We’re back at the country club, where Rachel and Brian are enjoying a nice romantic picnic on the golf course. They whisper sweet nothings to each other while nearby golfers try to hit them with stray golf balls. I’m not entirely convinced this was by accident. Also, Brian tells Rachel she should try out for the tennis team. I wouldn’t even mention it except it comes up again in the episode.
Lindsay and Megan arrive and tell Brian that Mr. Belding wants to see him at the pool. After he’s gone, they bring up the obvious question: what’s she going to do about that one guy, what’s his face, who everyone keeps saying she’s dating even though he’s never been seen. Rachel says she’s hoping to enjoy cheating until he gets back from Europe and it would be a shame if some stupid hack writer decided to do a cliched episode that would make this a point of conflict. Megan also says that Rachel and David have been dating for two years, which officially seals Rachel’s status as a serial cheater since that means she was cheating on David with Scott last year.
Mr. Belding’s big emergency he needs Brian’s help for is he can’t figure out how to fill up a child’s floatie. Turns out he didn’t open the valve. Hilarious stuff right there. Why was Mr. Belding filling this up to begin with?
The only other purpose of this exchange is so Brian can ask Mr. Belding if he can use the employee lounge to throw Rachel a birthday party Saturday. Mr. Belding tells him it’s okay as long as it advances the plot.
After a cut to the same scene where Mr. Belding has finished blowing up the floatie, Screech comes up and declares an emergency. He also causes the floatie to deflate by ripping it out of Mr. Belding’s hands. Oh, the horror! Yeah, Screech’s emergency is that a couple has quit the club for another club. This brings the number of couples who have left to three in one month.
Even though I’m pretty sure this is not a task for two temporary summer workers, they decide that, since Screech took a single film making class at Cal U, he should make a promotional video to rival their competitor’s video, which they’re sure is the reason people are quitting and not because of the utter incompetence of the staff.
And Megan dressed as the housekeeper from Beauty and the Beast.
A stranger pulls up and Bobby’s such an idiot he thinks the video is working even before they distribute it. Oh, no! It’s David, conveniently come home from Europe early to surprise Rachel! Everyone knows him. Even Screech. It’s implied that his time at Bayside overlapped the time of the Zack Morris gang.
This is Sarah Lancaster’s best surprised face. Those acting lessons are really paying off!
Rachel finds David and introduces him to Brian. We’re supposed to think David is a jerk because he doesn’t remember Brian’s correct country of origin, mistaking him for Australian. David decides to throw a birthday party for Rachel in the club ball room because…the writers want to show him one-upping Brian without even realizing it.
Meanwhile, Screech is still making his stupid video, and he’s now outright lying as he sets up in the sand trap and says the club has a beach. Mr. Belding comes up and tells Screech to cut this shit out before they get sued. He says he wants a real club video with real club locations, real club members, and the Real Ghostbusters. Real.
Rachel and Brian go for a walk, and Brian is upset that Rachel won’t tell her boyfriend about her other boyfriend. Rachel says she needs time to figure out which boyfriend she wants to keep, and a dejected Brian watches as Rachel goes back to the guy she’s cheating on.
At the restaurant, David and Rachel have lunch. David likes talking about himself and his prospects of a possible career in football. Rachel is like, “Can’t we talk about me and tennis?” and David is all, “That’s so cute that you have independent aspirations of your own!” Uh, oh! We’re supposed to hate David even though most of the male characters in the Saved by the Bell universe think this exact same way.
Brian sees Rachel kiss her boyfriend and tells Sreech and Bobby he’s fucking sick of her kissing her boyfriend and not him. Screech volunteers to get overly involved in his students’ lives once again as he hatches a plan to get Brian some poon time with Rachel.
The plan? Make David a part of Screech’s stupid video. The premise is that David drives up and is greeted by Tommy D. Tommy D is so stupid, though, that he can’t get his line right, even after a couple dozen takes.
This gives Brian time to move in on Rachel. Brian’s all, “Dump David for me!” Rachel tells him, “Okay! But first go away so I don’t have to tell him right now!” Brian goes away dejected that he’s not the center of Rachel’s existence.
Meanwhile, David is getting sick of Tommy D’s stupidity. As Screech takes Tommy D aside, Bobby, showing he’s even more of an idiot, exposits for Brian every single little detail of the plan, Brian meeting Rachel, and Rachel cheating on him with Brian. David promises Bobby he won’t say anything, which of course is a fucking lie so let’s hate David even more!
At the pool, Rachel tells Lindsay and Megan she’s going to tell David how she feels about Brian. David arrives, sending Lindsay and Megan scurrying around for their next whatever the hell they’re doing in this episode moment. Before Rachel can tell David the truth, he tells her a bunch of shit about Brian talking smack about her and telling David all about Brian and her. Rachel’s all, “This changes absolutely everything! I love you, now David!”
After a commercial break, Mr. Belding tells Screech to take footage of Rachel’s birthday party because that’s what prospective members want to see: footage of an employee’s birthday party.
Rachel sees Brian at the Cold Drinks machine and tells him in a calm and collected matter she’s decided to stay with David. Funny that Rachel was supposed to be offended about the smack David told her just one scene ago but now she just looks like a tired actress in a shitty series ready to go home for the day.
Screech and the gang sans Brian and Rachel discuss everything we just saw in excruciating detail. It comes out that Bobby was the dumb ass who told David everything and their collective intelligence allows them to deduce that David was lying about Brian. Screech decides it’s time for another plan to interfere in his students’ personal lives.
At the party, David invited a bunch of club members who don’t know Rachel or that the party is for Rachel’s birthday. Oh no! Let’s hate David!
Lindsay and Megan give Rachel her birthday present: a pair of wireless headphones that I’m not sure existed in the early ’90s. Screech pulls David away as Rachel puts on the headphones.
Screech tells David that he knows David lied about Brian. David tell Screech that Rachel’s an idiot and will believe anything he tells her so nothing Screech says can make a difference. But, oh no! Tommy D is hiding behind some plants with some broadcasting equipment they just happened to have! And the equipment broadcast directly to Rachel’s headphones so she heard everything! Let’s hate David!
Rachel wishes for the cake all over David. With twenty seconds left in the episode, she tells Brian she’s sorry for believing her boyfriend over her gigolo. They kiss and make up so I guess this means Rachel’s down to one boyfriend now!Firsts: Brian and Rachel date.