We open with Zack Morris mocking Mr. Carosi, not realizing that the future voice of Pumbaa is standing behind him checking for head lice. Also, I haven’t mentioned it until this point but there’s been a running gag throughout the Malibu Sands episodes that Zack Morris can’t get Mr. Carosi’s name right. It’s never quite funny and it simply seems to imply that Zack Morris has a Screech level of idiocy.
Mr. Carosi announces he will be gone all day on business and Stacey will be in charge. Stacey promises her father she will give some close, personal attention to Zack Morris, which I assume means hand jobs in the employees’ lounge.
Showing how much the gang respect Stacey’s authority, they immediately start playing Frisbee in the lobby of the club, since it’s not like there’s a beach or anything to play on. Stacey comes in and calls bull shit on their antics and tells them they better respect her authority or there will be spankings all around.
Meanwhile, this is Mr. Richter, who comes in and wants to hang a picture of his daughter in the dining room for her sweet sixteen party tonight. Unfortunately, Stacey doesn’t know about this as she was expecting a fiftieth anniversary party for the Thornhills. Turns out Mr. Carosi is an idiot businessman and double booked the party. Stacey gets ready to ask Mr. Richter to move the party but he says he’s flying in people from all over the world, which makes her think twice.
Zack Morris and Stacey decide to ask the Thornhills to move their party instead, and it’s a lucky thing for the cameraman that he has the ability to move through solid objects. Some of Max’s magic must still be around on this show!
The Thornhills don’t care about Zack Morris’s proposal to move the party to tomorrow night because they have this unreasonable desire to have their fiftieth anniversary on their fiftieth anniversary. Also, Mr. Thornhill looks like he’s ready to savage Mrs. Thornhill after she’s done with that bacon and coffee.
Zack Morris decides the best thing they can do is convince Mr. Richter to move his party to the beach, but before he can continue that thought, Dumbass walks onto the beach with the apparatus he needs for his useless, time wasting subplot. Yes, Screech is searching for buried treasure at the beach club! I have to say, little he does surprises me anymore.
Until, that is, he goes searching for buried treasure on this guy’s face. Seriously, Screech, you’re like a child. A mentally challenged child. Just because his face is covered up doesn’t mean he’s not there.He next uses the metal detector to sexually harass Lisa. He inexplicably discovers a gold coin right next to Lisa. Yes, a real gold coin, and considering the fact that the last time a gold coin was in general circulation in the United States was 1889, it must have somehow managed to stay there undisturbed just below the surface for a very long time. Once again, Saved by the Bell, encyclopedias are your friends! Either that or a very unlucky coin collector was harassing Lisa and dropped the coin. Lisa’s skeptical but Screech is all, “Now you’ll marry me because I’m rich!”
Also, Kelly comes up and starts obsessing over Screech digging holes in the beach. How horrible of him! No one ever digs on the beach! EVER!
Screech is also beginning to look disturbing like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. He even practically says, “My pretty! Me want’s my pretty!” when he thinks Kelly wants to steal his coin rather than obsess over holes that aren’t her vagina.
Meanwhile, Zack Morris and Stacey approach Mr. Richter and his daughter, Jennie, about moving her sweet sixteen party to the beach. Mr. Richter doesn’t like the idea, but once Zack Morris gets Jennie’s lady boner up, she’s all for it since everyone wants to fuck Zack Morris.
Just when Zack Morris and Stacey think they have everything under control, Roberto, the head of the kitchen staff, comes out upset about something. Slater comes out of the kitchen, too…for some reason. Really, it’s never explained why he’s there. He’s a lifeguard! What the hell is he doing in the kitchen? Anyway, as the token Latino, it’s Slater’s job to translate for Roberto since all Latino people speak Spanish. Roberto says that the kitchen staff were promised a raise by Mr. Carosi and they’ll strike if they don’t get it by the end of the day.
After a commercial break, we rejoin Robero and the kitchen staff in the kitchen where Jessie has joined them to spout some bull shit about oppression. Zack Morris tells her to fuck off but she says he doesn’t know what it’s like to be oppressed. Zack Morris reminds her that he’s the racial minority between the two of them and, also, that Jessie is a privileged sack of shit sticking her nose in where it doesn’t belong. Jessie decides to speak on behalf of a group of people who haven’t asked her to speak on behalf of them and demands the raise by 3:00 or they strike.
After they leave, we rejoin Screech in his insanity, and Lisa decides to join him because she found out the coin was real. They start digging random holes in the sand and the three surfer guys in the background decide all this random digging looks like so much fun they want to dig with their surfboards. All this activity brings Kelly back over, who continues to obsess over hole digging. Also, Screech hasn’t worked once this episode. Why hasn’t Stacey fired his stupid ass yet?
The kitchen staff is fed up with Jessie’s paternalistic meddling and agree with Slater that they’ll agree not to strike as long as they make happen to her what happened to her predecessor from Good Morning, Miss Bliss. Before Slater can relay the message, Stacey comes in and goes all exaggerated bitch mode on them.
They get pissed off and sit down for a rousing game of Duck, Duck, Goose.
Kelly comes into the kitchen still obsessing over holes, especially since she realized she has nine of them on her body. Wait, if Slater is being the token Latino and Kelly is obsessing over holes, who the hell is life guarding? Well, I guess little Timmy won’t be living to see another school year!
Screech and Lisa even drive some heavy construction equipment onto the beach. Now this one is your own fault, Stacey, for not having those two maniacs arrested for endangering the lives of other beach goers by bringing heavy equipment where it doesn’t belong.
Stacey is overcome with anxiety because she decides they can’t hold the Richter party on the beach after so many holes were dug because it would be too logical to, I don’t know, put the construction equipment to good use and fill the holes again before the party arrives. Zack Morris decides that, since old people don’t matter, they’ll just kick the Thornhills’ party out at seven and movie Jennie’s birthday party in at eight.
The staff naturally volunteer themselves to do the cooking and the striking kitchen staff was nice enough to move over to a corner to make room for them after they had their sippy cups and nap time.
After watching the gang fail spectacularly for a few minutes, the kitchen staff are all, “This episode isn’t going to end unless we intervene, is it?” They go ahead and cook both dinners for the gang because…plot, and the gang is happy.
Now it’s time to pull off both party and, wouldn’t you know it, the Thornhills are such greedy bastards they want the full night for their party like they paid for it or something! Jessie tries to stall Mr. Richter and Jennie but they’re all, “Get out of our way, you stupid, annoying future soft-core porn star!”
They come in and are all, “Why are these old people here?” Wait, these were the people Mr. Richter had to fly in from all over the world? Does she not know anyone in California? There’s only like six people there! Anyway, Zack Morris tries to spout a bunch of bull shit to both groups but Dumbass comes in with the coats for the Thornhill party and spills everything. Seriously, coats…in Southern California…in the summer time…did the writers not think this one through much?
The gang decide to fix things by getting every lady and man boner in the room erect, which includes Zack Morris dancing with Jennie and Stacey giving Mr. Thornhill’s hopes up. Mr. Thornhill does look a little too excited to simply be dancing with someone old enough to be his granddaughter. I guess Mrs. Thornhill hasn’t been giving him sucky sucky lately.
Mr. Carosi comes in and is distressed to learn he sucks at being a businessman. He apologizes to both parties for the mistake but they say it’s okay because they were just getting ready to start the orgy when he came in.Stacey convinces Mr. Carosi to give the kitchen staff a raise and Mr. Carosi goes off to walk the beach to think about how one dimensional he is as a character. Everyone continues awkwardly dancing around Zack Morris and Stacey as a slow song comes on and our episode ends with Mr. Carosi nearly breaking his neck on one of the holes on the beach because he apparently doesn’t bother looking down when he’s walking outside.