Our episode opens at wrestling tryouts, where the writers remembered they did an episode last season where the gang worked for the school radio station, KKTY, the best country music in Douglas, Wyoming! For some reason, Zack Morris is there covering tryouts on behalf of the radio station because…radio stations apparently cover tryouts, and he witnesses Slater apparently assaulting a random boy who was cutting through the gym. Unfortunately, his engineer happens to be a complete dumb ass who didn’t broadcast throughout the interview. Three guesses who that character could be.
In comes a girl to sign up for the wrestling team and Zack Morris is all, “WHHHHHAAAATTTT! A girl on the wrestling team? Don’t be preposterous! Just get your pretty little ass in my kitchen and cook for me!”
Mr. Sonski, the auto mechanics teacher from “Wicked Stepbrother,” is the wrestling coach, and he agrees with Zack Morris’s misogyny as he suggests the girl, Kristy Barnes, should just go to the home ec room and make some brownies so he can keep his weight on. Also, there’s a match with Valley scheduled for next week. Isn’t a week after tryouts a bit soon for a match with your major rival? I mean, I know we often stretch believability on this show, but wouldn’t that give the team no time to prepare?
Zack Morris suddenly has a brain storm that the best way to get laid is to support women, so he suddenly wants to help Kristy get on the team. He takes her to the radio station and introduces her to Jessie and Lisa. Of course, Jessie’s quasi-feminism kicks in and she wants to help bring Kristy’s case to Mr. Belding.
Unfortunately, Mr. Belding chooses that moment to come in and completely be an unreasonable jackass by saying he heard from Mr. Sonski that a girl wants to be on the wrestling team! A girl! Sexism is so hilarious!
At The Max, the gang listen to Jessie broadcast a show that actually reminds me quite a bit of Bill O’Reilly in that she not only broadcasts news of Mr. Belding and Mr. Sonski’s sexism, but also plays some pig sound effects to emphasize that her attacks are ad hominem. It all makes sense now! After her failed stint as a stripper, Jessie became conservative and turned into Elizabeth Hasselbeck!
Well, Jessie’s broadcast motivates every female extra the casting department could find to go to the gym and protest Mr. Sonski’s sexism. Mr. Sonski doesn’t seem very moved by the dozen or so protesters the producers could afford but the girls won’t be moved.
In walks Mr. Belding, and the girls surround him, presumably to sacrifice him to a golden image of Betty Friedan. Okay, this is ridiculous. I’m a feminist, yes, but this isn’t the way to achieve change. A school protest covered by the school radio station isn’t going to bring the level of public scrutiny necessary to change the minds of two very prejudiced men. We had a school protest my freshman year of high school and you know what happened? The principal suspended every single person involved. This would not work in real life.
And Kristy promptly wrestles an extra identified as one of Bayside’s best wrestlers to the ground, instantly winning the approval and admiration of both Mr. Sonski and Mr. Belding. Gee, it’s nice to see that bigotry is so easily overcome. Considering Mr. Sonski called over the wrestler named Rodriguez with Speedy Gonzales’s catch phrase, “Andale!” I think Bayside’s insensitivity is in no danger of dying anytime soon.
At The Max, the gang celebrate with Kristy as Slater shows he hasn’t lost his sexist edge by doing a kissy face on Jessie. Slater asks Kristy where she learned the move she used and she says from him. Turns out she watched Slater use it on Niedick, the Valley wrestler from “Pinned to the Mat.” Whoa, whoa, there, Saved by the Bell. You’re remembering way too many things from past episodes! You better slow down there or people are going to think you have continuity or something!
Anyway, Kristy’s admiration of Slater’s wrestling of course triggers Bitch Jessie, who instantly believes that Kristy wants to jump Slater’s bone. Slater and Kristy go off so Slater can teach Kristy some new moves, which Jessie thinks is obviously code for, “Fuck like porn stars.” Also, bizarrely, we learn that Screech likes eating wax candles and cupcake wrappers. It has nothing else to do with this episode, but I think the producers are on a mission to make Screech as oddly stupid as possible.
Zack Morris sneaks in the girl’s locker room to a startled Pamela Anderson changing for Baywatch. His stated purpose is to interview Kristy, so his interview consists of him hitting on Kristy. Lisa, meanwhile, sneaks in and overhears Zack Morris asking Kristy out.
Mr. Belding hears Zack Morris’s broadcast and tries to catch him while covering his eyes to keep from seeing high school boobies. Zack Morris sneaks out and, instead, Mr. Belding gets an arm full of Pamela Anderson who’s wondering why all men at Bayside are complete perverts.Lisa takes the news that Zack Morris and Kristy are dating to her gossip show, but she doesn’t name names. She only refers to them as the lady wrestler and school hunk dating.
At The Max following Zack Morris and Kristy’s date, a random Valley student comes in talking shit to Zack Morris and tries a wrestling move on him. Kristy jumps in and saves Zack Morris and suddenly Zack Morris feels his penis shrink up into his body.
Back at the radio station, Jessie becomes the sexist she despises by giving an editorial about how women shouldn’t be allowed to wrestle after all because they might try to steal her boyfriend. Slater comes in and calls Jessie’s hypocrisy. After Jessie expresses her jealousy, Slater calls her a fucking insane bitch and leaves.
At The Max, Zack Morris breaks off a date with Kristy. She quickly figures out that he’s feeling emasculated that she saved him from an evil Valley student and says she’s fucking tired of these assholes and that she’s quitting the wrestling team.
He does this by sneaking in the girl’s locker room again at the risk of running into Pamela Anderson again. Zack Morris says his gender stereotypes briefly overpowered his desire to get laid and he feels stupid that almost turned down a chance to get laid. They make up and Zack Morris agrees to take her to the movies.
Oh, boy! It’s time for the big wrestling match with Valley! Slater quickly beats his opponent in less than ten seconds because we’re running short on time. After Jessie apologizes to Kristy and Slater, Kristy has some trouble with her opponent. Zack Morris tells her to use the move she used at The Max, and it turns out Zack Morris is a better coach than Mr. Sonski because this helps her win. Since Kristy and Slater are the only two people on the wrestling team that matter, that means Bayside wins the meet. Yay.Kristy gets carries away and wrestles Zack Morris to the floor, ready to rip off his clothes. Our episode ends with Kristy remembering that lots of people are watching and letting Zack Morris up to make a comment about her being his fuck for later that evening.