The College Years Episode 15: “The Rave”

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In our cold opening, Kelly decides an episode is enough to get over her passionate two episode relationship with Lasky, so she comes and asks to be back in his class so she can be a part of the wacky hijinks sure to ensue. Lasky says now that he’s had his turn at being unethical so he’s back on the straight and narrow now that the plot demands it. As such, he’s placed Kelly with another professor so he won’t be tempted to jump her again. She totally shows she’s over Lasky by running out in a hissy fit, proving how mature and shit she is.

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Lasky tries to make up with Zack Morris and Zack Morris is all, “I don’t like you because you’re my rival for Kelly now and the writers figured I need some conflict in my life.” He sits next to Slater, saying he has to figure out a way to get Kelly back. Slater tells him the obvious way is to go to Cancun over winter break and fuck her. Zack Morris says he has no money but, since the episode is titled “The Rave,” he’s sure he’ll think of something plot related to earn thousands of dollars from poor college students.

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After the credits, Mike barges in and tells the gang he’s going to visit his mother after she broke a bone kicking a bull so the Dean of Students will be watching the dorm. As with most of Mike’s scenes, it’s pointless and not funny, and, on top of that, we have to listen to Screech talk about masturbation. No, really, he says he explores his body all the time. It’s time to call my therapist and up my medication to make the night terrors disappear.

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Zack Morris says he’s thought of the perfect way to raise money: he has an abandoned warehouse and he’s going to have a rave and charge $20 admission, which still won’t come close to the thousands of dollars he told Slater he could raise, but never mind things like consistency with what you just said in the previous scene. Leslie’s all, “Oh no! Raves are illegal and shit!” since she’s turning into Jessie the longer she’s a part of this franchise and says she won’t be a party to doing anything illegal. The rest of the gang sans Kelly agree to advertise for the rave.

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At the student union, Zack Morris says he can’t use the warehouse because they’re turning it into a Wal-Mart because Wal-Mart often buys random abandoned warehouses and repurposes them for new stores. He tells Slater that, instead, with Mike gone, they’ll have the rave at the dorm by moving all of Mike’s stuff out of his room and painting it to be a dance floor. If this wasn’t Saved by the Bell, I’d say this is going to come back to bite Zack Morris in the ass, but it’s Saved by the Bell, where Zack Morris never experiences any consequences for his actions. He puts Screech in charge of changing the location on all the fliers.

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And meet Jason, our subplot conflict for the episode. Jason wants Screech to get him and his friends some nitorus oxide because all the kids at raves do nitrous oxide. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s not what rave kids did, even before the invention of ecstasy.

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Back in the suite, Leslie’s mesmerized by a flickering light because she has the intelligence of an amoeba and Zack Morris and Slater have moved all the furniture out of Mike’s room.

Kelly asks Zack Morris why he’s going to so much trouble, and he takes her into his room for hot talking, telling her that he’s planning to take her to Cancun and fuck her. She tells him that’s just super-di-duper  and can’t wait for Zack Morris to have his way with her.

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And in walks Susan McMann, our dean of students, who’s listed as “also starring” in the episodes she’s in. It seems like the producers were desperately trying to save this show by adding new characters to try and fix the many problems this show had.  Dean McMann makes a positive first impression, first meeting Screech and wondering how a complete dumb ass like him could make it into college.

Dean McMann’s looking for Zack Morris. She broke into Mike’s room and wants to know why there’s no furniture in it. Somehow she psychically realized that a random student named Zack Morris who she’d never previously met did something wrong. The gang tell Dean McMann they’re planning on painting Mike’s room while he’s away and, while Dean McMann doesn’t buy he story, she’s got to let the plot play out because otherwise Zack Morris would never get to do anything.

Dean McMann’s characterization is all over the board. In some ways, she’s the most sane character on the show, as evidenced by how she realizes Screech is a complete dumb ass. In other ways, she’s just as bat shit crazy as they are, as evidenced by her practically sucking Leslie’s cock when she finds out who Leslie’s parents are or by the fact she takes pleasure in randomly punishing students. In any case, I’m guessing they were intending her to be the authority figure they wanted Mike to be but utterly failed at.

Leslie tells Zack Morris that he better think twice about having a rave but he says that he wants to fuck Kelly too badly so the rave is on!

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And, yeah, it’s time for our rave because why waste anymore time with preliminary shit? And, yeah, the lighting is so horrible that it’s difficult to believe these are the same sets used for the dorm. Take Mike’s room. We’ve seen it clearly and we know there’s a kitchenette. But, unless the gang took out Mike’s kitchen sink with the furniture, it’s not the same set. Jesus Fucking Christ, the producers of this show just assume that everyone is so stupid they won’t notice that they’re just using a different set.

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And, to make matters worse, Alex is the DJ, because when I think rave music, I think the second craziest person on this show. God, Alex even says her “rap name” is “Snoop Allie Dog.” Shoot me now. As if this isn’t enough, we get a gag about a doberman eating a Chinese exchange student named Wing Wing.  Shoot me now.

Screech acts like a dumb ass during the rave and Slater calls him a moron so what’s the best way to handle the situation? Why, get Jason his nitrous oxide of course because that will prove he’s cool. And this is the character they decided to carry over to The New Class…. vlcsnap-2015-12-07-19h13m08s17

At the student union, we get another thing about Dean McMann: that she wants to have wild monkey sex with Professor Lasky. Yeah, the longer she’s in this episode, the more she seems like a horrible caricature.

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Dean McMann is really there to have dinner with Leslie so she can suck her cock some more. But she hears students talk about the rave despite Leslie trying to keep fliers from her and says that, if Leslie wasn’t rich and shit, she’d be expelled. And Dean McMann must be psychically linked to Zack Morris because she says she’s on her way to bust Zack Morris and kick his ass out of college since he’s the only person in at Cal U who ever does anything. This episode can’t seem to decide if Dean McMann is a horrible person or not.

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Back at the rave, Leslie gets a message to Zack Morris through this creepy guy who wrote it on his underwear that Dean McMann is coming. Yeah, this guy is Stingray and he’ll make two more appearances on The College Years before becoming a recurring character on California Dreams. It seems he’s so stupid he regressed and started hanging out with high school students.

So what will our gang do about the rave?

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Why, move the rave to the lecture hall of course, because there’s apparently no campus security or locked doors at Cal U to prevent anyone from getting in any time.

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Dean McMann busts into Mike’s room but only finds the doberman and the joke’s supposed to be the doberman is afraid of her. How hilarious. I forgot to laugh.

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Back at the lecture hall, Screech tells Slater he really is a moron and got the nitrous oxide for Jason. He goes to get it back but finds out he’s an even bigger idit than he though because he got them helium instead. And so ends Saved by the Bell‘s closest attempt to have a very special episode on drug abuse since Johnny Dakota.

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Lasky rushes in wearing a bath robe and breaks up the rave. How sad. I guess he really does live in his office, which is apparently in ear shot of the lecture hall in case of students doing stupid shit.

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Dean McMann rushes in to bust Zack Morris but Laskey says it was part of a class project. Dean McMann says she knows Laskey’s lying but, since a professor is telling her something, she can’t use her common sense. As there are already so many plot holes in this episode, she leaves but tells Zack Morris she’ll be keeping her eye on him through their psychic connection. Laskey tells everyone to leave and the rave’s over.

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Back at the suite, Zack Morris thinks he has a chance at Kelly until he overhears Kelly gush to Leslie over how Lasky covered for Zack Morris and says she could just keep loving him forever, or at least for two more episodes, as he’s just that irresistible.vlcsnap-2015-12-07-19h23m13s176

And our episode ends with Zack Morris upset that the writers are drawing out this plot even longer and that he won’t get to fuck Kelly in Cancun since he had to give refunds on the rave, which I’m pretty sure he really wouldn’t be compelled to do since they did get to have a rave for at least a little bit.

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During the credits, we get a bonus scene where Mike comes back and discovers his room. After threatening to kick the shit out of Zack Morris, he’s chased around the halls by the doberman, which must be pretty hungry by now since I guess Dean McMann just locked it in Mike’s room for god knows how long.

Firsts: Dean Susan McMann, Stingray.

2 responses to “The College Years Episode 15: “The Rave”

  1. You left off the best part. That the dean was played by Holland Taylor of Bosom Buddies and Two And A Half Men fame.

  2. Yeah why wouldn’t you paint the entire second floor black for a one off event? That seems entirely practical and cost effective.

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