Oh, “Zack’s Birthday!” I bet the conclusion of last week’s episode is that Kelly throws Zack Morris a surprise birthday party to apologize for being a stupid spoiled cheating brat. Yeah, and I bet they immediately get back together!
Wait, what’s this? An oceanfront exterior? This doesn’t look like Saved by the Bell! Did they include the wrong disk in my set? It wouldn’t surprise me with Lionsgate!
Zack Morris’s voice is ready to orgasm from the thought of girls on the beach, but it’s strange these are the three they focus on while he’s saying it. Judging by the frown lines, I’d say the one in the middle is old enough to be his mother. But, yeah, he’s also there for fun in the sun and, of course, money.
Meet their boss, Mr. Leon Carosi, played by Ernie Sabella, because I guess Sabella got tired of playing Larry and Balki’s boss on Perfect Strangers but he hadn’t yet landed the sweet gig of voicing Pumbaa in The Lion King. Mr. Carosi is there to be the antagonist and, one by one, insults each member of the gang sans Lisa while ignoring the background characters because they don’t really matter.
Zack Morris is the social director, Screech is a waiter, Jessie is a receptionist, and Slater and Kelly are lifeguards. There’s some casual misogyny as Mr. Carosi implies Kelly can’t be a lifeguard because she’s a girl. He obviously has never watched Baywatch. Jessie is all, “Feminism! Equal rights amendment! Yes we can!” and Mr. Carosi drops his objection to Kelly in order to shut Jessie up.
Zack Morris almost immediately takes advantage of his position to grope two women on the beach under the pretense of putting sunblock on them. Meanwhile, Screech is taking drink orders on the beach…for some reason.
Norman here approaches Kelly and sexually harasses her. Mr. Carosi comes around and reprimands Kelly for flirting with men while on duty because…he’s an ass and won’t listen to anyone? He takes Norman off arm in arm hoping Norman will sexually harass him next.
Mr. Carosi gets mad at Zack Morris for eating in the dining room. Lisa is all, “Look here, biatch, you better watch yo stuff and quit acting like an ass before I give a one two punch to you.” Mr. Carosi backs off but tells Zack Morris to never eat in the dining room again.
Meanwhile, Jessie sucks at answering the phone because she won’t use Mr. Carosi’s five minute script. Yeah…
Slater, Kelly, and Lisa conveniently come in and discuss Zack Morris’s birthday party on Saturday at Lisa’s beach house that the writers decided she had. Zack Morris comes in and they all spread to opposite directions.
She’s all, “That jerk is my father!” Yes, meet Stacey Carosi, played by Leah Remini, who’s a student in New York. She’s in charge of the temporary help, i.e. imitating her father’s assholery as much as possible. She likes to generalize a lot by implying all west coast boys are dudes and narley and surfers. Zack Morris is smitten with her, and later tells the gang he’ll have her eating out of his hand because every girl wants to fuck Zack Morris.
Meanwhile, Jessie’s a slob. Yeah, there’s absolutely no point to learning that, but they insert it anyway and reveal that Kelly and Jessie are staying with Lisa at her beach house.
After being told off by Stacey, Zack Morris is off to organize an orgy under the pretense of playing volleyball with some girls. Stacey comes around and is all, “Stop goofing off before I kick your ass.”
Mr. Carosi also has a thing for grannies apparently.
Zack Morris hates his job and wants to be a cool kid like Screech. He has a Zack Morris plan to accomplish this. Lisa comes in and tells Jessie her beach house isn’t available Saturday because her parents are throwing their own wild party with hookers and blow. Uh oh!
Mr. Carosi gets hungry and follows a giant hot dog around the beach without knowing whether it’s real or a hallucination brought on by too much LSD. He finds the giant hot dog leads him to Zack Morris, who’s selling hot dogs on the public beach during his lunch hour. Zack Morris tells Mr. Carosi he’ll stop selling hot dogs if he makes him a waiter and Mr. Carosi is all, “Might as well. Zack Morris always gets what he wants anyway.
In the dining room, Zack Morris is the perfect waiter and earns lots of tips. Stacey, who’s in the dining room to eat lunch, doesn’t approve because he didn’t ask her if she wanted something to drink. She’s all, “Screech, now that’s a real man!” Zack Morris throws his order pad down and tells Stacey that, if she likes Screech so much, she should just appear in his porno.
In the employee Lounge, which has a very strange blanket on the wall, Jessie, Slater, and Lisa decide to have Zack Morris’s surprise party at the club after hours. Zack Morris comes in bitching and moaning because his boss wants him to do his job and Stacey comes in, asking to have a word alone with Zack Morris.
Stacey tells Zack Morris he better get back to work if he wants to keep his job. Zack Morris is all, “You don’t want my penis in you and you’re acting like a more beautiful version of your father. You should lighten up and learn to let teenage boys use their love tools on you!”
As Zack Morris walks off, Stacey gives a look like, “Oh my god, I just got told off by the biggest jerk alive.” And, I swear, someone in the audience goes, “Busted!” as the rest of the audience does a “Oh no he didn’t!” sound.
Stacey comes in and says she gave them permission to use the beach club and Mr. Carosi is all, “Oh, I’ll just go home now and not question any of this.” Stacey tells Zack Morris maybe she wants his cock after all and goes off as they make nice. There’s foreshadowing and there’s hitting you over the head with where this story is going.
Firsts: Mr. Leon Carosi, Stacey Carosi, Malibu Sands, the gang has summer jobs, Lisa’s beach house.