We open at the site of the soon to be Reynolds’s house. Now that we’ve seen the ending of the Habitat for Humanity arc, it’s time to see the beginning! Nicky asks whether they can really build a house in just two weeks as volunteers and Katie assures them Habitat for Humanity has built 60,000 homes for low income families using volunteers just like the. Uh, Katie, that’s not what he asked. He asked if it was physically fucking possible to build a god damned house in just two weeks, which it’s not! It’s like the writers know this scenario is going to sound absolutely ridiculous so they’re trying to avoid answering the question. It’s like if I asked if McDonald’s was open and you responded to me that they’ve served millions of customers with only the highest quality beef available.
The gang quickly meet Sandra and Mrs. Reynolds, who’s emtional that she’s getting her own home, and in less time than is physically possible.
Sandra walks over to meet the creature who can’t figure out how to find a hat that fits his head. Now most small children would run screaming at the sight of Screech, but Sandra finds him amusing, presumably because she was dropped on her head as a baby.
Most of the gang are put on trash detail while Katie gets to be on publicity…for some reason. Why would a teenager be in charge of publicity for Habitat for Humanity? I’m pretty sure that’s a service they would handle internally so some stupid teenager doesn’t fuck it up.
Maria’s nearly run over by this guy who she doesn’t know who he is yet. Now this episode is going to illustrate why I told you two weeks ago you’re going to find Mike fucking creepy as hell after this episode as it’s crystal clear that Maria’s falling for him. The actor who plays Mike was born in 1971, which made him twenty-six when this aired, but he looks a hell of a lot older, which makes it difficult to imagine him as the student they’re going to paint him to be in a few minutes. Hell, I really believed he was Sandra’s father two weeks ago!
The gang get lunch at a taco stand where the rest of the gang decide Maria’s stalking Mike. She makes a point to talk to him when he comes up to get lunch. She abandons her lunch and friends so she can go talk with Mike and find out what it’s like to be way too old to be cast in a TNBC show.
Katie runs up and says NBC is sending over a reporter. They immediately decide to go home and get changed so they look good for the story, immediately assuming the reporter will want to interview a bunch of teenagers.
Sandra finds Screech all alone and asks him to build her a mailbox, giving him a story that makes the audience all sappy and emotional and shit about a mailbox guaranteeing people will know it’s their home and no one will be able to take it away. Too bad for Sandra she picked the most incompetent person there to complete this task, the one most likely to fuck it up. And then she kisses him. This episode is all about inappropriate relationships.
Katie comes up with Beverly White. Fun fact: she’s a real local reporter for the Los Angeles NBC affiliate. I have no idea why they decided to go with an actual reporter on this episode considering they’ve never given a shit before, but I like to think that Tom Brokaw told them to go fuck themselves when they asked him to cameo.
Ryan, Nicky, Eric, and Liz meanwhile talk as loud as they possibly can in the vicinity of Beverly hoping she’ll want to interview them. If it’s possible, all four actors managed to find a way to bring their acting down to a level even worse than normal. Beverly might be the best actor on the set this week. Poor her.
Meanwhile, Screech drops a bucket of nails on Mr. Belding’s head because it’s his personal mission to kill Mr. Belding before this show is cancelled.
Maria’s helping out hammering and so Mike comes around and shows her how to properly use a hammer since she’s a girl and shit. He promptly smashes his finer and Maria takes a look at it, declaring she’ll have to keep an eye on him for a while, preferably in bed. Mike asks Maria out to dinner and the creepiness factor just kicked up a bunch!
But then Beverly comes over to interview Mike and Maria finds out that Mike is a member of the family, suddenly making her unsure about dating someone who’s not as rich as her.
Of course, Maria and Mike go to The Max for their dinner, because that’s my idea of a romantic dinner. Maria can’t stop spouting microaggressions at Mike because she’s turning into a snobby bitch. She doesn’t want Mike to pay the bill and, when he insists, she waits for him to go to the restroom and puts money in his shirt.
Back at the construction site, Screech bothers the shit out of the mail carrier about his stupid mailboxes while Mr. Belding struggles in the background. Rather than the mail carrier telling him to fuck off as she’s actually got a job to do, she humors him and then just walks off silently, probably because the casting department was too cheap to pay her to say a line, but giving off the impression she can’t believe the idiot she just met. What’s a mail carrier doing at a house that hasn’t been built yet anyway?
Mr. Belding tells Screech to stop acting like an idiot about the mailbox and they’re just going to build one simple mailbox and be done with it, taking him off to keep him busy so he doesn’t destroy the house before it’s built.
Mike confronts Maria about putting money in his pocket and Maria’s all, “You poor and shit so I paid for you!” Mike’s getting upset about Maria’s microaggressions but says he’ll take her out that night for a nice meal and he’s fucking buying this time.
Katie’s going to get Beverly and, while she’s gone, Ryan, Nicky, Eric, and Liz send the rest of the volunteers on an early lunch so they’re the only volunteers for her to interview. Or she could wait a half hour and come back. Plus, why are the volunteers so stupid they don’t know when lunch is?
Screech tries to kill Mr. Belding by insisting they test their new mailbox by turning on an industrial-sized fan, throwing ice at him, and sending a Doberman after him. Why is Screech allowed to be in charge of anything?
Beverly comes around and films the gang installing a window. Unfortunately, they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing and soon break the window, looking like the idiots on television that I’ve been watching for five seasons now.
She then tries to interview Maria but is given more of Maria’s classist attitude about poor people being helpless and shit, leaving Beverly understanding why Tom Brokaw wouldn’t be on this show. Mike says he’s sick of Maria’s idiocy and doesn’t need her pity, walking off hoping to find another underage girl. Really, he should just be happy he found a girl who won’t report him for pretending to be much younger than he is.
At The Max, Katie chastises the gang for being idiots on camera. They feel bad, realizing they’ve made Habitat for Humanity look like morons. Yeah, that’s what Habitat for Humanity gets for letting The New Class use their name on their show.
Maria, meanwhile, doesn’t understand why Mike won’t date a classist jerk. Katie starts talking to Maria like a moron and Maria soon understands that even poor people have feelings and emotions and shit.
Mr. Belding finds Screech alone trying to get the mailbox to stop squeaking. Mr. Belding tells him to stop obsessing as it’s just a mailbox and Sandra will soon find My Little Pony on television and forget she ever asked for a mailbox.
The next day, she loves the mailbox and grabs Screech around his waist, giving him a funny feeling. And thus ends the exciting “Screech builds a mailbox” subplot.
Ryan, Nicky, Eric, and Liz apologize to Beverly for being jack asses and ask her not to use the footage so Habitat for Humanity don’t look stupid. She says she already figured out they were morons and decided not to besmirch the good name of the organization, leaving our idiots happy that they’re not going to be on television after all and ending that subplot.
Maria apologizes to Mike for being a classist asshole just because she’s richer than him. He accepts her apology and they’re left laughing about the lack of a future they have together, especially considering I couldn’t tell Maria liked Mike in the other episode.
And our episode, and the out of order Habitat for Humanity arc, ends with our assembled cast, guest stars, and extras cheering as they put up the last wall, setting us up sloppily for the ending we already saw two weeks ago where the house is ready to be lived in. Now let’s never let these people try to build a house again. Just make their rich ass parents donate to more selfless volunteers instead!