Mr. Belding thinks this is horrible and is glad no Bayside students are involved in this shit, which, of course, is Brian and Bobby’s cue to come out and reveal they painted “Go Bayside” all over Valley’s football field. Mr. Belding is hella pissed and wants to hand out spankings. He says they haven’t beat Valley since Slater graduated. Um, Mr. Beldng, I don’t think they’ve met Slater yet. Did the fumes from the paint destroy some brain cells.
For those who are fans of random trivia that complicates the timeline of this series even further, Mr. Belding tells us this episode takes place at the same time as Wedding in Las Vegas as Screech is off for a romp. I admit, I haven’t seen Wedding in Las Vegas yet but isn’t it the conclusion to The College Years? Anyway, Mr. Belding continues referencing Saved by the Bell characters, assuming that the gang has heard about the Zack Morris and Kelly super romance since they must have watched “The Aftermath” and gotten pissed off at Kelly’s whoring ways as well.
Time to go to the movies and suddenly we find out that the girls are cheerleaders again and Megan is their captain, despite the fact this hasn’t been referenced this season and, in fact, we saw pretty much the opposite scenario play out in another episode. What happened to Tara Reid? It’s too soon for her to get caught up in a sharknado!
Valley players Brick and Rock show up and, for a second, I thought we were in for another kidnapping of a teenager by a twenty-five year old. Instead, they show how tough they are by pouring Bobby’s popcorn over his head. Go Valley! Create more work for underpaid cinema workers! They walk away laughing and this hella pisses off Megan, who calls them the obscene insult of “Valley slime.”
Megan goes to get more popcorn but she quickly runs into Handsome McHandome-Face here who turns out to be Doug, our love interest for the episode. It’s love at first sight and they decide to go on a date despite the fact they both say they don’t usually go out with people they just met. Why? Do they think dating requires fucking, or is Doug just too scared to have the frank discussion about his genital warts?
At The Max, Brick, Rock, and head Valley cheerleader Heather show up to randomly taunt the gang since they apparently lead boring lives and aren’t getting any so they have to find something to do. Tommy D wants to pound them but Brian reminds him about his anger management classes. Brian calls them jerks, which seems to be a huge insult in this universe, enough that they fuck the fucking fuck off.
At the school assembly for the game, the girls do their cheer for Valley while Bobby violently destroys a stuffed Valley bulldog, but Mr. Belding isn’t happy. He says they need to be friends with Valley and develop mutual respect and understanding. The gang is all, “Mutual respect and understanding my ass! Lynch the lot of them! They’re scum of the Earth and shouldn’t be allowed to walk the same streets we do!” Mr. Belding has surprise guests, though: Valley’s Coach, Mr. Conner…
…and their captain, Doug! Wah wah wah!
Megan is all, “You didn’t tell me in the short encounter we had that you went to Valley! How could you not reveal your life story to me in that short encounter?” Coach Conner talks smack about Bayside and Mr. Belding is all, “Get the hell out of my school before I assign you to Screech fucking duty!”
Meanwhile, in the hallway, Doug comes out of his hiding place in the boy’s restroom where he was hoping to catch a glimpse of Tommy D. He tells Megan that he likes her despite the fact she goes to Bayside and still wants to go out with her. Megan tells him, “That sounds great! I’ll shed the completely irrational prejudice I had against your school just a few minutes ago because the script tells me I should!”
They have a pop kiss, and the audience loses their shit.
At The Max, Megan reveals that her date is Doug and the others are all, “You have to stop dating him right away! How could you date someone who goes to another school when we have an irrational hatred of one another!” Megan is all, “I’m still going out with Doug!” As she walks out, the others are all, “How dare Megan act rationally! She’s our Judas if she doesn’t share our prejudices!” Brian suggests, though, that they might be able to completely screw over Megan, which makes me think he has a horrible plan.
Tommy D walks in with his recently retconned teammates, Meat, Hacksaw, and extra whose name doesn’t matter. Meat, who’s now sporting a goatee because he didn’t already look too old to be on this show, berates Megan for dating a guy she likes. Tommy D is all, “We can’t be friends as long as you’re not under our complete control!”
Tommy D, with Bobby and Brian’s assistance, calls Doug with a horrible impersonation of Coach Conners. They tell Doug that he has to carry his playbook with him at all times to avoid Bayside getting their hands on it, and, since everyone in the Saved by the Bell universe are easily manipulated morons, Doug naturally listens.
Apparently now only nerds can work at the movie theater because Lindsay dresses up like Claire and sends sudden-employee Milton on break. Milton, continuing the trend of everyone being an idiot, doesn’t realize he’s never met this coworker before and listens to her. Good to know this is the guy handling money for the theater.
…while Brian and Bobby use a super secret spy camera to photograph all the playbook. This…has to be their most convoluted plan yet. Jesus, it’s like one of Fred’s plans to catch the Scooby-Doo monster of the week!
Megan comes in and tells Doug she can’t date him because her friends’ stupid bigotry is more important than her happiness. They argue and run off as the gang overhears and suddenly feels sympathy that they peer pressured their friend into being an idiot.
Brian, Bobby, and Tommy D use their brilliant powers of disguise to dress as Valley students. They find Doug and reveal what they did to him and he’s all, “Egad, your fake goatee at the theater completely fooled me! A wizard you must be!” They tell him that, if he wants the photos of the playbook, he has to show up at The Max at 3:30.
Lindsay and Rachel drag Megan into The Max as Doug, Rock, Brick, and Heather walk in for the film. Tommy D gives Doug the film and they all tell Doug and Megan they were jackasses to stand in the way of this great romance that will never be mentioned on the show again.
Rock and Bobby decide they may be able to forge their own romance. Everyone is friends now until it becomes convenient for Bayside and Valley to hate each other again…say in about fourteen more episodes.
Mr. Belding and Milton come in with the riot gear they stole from the SWAT team to break up the nonexistent rumble at a business Mr. Belding has no authority over.And Megan and Doug live happily ever after despite the fact that Doug never shows up again!