We open with the return of KKTY, Douglas, Utah’s hottest country, who, for some reason, hired R.J. as a DJ and has taken to covering gymnastics meets for Bayside since LA gymnastics are so popular in rural Utah. Apparently they’re not so popular in LA, though, since no one is at the meet except for a sleeping nerd, not even any parents, because gymnastics sucks in this world and we need an excuse for conflict.
I think part of the problem is that the gymnastics team raided the wardrobe department of Star Trek looking for uniforms. Seriously, these are the worst uniforms ever. The uniforms are enough to distract Westwood enough that Bayside beats them. This means they have one more game to play and, if they win, they go to the state championships in San Francisco.
All is not well in Saved by the Bell, land, though, for Mr. Belding and Screech come in with the bad news that the writers decided to reuse a plot from last season by making the school not have enough money to go to a state championship. This time, since Bayside apparently cares rats ass about having an attractive and diverse sports program, the girls can’t go because gymnastics doesn’t make enough money for them to. Just as he did last season, the reviewer wishes to call bullshit on this plot since schools have budgets and fundraisers for such occasions, but we need some conflict so, you know, how horrible!
Oh, also the team’s coach quits for absolutely no reason because they needed a reason to include fucking Screech in this. Seriously, Mr. Belding delivers the news they can’t go to San Francisco and he just quits, not out of anger, but because he finds this plot so stupid he decided he’d rather work at an Orange Julius than continue to act on this show.
At The Max, the girls look at the world’s worst prop menus as they discuss how bummed they are that not only can they not go to San Francisco but they also have no coach. Ryan tells them they just need to find an idiot who can step in as a token figurehead so they pick an idiot sure to interfere and cause shenanigans.
And that person comes in and trips on thin air. See, I told you they needed an excuse to overly involve Screech.
At Bayside, Mr. Belding doesn’t want to make Screech coach since Screech knows shit about gymnastics, though this didn’t stop Screech from being the faculty adviser for the ballet club last week, but the writers needed to fill a couple minutes. Ryan gets a guy who looks nothing like Screech to dress up in the same clothes as Screech and do some handstands. Since Mr. Belding suffers from the same inability to distinguish faces unless it’s convenient to the plot that all the rest of the characters suffers from, he believes the rouse without question and gives Screech the job.
Ryan finds out that, if the next meet sold out, the girls would have enough money to go to San Francisco so he plots to get Ron and some random nerd extras to think gymnastics is super cool and want to bring all their friends.
Tommy D and some random football players come in to make fun of gymnastics and talk about how much it sucks, though this episode thus far would be enough to keep me away from the sport for life. Rachel bets Tommy D that he can’t do the same moves she can and, if he can’t, he has to be water boy for the team. Of course, Tommy D sucks ass because he can’t do basic flips and he loses without any trouble.
Meanwhile, Lindsay falls off the balance beam in the most forced looking injury since Mr. Belding’s injury at the ski lodge last season. It’s enough to sprain Lindsay’s foot but, at The Max, we find out that it’s minor enough she’ll conveniently be able to compete in the meet this Friday.
And Bill Clinton is excited that he gets to succeed George Bush in being in a lame gag for Saved by the Bell, even if it is a stupid spin-off. Hey, it breaks up the monotony of his pending impeachment. Also, Bill Clinton apparently speaks through telepathy and not through the movement of lips like most human beings.
Gasp! The Simpsons was right! He and Bob Dole were aliens!
At gymnastics practice, the doctor has conveniently already cleared Lindsay for practice. Suddenly, though, she can’t practice, claiming her ankle is too sore. Also, Rachel can’t get her routine right and, somehow, Tommy D now knows how to help her find her center in gymnastics despite the fact he couldn’t do a basic flip just a few minutes earlier. He helps her get her routine right.
Mr. Belding comes in wanting to know why Boris Yeltsin and Bill Clinton want to come to a gymnastics meet at Bayside and quickly deduces that Ryan had something to do with it. Mr. Belding makes Ryan refund all the tickets and tells him he has to find a way to make kids think that gymnastics is cool on its own, which means he has to find a way to end this episode before it turns teenagers everywhere against the sport.
In the hallway, Lindsay tells Ryan she’s not going to compete at the meet. Lindsay tells Ryan she’s suddenly developed a fear of falling because plot. Yes, that’s right. One single minor injury has caused Lindsay to fear gymnastics. If Lindsay is as good as they’re making her out to be, something tells me this isn’t her first injury. I find it idiotic to believe that this would make Lindsay want to quit gymnastics, but The New Class expects all its viewers to be idiots and not pick up on how unrealistic this all is.
Tommy D, having become a newly converted fan of gymnastics since he gets to touch the girls’ undergarments, leads a protest of the captains of all the cool sports teams saying none of them will compete unless people start supporting gymnastics. Since that would mean no more sports episodes for this show, all the extras repurchase their tickets to the gymnastics meet.
Ryan tells Screech about Lindsay’s reluctance to compete and he decides it’s time for a really stupid resolution to the episode. Also, Screech cried at the final episode of Blossom. The stupid things you find out about this show.
Lindsay comes to Mr. Belding’s office to tell Screech she’s not competing anymore. Screech does a really bad impersonation of someone scared of chicken. He tells Lindsay he’s been scared of chicken since he nearly choked on a bone. She tells him that’s fucking stupid and suddenly realizes how stupid this whole episode has been as she watches Screech eat chicken. Yes, she sits there and watches him eat chicken.
At the meet, R.J. announces the gym is full. Maria scores a 9.5 for her routine on the balance beam.
Occasionally, there is something on this show so stupid I need to show you the video to prove it happened. This is one of those times.
Ladies and gentlemen, Screech clucking like a chicken to Ryan, because his character wasn’t creepy or annoying enough yet.
Rachel scores a 9.75 for the routine Tommy D helped her with. She gives Tommy D a celebratory pity kiss to thank him for his help, and this naturally makes the audience lose their shit because they just wish they could have a pity kiss as well.
Lindsay flips around for a few minutes and, though she looks no better than Rachel and Maria, she gets a perfect ten, meaning the gymnastics team advances to the state championship. And Mr. Belding announces the meet made enough money that Bayside’s arbitrary criteria for sending sports teams to San Francisco has been met.
But you know what’s been missing from both this meet and the one at the beginning of the episode? Any sign of a competing team. Yes, there’s no attempt to even make it look like Bayside is competing against anyone else! Considering how I’m sure this episode will never be referenced again, I’m assuming this is a wet dream of Screech’s because he wants to imagine the girls in skimpy clothing.
And, if that’s the case, the ending of this episode is even more creepy as Screech looks on at Ryan and Lindsay making out because…somehow…Ryan saved the day, even though he totally didn’t…