The New Class Season 4, Episode 2: “Unequal Opportunity”

Ah, it only took two episodes to get out of the school because why should a show about high school take place in high school anyway? Yes, we’re at the mall this week where the stores have once again changed. Geez, having a store at this mall is bad for business since gone are the sports store, video store, candy store, and clothing store of previous seasons, replaced with a frozen yogurt store and a hairdresser.

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Ryan wants Nicky to be his personal slave and sell sun block on what I presume is an unauthorized kiosk. Like The Max, though, we’ve long ago learned that the mall basically lets our gang do whatever the hell they want because they’re the only six people who visit it on a consistent basis.

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Nicky’s not terribly upset by the slave labor or Ryan’s stupid laziness, but wearing a dumb hat is the last straw for him so, when Rachel comes by and suggests that the movie theater she’s working at needs an usher, he’s out of there. And thus ends the “Ryan sells sun block” sub plot. Yeah, it’s never mentioned again in the episode. What was the point of that if it wasn’t even going to last past the three minute mark?

Also, Nicky’s defining characteristic seems to be that he’s from New York as he keeps reminding us of that every episode. Good, you’re from New York. Go back and jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, and bring Screech with you while you’re at it!

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Maria’s super excited that Katie has a job as an apprentice for Jean-Paul. OH MY GOD! NOT JEAN-PAUL! THAT’S FABULOUS! BEST SUBPLOT EVER! Wait…who the fuck is Jean-Paul? Well, we get some exposition that explains he cuts hair for the girls on Melrose Place and Friends, which doesn’t date this episode at all, and it makes complete sense that a high priced Hollywood hair stylist is working out of…the fucking New Class mall. Yeah, this is hurting my head too much. Can we move on to more important things?

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…like Eric getting a job working at Yukon Yogurt. And you won’t believe who owns it.

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Yes, the man who, two seasons ago, had to work the summer at a shitty golf club to make ends meet now has enough money to buy a frozen yogurt store in the mall. I guess his brother-in-law must have been paying him some amazing money at all these random mall gigs he’s had that a man who can’t be at the store five days a week now owns it. And, proving Mr. Belding never learns from past mistakes, he hired Screech to be his manager, because having the world’s biggest dumb ass work for you in two jobs sounds like the best idea in the world. Also…are they just open on the weekend? If none of your employees or managers can be there through the week, that’s a problem! And, no, this doesn’t take place during the summer because, at one point, Rachel actually says that Nicky just moved there from New York. It’s good to see that some things never change, like The New Class explaining its timeline.

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Meet our main plot, Rachel’s boss at the movie theater, Mr. Dimmick, who doesn’t know his own schedule and automatically assumes she’s late because she’s a girl and girls are always late. No, really, that’s what he says. It’s going to be that sort of episode

Rachel introduced Nicky to Mr. Dimmick as a candidate for the usher position and, since it’s critical to understanding Nicky’s personality, tells Mr. Dimmick Nicky is from New York. Mr. Dimmick starts to instantly fall in love with Nicky, what with his being from New York and his XY chromosomes, and I’m beginning to wonder if this is a very special episode about sexism or about special touches.

So, predictably, Mr. Dimmick instantly hires Nicky and we cut to Nicky in uniform and shadowing Rachel. He’s obviously overwhelmed by how complicated it is to serve popcorn and soft drinks, as is to be expected from a character replacing Tommy D. Mr. Dimmick tells Rachel to take tickets. She asks Nicky to come watch her but Mr. Dimmick tells her she can handle it on her own since he’s not only sexist but a bad manager as he thinks it’s more important to have a conversation about baseball than to actually show a new employee how to do his job.

How did this guy get a job as a manger again?

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At the yogurt store, Screech decides that, since everyone thinks the yogurt tastes like shit, he’s going to change the recipe to make sure the store doesn’t go out of business and Mr. Belding lose their money. His solution? He and Eric add lots of hot fudge to the yogurt but still market it as non-fat. Oh, rich white people problems: is your yogurt really fat free?

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At the hair salon, Maria begs Katie to get her an appointment with Jean-Paul.

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As can be expected from a greatly admired character on The New Class, he’s bat shit crazy and thinks this extra’s hair needs “freedom.” This is the guy Maria wants to cut her hair? Yeah, nothing bad can possibly come out of this…

Katie says he’s booked ahead for months but Maria gets her to ask him. Also, Jean-Paul likes yogurt so Maria runs off to get some for him in order to kiss ass.

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And, yeah, in one scene, people are already loving Screech’s new flavor so much they want to riot to get some. I don’t get this…why is he yelling at them on a megaphone instead of serving them? I mean, we see Ryan, Rachel, and Nicky eating some so we know they’ve already been selling some yogurt. The biggest mistake of all in this scene? I expected something on The New Class to make sense!

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Mr. Dimmick randomly track down Nicky to tell him that he’s hiring him as the new weekend manager over Rachel because an inexperienced manager you wouldn’t even allow to learn to take tickets is the perfect person to run your theater while you’re gone because penises make you more qualified for everything.

After a commercial break, Rachel tells Ryan she’s really depressed over being passed up for the promotion because she, too, expected something on The New Class to make sense. He suggests that she talk to Mr. Dimmick about her feelings because that always works with a boss who’s being so blatantly sexist that he might as well be slapping Rachel on the ass and sending her out to get his lunch and dry cleaning.

Oh, and Katie got Maria an appointment with Jean-Paul because I’m really giving a shit about that subplot right now when there’s so many more important things to worry about…

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…like does Screech’s new recipe pass the “fat test.” Yes, this machine is supposed to instantly tell you if a product is low fat or not with scientific terms like “chunky” and “big fatso.” Surprise, surprise, it doesn’t, but Screech and Eric hide the results from Mr. Belding so he doesn’t know they’re engaged in false advertising in case someone else has one of these magical machines.

What they do instead is throw a bunch of chocolate chips on the floor and convince Mr. Belding they’re ants. That way, they don’t open for business and Screech and Eric will have time to come up with a real low fat recipe. Shoot me now. I never thought I would have to type those things in the same paragraph.

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Mr. Dimmick continues pursuing his blossoming love with Nicky over lunch at the food court as they bond over a shared love of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s pecs. When he gets up to leave, Rachel accosts him and tells him she doesn’t approve of his inability to run a movie theater in a competent manner. He throws a few more stereotypes about women out like that they’re less competent to be managers and that they’re overly emotional, and he says he has to go because he’s late for his meeting of the local MRA chapter, Zack Morris, president.

After witnessing the entire exchange, Ryan agrees with Rachel that this episode is bull shit while Rachel decides that Mr. Dimmick will never treat her fairly as long as she has a vagina.

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Oh, and in that subplot I’m still not giving two shits about, Jean-Paul gave Maria a shitty ’60s style haircut. She says she’s going to ask Jean-Paul to do her hair over but Katie begs her not to because this will somehow get Katie in trouble if Maria dares criticize an insane man. Or, if he’s so insecure he’ll get upset at criticism over his work, you could, I don’t know, go to another stylist? Yeah, but that would make sense and you know what The New Class thinks about common sense!

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Ryan confronts Nicky about Mr. Dimmick’s sexism but Nicky rejects Ryan’s thoughts because he’s all, “Mr. Dimmick’s just a nice old pedophile! Quit thinking horrible things about him!”

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At the movie theater, the projector breaks and the audience wants to throw stuff at Nicky to make themselves feel better.

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Rachel rushes in and saved the day by offering the audience passes for the “preview” tomorrow night, whatever the hell that is. Because previews are so awesome, this quells the audience’s anger since previews are so awesome, whatever the hell a preview is. I always thought previews were those things shown before a film that teased other upcoming films you may want to spend your money on. Seeing those wouldn’t satisfy me about not being able to see the end of my film.

Mr. Dimmick praises Nicky for handling the crisis, even as Nicky tries to give credit to Rachel. This is the last straw for Rachel, who says she doesn’t need a caricature as a boss and quits.

In the food court, Rachel looks for a new job but can’t find anything as Maria continues to complain about her hairdo. Also, Screech’s new recipe, which is low-fat, sucks ass and he finally comes clean with Mr. Belding, who gives them a guilt trip about false advertising and having fifty pounds of yogurt he can’t sell.

Nicky tells Ryan he was right about Mr. Dimmick being sexist and that the vice-president of the chain is coming to the preview tonight. Nicky’s supposed to find a replacement for Rachel, a male replacement, by tonight. Nicky says he should tells the VP, but Ryan says it’s his word against Mr. Dimmick’s, unless they can prove he’s sexist. I smell a ridiculous contrived scene coming on that will prove absolutely nothing in the long run!

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Yes, Nicky brings Ryan and Katie as the applicants because it’s completely normal to interview two people for the same position at the same time. Naturally, Katie is the more qualified one, even bringing a plagiarized letter of reference from Steven Spielberg. Ryan, however, hates everything but sports. Katie tries to speak up several times and Mr. Dimmick tells her to shut her woman hole. He hires Ryan because it’s good business to have penises around a theater and tells Katie to get her non-penis bearing body the hell out of there.

Wait, how the hell is that going to prove anything? They didn’t record it or anything? Basically, it’s still their word against Mr. Dimmick’s!

But there’s time for Screech to come in and propose that the yogurt store cater the preview with the fifty pounds of high fat yogurt because theaters don’t care about selling their own over priced concessions at all! Since Mr. Dimmick is the king of bad business decisions, he allows the yogurt store to sell at the preview.

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At the preview, Mr. Belding loves that Screech came up with the great idea to market their yogurt as high fat instead, which makes no sense because why wouldn’t you just buy ice cream if you don’t care about fat content? But at least this awful subplot is over because they sell all the high fat yogurt.

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Miss Phelps, the vice-president, gives an overly rehearsed speech about wanting to see how each of the theaters is running while Maria tells Jean-Paul that his hairstyle sucks ass and she wants a redo. He agrees with her and tells her to come back in for him to do it again, rendering this entire subplot stupidly inane.

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Ryan’s purposely rude with Miss Phelps and, as expected, she doesn’t much like it. Miss Phelps demands to know who hired Ryan and Mr. Dimmick tries to throw Nicky under the bus. Nicky tells Miss Phelps that he brought a girl who was much more qualified but that Mr. Dimmick chose to hire a boy instead. He brings Rachel over and tells Miss Phelps how he was promoted over Rachel because of his penis. Naturally, even without any proof of his accusation like a recording that Ryan and Nicky could have easily produced with their unlimited resources, Miss Phelps believes them because we’re short on time and do not want a two-parter. Miss Phelps suspends Mr. Dimmick and sends him to sensitivity training while rehiring Rachel as manager for the preview.

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Rachel thanks Nicky for helping her, fires Ryan, and our episode ends with sexism in the world completely solved because Rachel gets to be a manager of a theater!

Firsts: Yukon Yogurt, Rachel and Nicky work at the movie theater.

3 responses to “The New Class Season 4, Episode 2: “Unequal Opportunity”

  1. I think they meant to say “premiere”.

  2. Did Kelly help him design the Fat Tester? It looks like their Love Tester science project from five years earlier.

  3. ILovedKellyKapowski

    I imagine it must be incredibly hard for Mr. Dimmick, when his boss is a woman. It’s like a KKK member who works for a black man.

    Unless the real reason Mr. Dimmick favors Nicky and Ryan is because he is sexually attracted to young, teenage boys.

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