Saved by the Bell #1.7 (Roar Comics)

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I have two questions about the cover: where did they get a bucket they could swim in and when did Lisa get into parkour? It’s the only way I can think of for her to avoid the laws of gravity so much she’s avoiding falling off as she one hand balances! Also, Kevin, could you pull that hose a little tighter please? It’s not quite choking Screech yet!

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Our comic opens with Mr. Belding coming in to inform the gang that Bayside is going through one of its biweekly budget crises due to the constant trips students get to go on. As a result, the school doesn’t have the money to upgrade the computer lab from the old Apple IIes the school is still using.

Mr. Belding’s solution is to recruit the students to put on fundraisers, with a $1,000 gift certificate to the mall for the winner, because they can afford expensive gift certificates, just not new computers. How are they fundraising? However the hell they want, of course! I guess that means Screech is heading for the street corner in his drag!

Zack Morris initially isn’t excited by the work until he hears of the gift certificate and suddenly he’s all about helping Bayside make up its horrible spending habits.

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At The Max, we find out it’s going to be a boys verses girls story as the two argue who’s better at thinking up ways to raise money to support Mr. Belding’s meth habit and Zack Morris really wants an “X Station,” because I guess they were scared of being sued by Sony and Microsoft if they used the name of a real product, much like “Stansbury.”

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But, back at Bayside, Screech has an idea: they’ll program the AI Screech invented to do people’s chores and charge them for it. Since Kevin’s only programmed with free will when it’s convenient to the script, it’ll work out perfectly and nothing can possibly go wrong!

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Meanwhile the girls are washing cars, which they’re finding very hard to do, especially with Jessie lecturing people on their use of SUVs, because feminism and shit. They’re not doing so well and things get worse when Slater comes around to brag about how good the guys are doing, even using Kevin to wash cars. Kelly gets the idea that they need to wear bikinis so men can come and oogle their lady parts, and Jessie’s initially against it because feminism and shit again until she hears Slater bragging…

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…and she’s ready to be objectified. The girls are now killing the boys and getting so much business they have to reschedule some people for later. Slater mentions it’s supposed to rain tomorrow, and this gives Zack Morris an idea.

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Since all adults in the Saved by the Bell universe are idiots, Zack Morris somehow gets a hold of all the girls’ contacts and calls them to inform them they’re rescheduled for the next day. Now the girls have no business! Whatever shall they do!

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Well, word soon reaches the girls that the boys are cheating, so they put on their thinking hats as Zack listens in. Jessie declares she has a way to play dirty, too.

Zack Morris is now paranoid as my neighbor down the street who thinks JFK is still alive and reports to the others that the girls are up to something. This leads to him spending all his time watching for how they’ll get revenge instead of focusing on his own fundraising efforts.

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But we soon discover that Kevin isn’t waterproof, and water coming off a roof soon scrambles Kevin’s circuits, because that’s really what happens if you throw water on a computer. Kevin starts fucking up all the chores he’s been sent to do and people want their money back. Though the paranoid Zack Morris assumes the girls sabotaged Kevin somehow, he’s not worried, as he says they still have enough money to win, and the girls aren’t doing shit in the rain.

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Mr. Belding walks by, saying he’s on his way to the girls’ fundraising run at the track.

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Yeah, turns out the girls, in just a few hours, raised pledges for a mud run so guys could oogle their lady bits in the mud. Yeah, I don’t buy it, but this is the franchise where Screech invented artificial intelligence and once gained psychic powers from being struck by lightning but no one bats an eye so I’ll run with it.

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Mr. Belding announces that the girls won the contest by $20. Jessie wants to donate their prize to charity. Um, what charity are you going to donate a mall gift certificate to? UNICEF going to go on a shopping spree at Old Navy for third world orphans?

Zack Morris can’t believe he lost as cheaters always win! Just ask the players in the Deflategate scandal!

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And our comic ends with a still-malfunctioning Kevin trying to murder Screech. Yes, Kevin! Go! Go! Kill! Kill!

One response to “Saved by the Bell #1.7 (Roar Comics)

  1. Part of me is glad that Kevin is showcased so prominently in these comics. He was forgotten after the first season of the show and was put to pasture along with No./Johnny Five from the Short Circuit movies.

    It would of been nice if he was mentioned or shown once during TNC. Kind of like New Doctor Who did with K9.

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