Ah, it’s a clip episode and, if you read my The New Class reviews, you know I don’t review clips from episodes that I’ve already watched. I mean, what else is there to say about them that wasn’t said the first time around? Clip episodes are almost always just excuses to save money by not filming an entire new episode, and season four of Saved by the Bell has four of them. I suppose I should say that I’m grateful they at least waited until they had enough material to make actual clips. But the good thing about these episodes is your reviewer basically gets half a week off. I say half a week because I still have to review the suckiness that is The New Class.
So, let’s look briefly at the framing plot and see how transparent this attempt to pad out the number of episodes is.
It’s Valentine’s Day and romance is in the air at The Max. Why, just look at the chemistry between these two extras who look like they’re playing that game as a kid where you stare at someone and see who blinks first.
Then there are these two, who couldn’t obtain a copy of The Joy of Sex at Bayside’s library so they’re settling for a book simply called “Love” instead. This is about as bad as when Screech had that stupid book in Palm Desert.
And, of course, there’s the ultimate romance of feeding your boyfriend like he’s an infant. Seriously, if someone tried to feed me, I might smack the shit out of them and tell them to buy a cat if they want to feed someone.
These two are getting married I guess? I don’t know. He gave her a ring and didn’t say a word so I’m just going to go with they’re both mute and communicate via the contours of their smiles.
The episode proper opens with Zack Morris declaring how much he likes Valentine’s Day because random girls he doesn’t even know stop and give him roses. Oh, Zack Morris. That’s not love. That’s a stalker.
Kelly, for some reason, thinks Zack Morris bought roses for the whore of an ex who dumped him for a former Star Trek captain because I always buy flowers for my exes on Valentine’s Day, especially if they cheated on me.
He realizes there’s only one girl at the table he hasn’t been with and he’ll get to her in a few weeks, so he gives both Lisa and Jessie a rose for being his one episode fling.
Screech comes out dressed as a giant heart because he’s a fucking idiot and thinks this will win Lisa over to him since we’ve forgotten once again that he’s supposed to have gotten over Lisa.
So the clips start and the first set is about Zack Morris and Kelly and about how she supposedly went for him because he wanted her so bad. No, you went for him because you played einey meanie miney mo between him and Slater.
Slater and Jessie fight over who wanted to go out with whom. As a result, we see a series of clips about their relationship.
A nerd randomly steals Screech’s heart and we get a series of clips about his sexual harassment of Lisa.
We also get a miscellaneous set about the gang dating guest stars but they claim they never liked any of these people as much as their set romances within the gang.
After they waste twenty-three minutes talking about past episodes, the boys think it was a good Valentine’s Day but Kelly says it’s not over yet. She huddles with Jessie and Lisa and convinces Lisa to do the dirtiest thing she’s ever done in her life.
So Kelly kisses Zack Morris.
Jessie kisses Slater.
And Lisa kisses her harasser because we needed to strip Lisa of any remaining dignity she had left. And our episode ends with Zack Morris wishing everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day even though this episode originally aired a few days before Halloween. God this show was horrible with its timing on holiday-themed episodes.
I don’t normally comment too much on the clips but there are two things I want to point out. One, a couple major romantic interests are notably missing. Stacey and Tori are nowhere to be seen. Now the explanation for Tori is obvious: she just didn’t exist yet when this episode was filmed, but they could have added in a clip or two afterwards! Stacey’s a different story, and I know someone will point out that the second clip episode is devoted to that arc, but it’s still odd that they did a clip episode on love interests without even showing one of Zack Morris’s major love interest.
Two, one clip provides evidence that what we have via the DVDs, Netflix, and reruns are cut episodes.
This is a scene from “The Aftermath” where Slater sets Zack Morris up with Terry, an overly-masculine woman from his gym who dominates Zack Morris Rhonda Rubistelli-style. Yeah, if you don’t remember this clip, that’s because it’s been cut out of everything except this scene in the clip episode. Most shows restore cut scenes for DVD release as a service to fans. Saved by the Bell doesn’t give a shit about all that. Yeah, it shouldn’t surprise me that this is the way Saved by the Bell treats its loyal fans, but it’s disappointing nonetheless.
Well, until next week when we actually get back to a real episode and not just an excuse to have twenty-six episodes for the season!
Firsts: Clip episode.