We went nine years in this franchise without a science fair so why the hell not because science fairs are exciting and shit, right? Oh, god, why do I review this show? Oh, yeah, because there’s people on the internet who enjoy reading my pain.
And we’re off to a good start as Screech annoys Mr. Belding with his senior year science project: an automatic nose blower. Yeah, seriously, this is what almost caused Bayside to win the science fair one year because in the Saved by the Bell universe, science fairs are multi-school competitions since the writers of this show have no idea how high school actually works. What’s worse is it’s this incompetent project that’s supposed to be Screech’s crowning achievement despite the fact it never works and not the fact Screech invented artificial life. God, I hate this show.
Mr. Belding despairs over the fact Bayside has never won the science fair as it’s never been featured in an episode before. Fortunately for him, he’s placed the most incompetent person in the opening credits in charge of the fair, Screech, so they’re naturally going to win this year!
Screech gives the gang a pep talk about how they’re the six in the opening credits right now so they’re Bayside’s only hope. For some reason, Eric and Maria are super excited about building random things despite the fact that they’ve never shown any predilection towards this before. But, hey, this is characterization on the fly so why the hell not!
Ryan and Nicky think science fairs suck ass so Rachel and Katie decide the dynamic duo have time to get them tickets to see “Hamlet” starring Keanu Reeves. Yeah, you might notice the issue here: everyone knows Keaunu Reeves is a hack who could never do Shakespearean theater. Yeah, and this episode may be horribly out of order since it appears that Nicky and Katie are suddenly together again. Oh, The New Class, always confusing your viewers horribly.
Well, Ryan and Nicky don’t want to go but they realize it might get their dicks wet so they decide they’ll go anyway.
Oh, The Max, home to whatever our gang needs it to be, including building science fair projects apparently. Eric’s project is turning a vacuum cleaner into a robot, which would be a good idea except, um, need I remind these idiot writers this is coming the hell out of nowhere?!? Where was he during the baby simulator episode when he could have just reprogrammed his doll to stop crying!
Oh, and Maria is doing something involving sorting recycling, which means she’s invented the art of sorting!
In the other plot, we see Ryan and Nicky playing video games instead of buying tickets. Oh, the predictable setup for horrible conflict.
Back at Bayside, Fuzzy shows how smart he is by inventing the pencil because Bayside’s best and brightest are all apparently complete morons. In fact, Screech doesn’t think any of the inventions have any merit so he pressures them to come up with better ideas so he can live out his dream of winning the science fair that he’s way too invested in well into his twenties.
The bell rings, signaling the end of…science fair class? Jesus Christ, I’m beginning to think everything’s a class and there are no extracurricular activities at this school. Anyway, Ryan invites Rachel to lunch and she says it’s a good thing he and Nicky bought the tickets because everyone wants Keanu Reeves’s bone and the play sold out.
In Mr. Belding’s office, Screech continues to annoy Mr. Belding with his stupid contraption that doesn’t work.
Eric comes in with his new and improved robot, which is super great now because it has a hat and arms. Screech thinks Eric’s robot is suddenly super great and could win, so Screech sends Eric to class while he plays with Eric’s robot and demonstrates his lack of ethics.
Back at The Max, Maria invents the conveyor belt to help her sort trash. Brilliant, Maria, just brilliant thinking there. Screech comes to get Eric so he can see his new and improved science project.
Ryan can’t get tickets to the play and finds the only ones available are from scalpers for $100 a piece. Rachel and Katie come in and Ryan’s about to tell them the truth when they reveal they’re going to pay for dinner for the four before the play. Ryan seems to love food because this is enough for him to not give a shit about telling the truth anymore because they might get laid. Ryan and Nicky decide they have to find a way to get money and buy the tickets from the scalper.
Back at Baysde, Screech reveals he’s invented Kevin’s mentally challenged brother, Dustin Diamond. Eric’s skeptical that the new robot is very different from his but Screech insists that this robot could win the science fair. Ryan walks in as Screech demonstrates his stupid artificial intelligence and he gets a plan on how to make money.
This is by having Stupid Face the Robot put stuff in his locker…
…and then sell the robot to do the random extras’ chores. Mr. Belding shows up and is impressed that Eric’s suddenly become a genius in robotics against type.
In Mr. Belding’s office, the robot cleans Mr. Belding’s office but he becomes suspicious when the robot starts talking like a fucking moron, much like a certain administrative assistant he knows. Screech confesses that he helped Eric cheat and, rather than firing Screech for yet another display of gross incompetence, convinces him to make things right.
So Eric comes in and Screech tells him that he’s decided he was wrong to do his work for him. Having created life a second time, Screech is going to kill his new life form. Eric’s understandably upset since he didn’t ask for Dumb Ass’s help in the first place and now he has to start all over again. He marches out of the office, all the while wondering why he has to be the only character in Screech’s former role to last more than a season.
In a classroom, Eric rebuilds his robot as Maria comes in to take her garbage. Maria gives Eric some bull shit about how awesome he is and how he’ll probably get a job at NASA someday.
This leads to a dream sequence where Ryan’s an astronaut in trouble who has no idea what to do because he cheated on his high school science project and because his time at Space Camp apparently meant nothing.
Unfortunately for Eric, his only hope is Screech in a rain jacket doing a bad impression of Obi Wan Kenobi. He says he can’t help Eric avoid death because that would be cheating. Yeah, that’s the real reason you can’t help Eric and not because you’re a dumb ass.
This last five minutes the writers work hard to try and convince us that the moral of this episode is that we learn things when we do our own work and not that Screech is the biggest fucking moron in this franchise’s history.
Well, it’s science fair day and, in case you want to know Screech’s running gag in this scene that’s rammed down your throat, it’s that Screech can’t tell that the judge is a woman because he’s never really felt the touch of a woman; Violet and Alison were hallucinations, which explains why he never mentions them now. Also, Rachel and Katie have invented a Swiss Army make-up kit because they’re girly girls unlike that stupid butch Maria.
Speaking of which, the judges are impressed that Maria’s managed to invent both the conveyor belt and the magnet for her trash sorter. Also, Ryan and Nicky show Rachel and Katie the tickets, which makes no sense as they already said they bought them so why are their guilty consciences trying to prove they really did?
But, oh no! It looks like Eric might not show up!
Of course, this is The New Class‘s attempt to inject tension into this scene, which fails miserably as it’s crystal clear Eric will show up before the end. And he does, of course.
And his robot now shines Mr. Belding, impressing the judge but distressing Ryan and Nicky as they’ve rented the other robot out to half the school and Screech murdered it.
The judge decides that Eric and Maria’s projects suck less than Valley and Westwood’s so she awards a tie for first place to the two.
Eric pretends like he learned a valuable lesson.
And our episode ends with Ryan and Nicky learning nothing as the people they sold Eric’s robot to demand a refund and Ryan decides they’ll just have to do all the chores for them since they couldn’t possibly just tell Rachel and Katie the truth.