Okay, we’re four episodes into the season and three of those episodes revolve around new female students. Am I seeing a pattern here? Did Bayside make some U.S. News and World Report listing of best high schools in America or some shit? Really, I think this season now outnumbers the previous three for new students…
We open with Zack Morris demanding everyone’s undivided attention for this important announcement: someone’s parked in his parking space and he’s fucking pissed! They better move their motorcycle now or he’s going to go all Nicholas Cage on their asses! Nobody will own up to committing this grievous sin and Screech is no help when he describes the person as being an NBA player. Stupid Screech.
But the new student does come in and proves that Screech can’t tell the difference between a man and a woman without gender stereotypes. Zack Morris confronts her and tells her to move the fucking motorcycle out of his space and she tells him to fuck off and go give Screech a blowjob.
Zack Morris won’t take his insult lying down and takes his grievance to Mr. Belding, who asks him in what universe this is considered important pressing business and Zack Morris tells him, “In my universe where I’m king!” Mr. Belding tells him to fuck off and do something important like figure out why Kelly and Jessie have gone missing, but Zack Morris already knows the answer to that, don’t you Zack Morris?
So the Fall Ball committee comes in during this to plan in the middle of Zack Morris searching the student handbook trying to find a way to exact his will on the student body. The committee consists of Lisa and Slater along with Ox, an airhead named Ginger, and a geek named Pete. The cream of the crop right there. Zack Morris keeps interrupting them while Ox tries to talk about beef jerky and guacamole and shit and Mr. Belding’s office really becomes Grand Central Station when the new girl, Tori Scott (Leanna Creel) comes in to introduce herself to Mr. Belding and let him know she’ll be randomly popping into episodes every time Kelly and Jessie mysteriously disappear.
Naturally, Zack Morris and Tori clash again, this time over a seat, as Zack Morris rushes out of the office, pissed off that no one gives a shit about trivial things. Tori does, however, think of the idea for the dance theme because we’re going with the cliche where the main character hates a new character but everyone else loves her.
In class, Zack Morris flirts with Ginger, who’s somehow managed to acquire a lower IQ than Screech and Tommy D put together. Tori blows Zack Morris’s cover that he’s assumed Ginger is such an idiot she won’t notice he’s reciting the lyrics to “Pretty Woman.” Ginger, needing to fulfill her role of being an idiot, assumes that means Zack Morris is Roy Orbison.
The bell rings and Mr. Breskin’s back, considerably more mellow this time over the last episode he was in involving new students. It’s like they forgot he was supposed to be a hard ass! He tells the class to pair off for a class project and Screech decides to pair with Slater instead of Zack Morris because it’s convenient to the plot. Zack Morris is paired with Tori, and they’re tasked with creating an ad campaign to present to the class on Friday. Um, didn’t they already do this plot with Mr. Tuttle?
At The Max, Zack Morris and Tori ostensibly work on their project, an electronic organizer, but can’t stop fighting over their forced dislike of one another. They decide to split up the work, with Tori writing the ad campaign and Zack Morris doing the product research because it will naturally end up they reach the same conclusions without talking with one another.
Lisa comes in to work on the dance but manages to insult everyone and they all quit leaving her to do the work on her own. She spots Tori at the next booth and asks her to help. Tori tells Lisa she’ll help if Lisa stops acting like a fucking psychopath and Lisa says she thinks she can handle that since she can be quite reasonable when it’s convenient to the plot. Lisa declares Tori to be her new best friend since her old two have vanished without a trace. And I’m not even joking…Lisa says she doesn’t have a best friend. She’s completely forgotten Kelly and Jessie exist…
The next day in class, Slater and Screech present their project, stupid sunglasses with mirror lenses that Screech can pretend he’s attractive in, as well as a second pair with windshield wipers. Mr. Breskin passes them both so he doesn’t have to be faced with the possibility of teaching them again next year.
Next up it’s Zack Morris and Tori, but Tori didn’t show up for school so Mr. Breskin tells Zack Morris he fails. I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works. You can’t penalize a group in public school because one of them is absent. It’s called make-up presentation. But it’s convenient to the plot so that’s what we’re going with.
Zack Morris fakes his way through the presentation but then Tori walks in. He suddenly gets the idea that the commercial should be Tori would have known what time to be there had she used an organizer, and Mr. Breskin gives them an A because…everyone gets an A in his class now apparently.
In the hallway, Tori tries to apologize and explain things to Zack Morris, but he’s not interested in listening at the present time so please leave a message after the tone. After Zack Morris leaves, Lisa comes up and she and Tori exposit about how they were up until 4:00 am working on the dance and that’s why Tori overslept. Also, she’s all, “I think I’ll start liking Zack Morris now because the plot demands it!”
Tori walks in wearing a horrible present-like dress. Screech, since he hasn’t been an idiot enough in this episode, doesn’t recognize her and goes to find Tori to introduce to Tori. Yeah, you heard that right.
Lisa cuts in and tells Zack Morris to get with the plot convenience and tells him it’s not her fault Mr. Breskin flunks people for being absent. Lisa tells Zack Morris Tori was late because she was helping with the dance, and Zack Morris realizes he’s been a tool of plot convenience so he goes to find Tori.He finds her in the hallway and tells her he’s sorry for being so predictable. She accepts his apology and decides to stick around as an alternating member of the gang. And our episode ends with Zack Morris completely missing the signs Tori likes him and treating her like one of the guys, because she’s masculine and shit and it’s funny!
Firsts: Tori Scott, Ginger.