The New Class Season 3, Episode 12: “Prom Dates”

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Yes, it’s prom time at Bayside, and get ready for the worst prom episode in the history of this franchise. We open with Tommy D and Ryan both trying to wow Lindsay and get her to go to the prom with them so they can have her for the after party. Tommy D even recites the worst poem known to man:

Roses are red,
Violets are not,
Blah, blah blah,
I think you’re hot.

I would say this is the laziest excuse for writing in the history of everything, but what do you expect out of this show at this point? Lindsay’s not overly impressed with either of their efforts and tells them they’re going to have to back the fuck off and let her decide.

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R.J. asks a girl named Valerie to the prom and suddenly becomes uncharacteristically shy around women. Considering he’s been portrayed as cocky and arrogant to this point, this is completely unbelievable. 
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This guy, Don, asks Maria to the prom, but she says she has a date. After he’s out of ear shot, Rachel calls Maria out for lying, but Maria’s all, “Don can’t get it hard! My guy has to be perfect!”

Our third subplot of the episode revolves around Rachel being insecure because no one has asked her to the prom, probably out of fear that they’ll disappear like her last boyfriend.

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And, as if that’s not enough subplots, our fifth subplot involves Screech being faculty adviser of the prom committee. Yes, we have five fucking subplots. The writers of this show have lost their damned minds if they think they’re going to be able to do justice towards any of these threads. Oh, also Screech has a bunch of yearbooks so he can study past proms. Haha, so funny.
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At the yearbook meeting, which just happens to feature all our players from this episode, R.J. and Valerie demonstrate how they can hug in front of a Hawaiian backdrop that Screech thinks is Californian. Mr. Belding comes in to break up this steamy scene because apparently The New Class can’t handle hugging.

Mr. Belding tells the committee that he’s been getting complaints from parents that they have to spend too much on prom so this year he’s forcing the students to have a budget conscious prom. Since he’s completely lost touch with reality, he’s setting a rule that no couple can spend over $60 for the prom. In what universe does Mr. Belding live in? Seriously, this is the dumbest conflict I’ve seen in the history of this franchise. Well, other than the death of a magical duck. Or Kelly’s baby brother coming to school. Or Jessie being hooked on caffeine pills. Or a government agent thinking Screech was an alien.

Okay, you get my point. This is the dumbest conflict in the history of this franchise except for all the conflicts that were dumber than this one.

Ryan sees a chance to impress Lindsay so he agrees to help think of ways to defer costs for the prom. Oh, and some guy cock teases Rachel.

At The Max, Tommy D and Lindsay have lunch together and they talk about how many times Tommy D has nearly killed Lindsay. Geez, why is she even considering going to the prom with him. This could be lethal to her health.

Back at Bayside, R.J. decides he needs a warm up round to get to know Valerie’s naughty bits so he asks her to the movies. She agrees because plot.vlcsnap-2015-03-07-18h10m14s209

After she’s out of sight, a man clearly too old to legally be at Bayside comes up and warmly greets R.J. Turns out this is Carl, Valerie’s brother, and he’s fucking pissed off that his sister is in a shitty Saved by the Bell spin-off. Carl tells R.J. he better get his sister off this show immediately by not doing any hanky panky shit with her or he’s going to murder R.J.

Tommy D and Lindsay’s lunch has rekindled the yearning in Lindsay for the nice, predictable Tommy D/Lindsay subplots from the first two seasons so Lindsay agrees to go to the prom with Tommy D.
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Screech, meanwhile, does a really racist Japanese impression as he folds some tissue paper into a corsage and pretends like this is origami since the writers of this show couldn’t be bothered to look up what origami actually is. Screech tells Ryan this is one way to save money on the prom and Ryan thinks it’s stupid enough to be on this show so he takes one over to Lindsay. She tells him that she’s going with Tommy D to the prom so Ryan gets bummed out and throws away his corsage. We then get an uncomfortably long close-up of the most realistic character in this episode.

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In Mr. Belding’s office, Screech talks about more sucky ass ideas to save money.vlcsnap-2015-03-07-18h12m18s171

His first is to turn the prom into a marathon and, while this is just stupid enough to be featured in an episode of this show, Mr. Belding thinks it’s a dumb idea. Notice Ryan’s face in the background as he considers whether this is the most idiotic idea in the history of idiotic ideas.vlcsnap-2015-03-07-18h12m40s99

But that doesn’t stop Screech from ripping his clothes off. Why…me…

Ryan comes up with an idea to turn the buses into party mobiles to cut costs on transportation. Even though this is a stupid idea and surely not within the authority of a school principal to implement, Mr. Belding loves the idea because this is The New Class and nothing is realistic on this show. Instead of caterers, Ryan suggests the home ec class cooks for the prom and Mr. Belding goes for that, too, leaving Screech stupdified that someone is smarter than him, which was plain to the rest of us eight years ago when we first met him.

Lindsay’s grateful that Ryan has stupid ideas that Mr. Belding likes. Tommy D makes her lose her elation by asking her to the movies tonight so that it’s more convenient to shoot their subplot alongside R.J.’s.vlcsnap-2015-03-07-18h14m25s153

At the movies, Carl’s still pissed off that his sister is still in a shitty Saved by the Bell spin-off and continues threatening R.J.’s life if he doesn’t maintain enough distance that she won’t be seen on this show again. R.J. naturally complies.vlcsnap-2015-03-07-18h15m33s54

Meanwhile, Lindsay can’t stop talking about Ryan so Tommy D’s all, “Well, why don’t you just go suck Ryan’s cock then?”vlcsnap-2015-03-07-18h16m18s12

The next day, Rachel’s still bummed no one has asked her to the prom so Screech tries to cheer her up by telling her if he wasn’t in a position of authority and trust over her, he would take her. Then, this subplot starts taking a creepy turn.vlcsnap-2015-03-07-18h16m43s243

First, Screech decides to try and help Rachel by dressing her up like Violet because apparently she’s just so hot she’s intimidating.vlcsnap-2015-03-07-18h17m28s188

He then tries to set her up with a nerd whose running gag seems to be he has trouble remaining standing. This fails and Rachel is even more upset that her subplot is going absolutely nowhere.

Maria comes in and suddenly remembers she has a subplot in this episode but she hasn’t got a date yet. A guy named Peter who she apparently turned down off camera earlier walks by and she tries to ask him out by telling him that her prom date got hit by a bus. Trust me, this will be eerily ironic by the end of this review. He’s all, “Fuck off, stuck up bitch,” and walks away. It’s then that Maria realizes her subplot may be worse than Rachel’s.

At The Max, the girls come in and sit one booth over from Tommy D. They apparently all need eye exams because Lindsay starts talking about how Tommy D sucks ass and she wants to go to the prom with Ryan because she’s into his lazy eye.
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Tommy D overhears and is none too pleased that he’s turned invisible.

At Bayside, Ryan asks Maria to the prom so we can finally bring some resolution to one subplot. Surprise, surprise, Screech still hasn’t been able to find a date for Rachel so she decides she’ll just stay home that night.vlcsnap-2015-03-07-18h20m57s229

And this is the look Screech gives as she walks off. The creepiness factor just keeps rising…vlcsnap-2015-03-07-18h21m27s24

That night, Screech shows up at Rachel’s house and asks her to the prom. Yes, a faculty member asks a student to the prom after all that bull shit about not being a student anymore. So, neither Mr. Belding nor Rachel’s parents think it’s weird that someone working for the school is taking a student to the prom. Contributing to the delinquency of a minor right there. So, between dressing Rachel up like Violet and giving her that creepy look in the last scene, I think Screech hopes to get lucky tonight…vlcsnap-2015-03-07-18h22m02s119

And time for the prom, where we see Ryan’s final cost saving innovation, having the boys give the girls their tuxedo jackets and dancing in their t-shirts. Worst…prom…ever. Seriously, if this were my prom, I’d be fucking pissed off.vlcsnap-2015-03-07-18h22m32s150

R.J. gets one more visit from Carl, who’s still pissed his sister is on this shitty show. R.J. reminds him that the only recurring characters this show offers are some of the nerds and jocks so his sister has nothing to worry about as he’s sure she’ll never be seen again. This satisfies Carl, who walks out smug and gets hit by a bus.

No, seriously, the actor playing Carl, Lexie Bigham, died after being hit by a bus a year after filming this episode while he was filming a shitty Jon Lovitz movie. Poor guy. I don’t know which is worse, dying or knowing that two of your last acting gigs were a shitty TNBC show and a Jon Lovitz film.

So…wait…Carl and Maria are both wearing the stupid outfit of the prom despite the fact neither one has a date. Does that mean Carl was Maria’s prom date? (See, I told you there’d be some irony in her lame excuse that her fake date got hit by a bus.)

Tommy D’s still pissed that Lindsay needs an eye exam and doesn’t want to do much of anything at the prom but mope. He sees Ryan come in tells Lindsay she might as well finish off the prom with Ryan so they can wrap up the final subplot. Ryan accepts and Maria goes off to be a switch hitter with Tommy D.

vlcsnap-2015-03-07-18h26m20s140And our episode ends with the most predictable conclusion in this franchise’s history considering we’ve already seen a few out of order episodes where Ryan and Lindsay were together. See, I told you, worst prom episode ever.

Firsts: Ryan and Lindsay date.

18 responses to “The New Class Season 3, Episode 12: “Prom Dates”

  1. Why is there a prom episode in the middle of the season?

    Did Screech mention Violet by name when he dressed Rachel up like that?

  2. Like I said in a previous post. Tommy D got dumber every season. He went from tough guy to dimwit in three seasons.

  3. Caleb Bernard

    Hey, longtime lurker here, love the blog! My SBTB experience has so far been limited to the main show and GMMB, but I recently acquired the whole kaboodle. I want to watch everything in chronological order, how would you recommend I do that? GMMB, main show, Hawaiian style, college years, wedding, new class?

    Keep up the great work!

    • The only thing I’d question in your lineup is Hawaiian Style. I think it could be watched either after season 3 of Saved by the Bell (when it’s supposed to take place) or after Season 4. It doesn’t really fit in either way but it’s a question to consider.

      Thanks for reading, Caleb and thanks for letting me know you’re out there!

      • ILovedKellyKapowski

        I placed the Hawaiian episode in the summer before their Senior year, since the kids have matured enough to look grown up, and at the airport, they bumped into Mr. Belding, who mentions that he took his tour guide job (his first of many extra-principal jobs to come!) and was happy he didn’t have to see the kids until school starts again in the fall.

        • Caleb Bernard

          What’s mildly confusing is the “Day of Detention” episode in Season 4, in which they try to win tickets to Hawaii mere weeks after their last trip there. Sure, it’s not crazy that they might want to go back, but 1. you’d think they’d at least mention that they spent the whole summer there together, and 2. Zack has to explain the ‘appeals’ of Hawaii to Slater to try to get him to help. That episode is just weird in the continuity.

          • Not the whole summer. Remember, they managed to have jobs in Malibu, visit Hawaii, and still had time to fit in a trip to Palm Desert for Jesse’s father’s wedding. That was the busiest summer ever!

    • ILovedKellyKapowski

      Hi Caleb, I think you got the chronological order of the shows correct. (The earlier seasons of The New Class were actually concurrent with College Years and “Wedding in Las Vegas.”)

      I just recently acquired and watched the entire The New Class series (I never watched the show when it aired), and the episodes are out of order even worse than the original series!

      If you’re interested in watching the New Class, I can give you a list of how the episodes SHOULD have been aired, it will be less confusing for you. Or, you can just watch them in order of air date (like this blog), if you consider it’ll be more fun being confused like everyone else!

      • Caleb Bernard

        Thanks! If it’s not too much trouble, that list of the episodes sorted by what makes sense would be helpful! And I think I’ll take your advice and stick Hawaiian Style after season 3 of the main show.

        • ILovedKellyKapowski

          No problem, watch the episodes in this order (enjoy!):

          S01E01 The Date Lottery
          S01E02 The Slumber Party
          S01E03 A Kicking Weasel
          S01E04 Home Shopping
          S01E05 Love Is On The Air
          S01E06 George Washington Kissed Here
          S01E07 Homecoming King
          S01E08 Belding’s Baby
          S01E09 Good-bye Megan
          S01E10 Swap Meet
          S01E11 Weasel Love
          S01E12 Tommy A
          S01E13 Running The Max

          S02E01 The Return Of Screech
          S02E02 Blood Money
          S02E03 Squash It
          S02E04 The People’s Choice
          S02E05 Belding’s Prank
          S02E06 Tommy The Tenor
          S02E07 Bayside Story
          S02E08 A Perfect Lindsay
          S02E09 All Play And No Work
          S02E10 Let The Games Begin
          S02E11 Brian’s Girlfriend
          S02E12 Rachel’s Choice
          S02E13 A Matter Of Trust
          S02E14 Christmas In July
          S02E15 Farewell Dance
          S02E16 Back At The Ranch
          S02E17 Wanna Bet
          S02E18 Breaking Up
          S02E19 The Class of 2020
          S02E20 Drinking 101
          S02E21 Feuding Friends
          S02E22 To Cheat Or Not To Cheat
          S02E23 The D Stands For Dropout
          S02E24 Belding’s Prize
          S02E25 Goodbye Bayside – Part 1
          S02E26 Goodbye Bayside – Part 2

          S03E01 Welcome To Bayside
          S03E02 The Love Bugs
          S03E03 Driving School
          S03E04 What’s The Problem
          S03E05 Air Screech
          S03E06 Maria’s Movie Star
          S03E07 Ryan’s Worst Nightmare
          S03E08 Prom Dates
          S03E09 Acting Jealous
          S03E10 Big Screech On Campus
          S03E11 Boundaries
          S03E12 Hollywood, Here He Is
          S03E13 Thomas D
          S03E14 Fear Of Falling
          S03E15 The Principal’s Principles
          S03E16 Screech’s Millions
          S03E17 No Smoking
          S03E18 My Best Friends
          S03E19 RJ’s Handicap
          S03E20 Casino ID’s
          S03E21 Green Card
          S03E22 Screech’s Dream
          S03E23 Lindsay’s Dilemma
          S03E24 The Fallout
          S03E25 The Christmas Gift
          S03E26 New Year’s Resolution

          S04E01 Oh, Brother
          S04E02 Unequal Opportunity
          S04E03 Backstage Pass
          S04E04 Baby Care
          S04E05 The Tall And The Short Of It
          S04E06 Little Hero
          S04E07 Student Court
          S04E08 Fall Formal
          S04E09 Wrestling With Failure
          S04E10 To Tell The Truth
          S04E11 Science Fair
          S04E12 The Last To Know
          S04E13 Renaissance Faire
          S04E14 Hospital Blues
          S04E15 The Final Curtain
          S04E16 Trash TV
          S04E17 Karate Kids
          S04E18 Vote Screech
          S04E19 Campaign Fever
          S04E20 Balancing Act
          S04E21 Stealing Screech
          S04E22 Fire At The Max – Part 1
          S04E23 Fire At The Max – Part 2
          S04E24 The Wrong Stuff
          S04E25 The 5th Wheel
          S04E26 The Kiss

          S05E01 Suddenly Ryan
          S05E02 It’s Not About Winning
          S05E03 Football And Physics
          S05E04 Desperately Seeking Work
          S05E05 Highs And Lows
          S05E06 Letting Go
          S05E07 The Great Stain Robbery
          S05E08 Boy II Man
          S05E09 Big Sister Blues
          S05E10 Her Brother’s Keeper
          S05E11 Friends Behaving Badly
          S05E12 Secrets And Liz
          S05E13 A Tale Of 2 Siblings
          S05E14 Liz’s Choice
          S05E15 State Champs
          S05E16 Screech And The Substitute
          S05E17 Love, Bayside Style
          S05E18 Putting Up Walls
          S05E19 Thanks For Giving
          S05E20 Foreign Behavior
          S05E21 Foreign Affairs
          S05E22 Goodbye Paris
          S05E23 Private Peterson
          S05E24 Into The Woods
          S05E25 Mission Control
          S05E26 Forget And Forgive

          S06E01 Maria’s Revenge
          S06E02 Do The Write Thing
          S06E03 The Lyin’ King
          S06E04 The Young And The Sleepless
          S06E05 Cigar Wars
          S06E06 Win, Lose Or Cheat
          S06E07 Hands Off
          S06E08 Guess Who’s Running The Max
          S06E09 Mind Games
          S06E10 Free For All
          S06E11 Loser
          S06E12 Bye-Bye Tony
          S06E13 Seasons Greed-ings

          S07E01 Show Me The Money
          S07E02 Prescription For Trouble
          S07E03 ME TV
          S07E04 A Repair To Remember
          S07E05 The Captain And Maria
          S07E06 Liz Burns Eric
          S07E07 Don’t Follow The Leader
          S07E08 The X-Friends Files
          S07E09 A Mall Shook Up
          S07E10 Party Animals
          S07E11 The Last Prom
          S07E12 Mr B Goes To College
          S07E13 The Bell Tolls

  4. ILovedKellyKapowski

    I thought you said Ryan asked Maria to the prom? (So I’m confused who Carl gave his tuxedo jacket to.)

    Rachel used to date that 30 year old Swiss guy, so her parents are obviously OK with older men fucking their teenage daughter. So yeah, Screech might actually have a chance of getting lucky after the prom. Ew!

    I also find it hard to believe no one asked Rachel to the prom. She’s no Kelly Kapowski, but she’s still pretty hot starting in Season 2, when her puberty kicked in. And she’s not a picky bitch like Maria. And she’s in a high school filled with horny teenage boys. Did that bitch Maria start a nasty rumor that Brian’s dead, dismembered body is rotting in the back of Rachel’s closet?

    • You’re right. Ryan probably did give his jacket to Maria, even though he dumped her the minute Lindsay showed interest. Who did Carl give his jacket to? That will forever remain one of the mysteries of time…

  5. ILovedKellyKapowski

    Add it to the list of other unsolved mysteries: What happened to Scott? Weasel? Vicki? Megan? Bobby? Brian? RJ? And how the hell Screech can graduate college without taking any classes?

    • Maybe they moved to Indianna with Miss Bliss, Mikey, Nikki, Mylo, and Tina

      • With all the unneeded revivals of old shows currently happening, maybe we need a Good Morning, Miss Bliss revival that shows Zack Morris and Screech have a secret dungeon where they lock up those that cross them. It would also explain the frequent cast changes on The New Class.

  6. Maybe it’s me, but I actually found a couple of Ryan’s ideas to be quite practical! Then again, I never went to any of my proms, so what do I know? 😉

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