Yeah we’re still at the damned ski lodge this week because…half the season apparently isn’t enough for this fucking show about high school to be away from…high school! Not only that but the same skiers from the opening of the last episode are still skiing this episode because the producers were too cheap to film two scenes of people enjoying winter sports. The only solace I have right now is there’s only five more episodes this season.
We open with the gang signing Tommy D’s cast, including Lindsay, who, and I’m not even joking here, signs it, “To my ex-boyfriend.” Passive-aggressive much? The gang decide to muddle the timeline of this damned show even more then it already has been by talking about the last time Tommy D broke a bone: when Bobby landed on his arm on the playground in fourth grade. Yeah, they actually say here that Rachel and Bobby have been part of the gang for life despite the fact that Bobby wasn’t seen or mentioned at all last season and Rachel only had a minor role in which she didn’t seem to know the gang that well. I guess they’re covering their tracks in case someone goes snooping around Tommy D’s backyard wondering whatever happened to Scott, Weasel, and Vicki…
On the slopes, Rachel spots “Ramon-Ramon,” the hottest flamboyantly gay ski designer in the world. That exists, someone who becomes famous for designing ski clothes? Also, could they not have given him a better name that didn’t evoke images of Robert Kennedy’s assassin?
Anyway, Rachel wants to be a model and the rest of the gang encourage her to go harass Ramon-Ramon until he agrees to make her one of his models to shut her up. Ramon-Ramon wants this second rate cast to get the hell off his fake mountain so he can get back to work and invites them to a fashion show at the FMski lodge to shut them up.
Meanwhile, Screech climbs up the fake mountain behind Ramon-Ramon’s model and slips, falling towards certain doom off the worst set piece in history. Unfortunately, he doesn’t die and his fall is broken by Ramon-Ramon’s equipment. Ramon-Ramon is initially pissed off at Screech but then decides inexplicably that Screech has the right look for his ski wear campaign because he apparently want to go out of business so he can claim it as a loss on his taxes.
Back at the ski lodge, Tommy D’s reading the latest issue of “Dumptruck Digest.” Judging by the truck on the cover, this magazine hasn’t been printed since the ’50s since that’s the same truck the Martin family owned on Lassie. Tommy D and Megan bond over their mutual love of throwing snowballs at innocent bystanders and decide they should hook-up. Seriously, that’s what just happened.
Megan comes in and tells Lindsay and Rachel she wants to date Tommy D. Lindsay freaks the fuck out despite the fact that she was drunkilly making out with Chris the college guy just last episode. Megan is all, “Why should you get all the stupid airheads? Besides, I want a piece of crap boyfriend who will forget I ever existed next episode!” Rachel decides to take Lindsay’s side because plot. Lindsay and Rachel storm out self-righteously, determined not to approve of Megan being treated like crap by Tommy D.
Naturally, in the next scene, Bobby freaks the fuck out that Tommy D would dare date the girl that he’s been stalking for years, except for last year when Weasel was busy stalking her, and Tommy D’s all like, “You need to back the fuck down and let me treat Megan like crap!” Also, Brian’s apparently stupid for daring to be the voice of reason and mediate things on a show that doesn’t value reason. Bobby and Brian storm off and Megan comes in all, “Haha! I guess boys are stupid, too!” Tommy D asks Megan to dinner.
Meanwhile…yep, Ramon-Ramon has to be attempting to put himself out of business. That’s the only explanation there is for this subplot. The things this stupid show does…
Tommy D and Megan go on their date, and it’s a good thing the ski lodge just happens to have a French restaurant on the premises because the writers need to make Tommy D look like a failed abortion attempt by having him order “We accept major credit cards” in French. No, seriously. I couldn’t make this shit up.
Brian comes in and, once again, no one has a use for the voice of reason as all five tell him to go fuck himself. Then a violent confrontation arises as Bobby tries to claim what’s rightfully his and Lindsay gets told off for being jealous despite hanging all druken on another guy last episode.Tommy D and Megan storm out, determined to go home in the morning.
The next morning, Tommy D and Megan tell Mr. Belding they’re going home while Lindsay, Rachel, and Bobby say they’re going home if Tommy D and Megan aren’t going home and Brian says this is all a huge cluster fuck that he wants nothing more to do with and he’s going home. Mr. Belding asks them all if they’ve lost their fucking minds since students can’t just arbitrarily decide to leave a school trip because they’re fighting over stupid shit.
Ramon-Ramon comes in looking for a last-minute replacement for his sick model and initially wants Rachel. Then he spots Megan and decides she’s a lot less annoying if a bit on the bland side and asks her to be his new model. Rachel’s hella pissed that now she has this legitimate reason to be jealous of Megan shoe-horned into a plot that’s already all over the place.
Megan’s insecure enough about modelling that she allows Screech to give her advice on modelling. Oh, Megan, I think Tommy D would be a better choice for this than Screech. Ramon-Ramon come in and tell Screech to fuck off before he ruins all their models.
Nearby, Tommy D tells Screech about the rest of the gang being pissed at Megan and him. Screech decides it’s time to act like an adult for a few seconds in the episode and starts reading all the messages signed to his cast. Screech leaves, telling Tommy D and Megan that he once had a group of friends, too, who forgave him for all his fuck-ups despite the fact he wouldn’t let Zack Morris date Lisa. Tommy D and Megan suddenly feel like shit for doing something that most people would say is only a little inconsiderate since they didn’t talk to their friends about how they would feel.
Lindsay, Rachel, and Bobby come to watch the fashion show. Megan ambushes Rachel and tells her to go model despite the fact that they don’t even remotely look like they can wear the same sized clothes.
At the fashion show, Screech decides that, rather than being a tax write-off, he’s just the butt of everyone’s jokes, as usual. Ramon-Ramon is all, “Shut the fuck up. You’re the one that’s going to make a complete ass out of yourself in your personal life in just a few years. Now get ready for the show!”
And this is apparently Screech’s sad, “people are making fun of me” face. It looks more like he has a Sweet Tart in his mouth.Rachel surprises Ramon-Ramon by coming out on stage modeling, not least because the laws of physics have suddenly been suspended since she fits in the clothes meant for Megan.
Screech then comes out and says he likes himself, even if he is a sleezy piece of shit who will talk crap about his co-stars since he can’t get work himself. He quits and Ramon-Ramon decides he needs to get smashed after the day he’s had. The gang make up one by one, first with Rachel who apologizes for talking shit about Megan when she had no real reason to be mad at her most of the episode. Then Lindsay says it’s been a whole five episode since she and Tommy D dated so it’s okay if Megan and Tommy D date.
Bobby tells Tommy D that he’s realized his behavior towards Megan is almost as creepy as Screech’s behavior towards Lisa and has had a sobering realization that he doesn’t want to be like Screech, so it’s okay if Tommy D and Megan date.The gang’s back together and we close with a cast photo to remind us who was here this season since none of these people except Mr. Belding and Screech will be around at the end of the series.