr. Jayson left the tip and she’s ecstatic that she has a chance to win the contest.
To round out our Mr. Belding has a sunburn subplot, Mr. Belding comes to the Fourth of July dance with a cream pie on his face.
Karen promptly throws a plot convenience glass of water on Brian to thank him for the wonderful sentiment of using her like a misogynistic jackass to make Rachel jealous. Brian finds Rachel and tells her the truth. Rachel, rather than telling Brian he’s a selfish jerk who should fuck off, tells him he should have just told her the truth. After all, she’s cheated on David once before; why not again?
Megan figures out it was Bobby who left the big tip for her and says that’s the nicest thing anyone’s every done for her. Actually…that may be the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for anyone in this series so far. Really, it’s a very selfless thing and Bobby didn’t want recognition or to get his dick wet. He was content to let her believe Mr. Jayson did it. Oh my god, someone on this show wasn’t an asshole!
Alison comes back because she didn’t want to spend the Fourth of July without Screech given how close and intimate they’ve become over the last three weeks. God, will they be getting married next week?
Rachel officially seals her “cheating on my boyfriend” status with a kiss for Brian, and the audience is mildly amused. Seriously, they were more impressed when Kelly gave Slater a pop kiss on the cheek.
How is it everyone in this episode is an asshole, an idiot, or both except for the character who’s usually an idiot?
Firsts: Someone on The New Class is selfless, Brian and Rachel hook-up.