I can’t believe it! Not only are we back at the mall this week but Yukon Yogurt still exists! It’s like the writers of The New Class actually started keeping track of continuity! What is this bizarro world I’m now living in?!?! It’s like the writers actually give a damn what happens on this show!!!
Or this is an out of order episode. There are clues that this might not be an out of order episode like Ryan and Rachel actually dating but you know, whatever.
In any case, Screech is dressed like an ice cream cone and Mr. Belding is a cup of yogurt that keeps getting stuck in the elevator. They’ve found their true calling. Also, Mr. Belding isn’t wearing pants…for some reason. Yeah, this gag goes on for quite a bit of the first five minutes and it’s the usual “Screech acting like a jackass and making Mr. Belding the butt of the joke” routine. Remember when the Mr. Belding character was somewhat dignified?
Continuing in the vein of continuity, everyone has the same jobs they had before. Rachel and Nicky still work at the movie theater, Maria at the club, Katie at Jean-Paul’s hair salon, Eric at Yukon Yogurt, and Ryan selling sunscreen. I’m really wondering what bizarro world we’re in since the mall is supposed to completely change stores every six months or so!
The gang get excited because they spot Rick and Carol, anchors for the tabloid show “The Real Story” eating Yukon Yogurt and go to overwhelm them with demands for attention. Turns out tha they’re doing a report on teenagers who work in the mall.
The gang show Rick and Carol their pimples in hopes of being the subject of their reporting, not seeming to be suspicious about the fact that Rachel says they reported the night before that Princess Diana and Dennis Rodman were dating. Oh, The New Class, what depths of stupidity will you not stoop to?
Rick and Carol think it’s a good idea to use the gang as their subjects since it means the producers don’t need to hire any guest stars and say they’ll be back at 3:00 to start filming.
Meanwhile, Screech says he and Mr. Belding are making a commercial for Yukon Yogurt. What an exciting subplot.
So the filming goes about as well as you expect. Carol convinces Katie to cut the hair on a mannequin while they film, saying it will be better for the filming.
Maria serves a man in the club. Then, Rick films her while asking about a bad customer, giving Maria the excuse to say, “Bug off, buddy,” for the commercial.
Carol films Rachel and Nicky in a filthy theater that looks like it desperately needs to be cleaned rather than have a television interview done in it. She tells the two to sit back and films them relaxing in chairs in the theater, while gross stuff sticks to their feet.
Rick films Eric singing and then dropping a pint of yogurt. Geez, this is all so exicitng I’m speechless. I wish every episode of The New Class could be a camera crew filming the gang doing their jobs.
Finally, Carol films Ryan at his stand. Carol prods him for how he maintains his relationship with Rachel given how hard she works and he cracks a joke about her sneaking out during films to see him but quickly says it was a joke.
And, as if we need more reason to be bored by this episode, the whole gang make funny faces for the camera. Well, this has been a good waste of six and a half minutes of my life so far. Can we get to something truly exciting and thrilling?
Well, yes, and that would be Screech filming the commercial for Yukon Yogurt. Yes, the only man with an IQ lower than the product he sells. Oh, and the running gag that’s run into the ground is that Mr. Belding can’t properly pronounce the flavor of yogurt he’s hocking. Oh, and Screech uses a standard camcorder because he has no fucking clue how to film a commercial. Is anything going to happen during this episode?
The gang gather at the club to watch the piece on them while Maria’s boss is totally excited for the publicity the piece will give the club. In a move I could have predicted a thousand miles away, the piece is selectively edited to make the gang look as bad and as incompetent as possible. Eric looks like he serves yogurt to customers that’s been on the floor, Katie looks like she cuts hair without training or a license, Maria looks like she’s rude as hell to customers, and Rachel and Nicky look like they’re lazy and don’t do their jobs. Since everything you see on television is real, everyone instantly believes the bullshit that spews out of Rick and Carol’s mouths, leading to Maria getting fired, Katie being put on clean-up detail, and Nicky and Rachel having their hours cut.
But, hey, we do get to see the exterior of the mall! I’d love to know which real mall got to be a stand-in for The New Class‘s mall.
On top of all this, the Yukon Yogurt ad airs right after the piece, but Mr. Belding and Screech suck at life so they miss seeing any of it and Eric decides to hide what happened from them. As a result, customers start returning yogurt, leaving Mr. Belding and Screech not understanding what’s happening but giving refunds without question despite the fact that’s not how it works in the food service industry. I wonder if I can buy a Big Mac and then return it to McDonald’s after watching Super Size Me.
Ryan and Eric decide enough is enough and go to the station to try to reason with Rick and Carol. Our intrepid reporters are all, “We enjoy making up stupid lies that could possibly get us sued by businesses that lose money because of our stupidity so grow up and accept that you’re just screwed!”
Back at Yukon Yogurt, a health inspector decides to randomly shut down Yukon Yogurt based on the story without corroboration. Eric finally tells Mr. Belding and Screech what happened and they actually end up being the only adults in this episode with a bit of common sense as they instantly believe the gang that the reporters lied. It’s sad when Screech isn’t the dumbest adult in one of these episodes but it’s sadder when he’s smarter than at least seven adults either seen or mentioned as believing this idiocy.
Naturally, Ryan has a plan to get revenge on Rick and Carol. He calls them, pretending to have a multi-million dollar deal to offer them. He tells them to meet the president of the company while he’s having his hair done at the hair salon.
Being greedy stereotypes, they naturally show up and who do you suppose is the president of the fake company offering Rick and Carol the deal?
Why, who else but Screech in a bad mustache. I’m confused why Screech needs a disguise since Rick and Carol haven’t met him before but I’ll chalk it up to Screech being a complete dumb ass. He gets Rick and Carol to admit to fabricating stories while the gang record it on camera and they blackmail Rick and Carol into issuing an on air apology for the story, with Screech pointing out that Mr. Belding could sue them for lots and lots of money for ruining his business. Once again, it’s a sad day when Screech is the voice of reason in any episode.
So, of course, the apology is half-assed, but Mr. Belding says it should be enough to convince all the gullible adults that they were stupid to believe the story to begin with and will allow everything to go back to normal.
Yukon Yogurt’s new ad airs featuring Screech showing off his incompetence in basic props because it’s hilarious to see Screech hit over the head with a sign.
And our episode ends with Mr. Belding’s reaction to Screech’s incompetence: the equivalent of, “Oh, you rascal, you!” I didn’t realize I’m suddenly watching Leave it to Beaver.
Well, wasn’t that a great message to give teenagers: don’t trust television. Well, I guess it is a good message if you believe that caffeine pills are addictive or that Zack Morris is Native American.