We open at…the mall…damn it, I thought we were done with the fucking mall for the season. Remember back in the original series when I thought it was a good idea to use the mall for shit? Well, now they’re just overdoing the mall every season of this show. God, what I wouldn’t give for the days of season one when every episode took place at Bayside, even if it was an obvious ripoff of an original episode.
Well, in any case, what you’re witnessing in the above screenshot is Nicky and Eric practicing for “disco bowling,” because that’s what all the cool kids were doing in the late ’90s. They want the girls to go, but Maria and Katie think that idea sucks ass and Liz is preparing to go with Ryan to a Spice Girls rip-off band concert for their one month anniversary. Maria and Katie practically orgasm over Liz going with a guy for a month since they haven’t really been touched ever since Nicky dumped them both, and Nicky and Eric think it’s odd Ryan’s going to this concert. Liz says he’s a special, sensitive sort of guy, which means she obviously haven’t seen him in action as long as we have.
Naturally, Ryan comes in and wants them to go to a concert. Suddenly, Liz thinks Ryan sucks ass and they have a fight involving two people who look like they’ve never had a fight in their life. Liz says she’s going to the fucking concert and Ryan decides to go with Nicky and Eric to disco bowling.
The boys get in the elevator to go to the bowling ally and…
…the elevator stops, trapping the boys. Where have I seen this plot before? Oh, yeah, an original series episode! And since Nicky’s not pushing out a baby for Ryan and Eric to deliver, I’m guessing they’re going to fill their time with something else.
The boys start pressing the elevator alarm and the world’s most incompetent security guard comes to the rescue! Wait, wasn’t Screech supposed to quit this job? These episodes are definitely chronological since Ryan and Liz weren’t yet dating last time they were at the mall, but it seems, as usual, expecting the writers to remember what they did earlier in the same season is too fucking hard.
So, the boys have to count on Screech to get them out of the malfunctioning elevator, which means they’re probably going to fucking die.
So the boys decide to kill time while Screech decides how to get them out by…fucking hell, I didn’t see this one coming. We’re jumping into a clip show episode, all to help Ryan and Liz work out their relationship issues. Yeah, it means I have less to write this week, but I still have to watch the fucking thing, which means I’m going to be bored out of my mind.
Ryan remembers how much relationships suck because Rachel broke up with him. No mention of Lindsay breaking up with him despite the fact that one was probably more traumatic because that happened in a season other than this one and that might mean acknowledging R.J. once existed.
Meanwhile, Tweedle Dumb Ass starts messing with shit in the elevator control because a security guard is obviously the most qualified person to make such adjustments. Naturally, Screech nearly sets the mall on fire and shit, making Liz not want to sit around and wait this stuff out any longer. She wants to go to the concert, saying she doesn’t give a shit if Ryan dies from Screech’s incompetence since she remembers how he tried to do a report without her. Well, someone’s a bit mood swingey when it comes to remember what her boyfriend is like. We go to commercial break with both Ryan and Liz ready to break up with each other.
After the commercial break, Mr. Belding shows up after his usual loitering around the mall…
…to find his administrative assistant literally ripping shit out of the mechanics of the elevator. My god, the boys really are going to die! Are we sure we’re not replacing half the cast next season? And, of course, Mr. Belding doesn’t mention the fact Screech isn’t supposed to be working here anymore because that plot point is no longer relevant. We do find out Screech didn’t call the elevator repair person because he didn’t know such a thing exists. No, the most incompetent person around is just supposed to try and repair that shit himself.
The girls continue their clips after Liz declares she’s right and Ryan’s wrong. Maria remembers the time she smoke a hella lot of pot and then Nicky broke up with her because she thought she was right until she came down off her high. It’s alright. No one ever bought the two of you as having any chemistry in the first place.
Mr. Belding takes charge since no one who works at the mall is competent to do anything right. He calls the elevator company and tells Screech to stop messing with shit before he gets the boys killed. Of course, Screech doesn’t listen, and somehow cuts electricity to the mall through the call panel. Number one, that’s stupid. Number two, he does know there’s more to an elevator than the call panel, right?
Lucky, Eric has a glow-in-the-dark bowling ball to light up their lives. Nicky and Eric remind Ryan how hard they worked to hook him up with Liz (even though they were incompetent as fuck) and Ryan remembers how he got together with Liz. Ryan decides maybe they should keep dating.
Back in the food court, Mr. Belding’s in on messing with shit now and nearly electrocutes himself but manages to get the electricity back on. Liz decides she’s not ready to break up with Ryan yet but both she and Ryan believe that the other needs to yield completely because that’s the way relationships work and shit.
In the elevator, Ryan remembers when the writers had a stupid running plot about Nicky and him both liking Liz.
Back in the food court, the repair person, who has the most exaggerated Brooklyn accent ever, finally shows up.
Screech decides it’s time for him to have a clip and remembers how he sang sorry very horribly when he and Claire fought last week. I’m actually surprised. I never thought they’d mention Claire again. I’m betting this is the last time because it was convenient to the clips.
Also, I’m a bit disturbed. If you look, the pink for that clip looks like it’s coming out of Screech’s crotch. Is he having an erection in front of the girls remembering that a girl liked him last week? I might have nightmares now…
Liz doesn’t want to apologize but Maria’s all, “Everyone’s got to apologize or you’ll end up dateless like me!” Liz remembers the night of their first kiss so she can feel as good as Screech.
Ryan and Liz each come to the independent conclusion they were both dumb asses just as the elevator guy gets the elevator working again.
And, since the clips ran long, we have about fifteen seconds for the two of them to make up and decide to go to the concert tonight and dinner tomorrow, because Liz doesn’t care how much time she’s supposed to be practicing for swimming anymore.
I don’t know which is worse: the clip show episodes like this that try to have a plot or those like “Best Summer of My Life” and “New Years Resolutions” that don’t try to pretend they’re anything other than a cheap excuse to pad out the season. They’re both boring, but this type I’m supposed to pretend like I give a shit about.