We open one last time at the wilderness lodge, where Mr. Belding tells the gang their bus back to season six has arrived and it’s time to go home. Mr. Belding tells them to make sure they all have their stuff because, if anything’s left behind, they’re not coming back for it. With that, Mr. Belding and the students leave and board the bus for home.
But, oh, what glorious thing was left behind! Yes, they forgot Screech, presumably because they subconsciously hope a bear will rip him to shreds as he walks home! Screech, being a complete moron, doesn’t run out the door to try and catch them. Instead, he assumes everyone’s playing hide and seek and starts looking for them…for forty fucking minutes! No joke! It takes him forty minutes to realize they’re gone!
Yeah, just imagine that face staring in your window at night!
But, after they’re not in a small desk drawer, Screech finally realizes the awful truth: he is the weakest link on this show and the final two seasons would be better without him!
Jose, a maintenance man, comes in to clean the floors, and the episode turn into a clip show. Yeah, no joke, the first quarter of this episode is pretty much Screech bugging Jose, who’s just trying to do his fucking job and earn money to support his family, by telling him stories of how awesome he is with everyone at Bayside, which is fucking selective memory because even the clips he does remember he doesn’t remember the crazy ass behavior on his part that went along with them.
Yes, we’re ending yet another season with a clip show episode. I don’t know why this should surprise me at this point. After all, we haven’t had an actual original season finale since season two, and that one was basically a collection of sucky cameos. Oh, The New Class. You are predictably awful!
Jose, for his part, looks terrified, like he’s met a crazy person and is soon to have his insides ripped out. I’d like to think Jose is representative of all of us when we watch this stupid fucking show, terrified that, any moment, Screech will jump out of the television and murder us like he did Tori and Danielle and Alison and the Pink Power Ranger and now, presumably, Claire!
And, no joke, Jose is great, maybe the best character on The New Class this season! I could do an entire gallery of his terrified looks as Screech just keeps acting bat shit crazy around him!
The bus comes back to save Jose and reluctantly bring Screech home, saying they realized he was gone when he wasn’t annoying the shit out of all of them.
Jose tells Maria that’s one crazy mother fucker they’ve got acting as an adult chaperon, and Maria’s all, “I know, but we only have to put up with him a short time longer!” Jose rushes straight off the set so he can get the fuck away from Screech before he loses his life or some shit. Bye, Jose! You were awesome!
But we still have too much time left in the episode, so Screech is so pissed at Mr. Belding for leaving him that he’s refusing to get on the bus. Good! Fucking leave his ass stranded in the wilderness! No one wants him around anyway! But, no, our gang can’t do that, so they remind Screech through clips how many fucking times he’s screwed up. It’s too bad they limited the scope of their clips to this season. If you counted all four years Screech has been on this show, you could really paint a picture of a man that should have no contact with impressionable children!
But, after the clips, Mr. Belding’s suddenly having a moment of insight of just how much of an idiot he’s been for not firing Screech way back in season two the first time he did something stupid. But, instead of having a rational reaction and deciding to fire Screech once they get back, Mr. Belding now refuses to go back on the bus. I guess he assumes his long suffering wife will come pick him up in the middle of nowhere.
So, with our teenage protagonists acting more like adults than the fucking adults on this show, they remind Mr. Belding and Screech how much the two of them have helped one another and how good of friends they are. Ignore the fact that, every fucking time Screech did something for Mr. Belding, it only made him look stupid and idiotic. We’ve got to create the impression Screech isn’t a worthless piece of shit!
Also, judging by some of the clips they use, the gang are spying on Mr. Belding’s office as they know about shit that happened in the privacy of Mr. Belding’s office with only the two of them there.
All this is enough to make Mr. Belding and Screech forgive each other and decide to go back together after all. Everyone gathers their shit and Mr. Belding tells them not to forget anything this time.
And our episode and season ends with the realization the they forgot Eric this time. I have to admit, it would have been clever had they left Ryan behind instead, given we won’t be seeing him next season, but this is The New Class, which doesn’t have a clever bone in its body.
And that’s it for season five! As usual, I’ll have a recap this Wednesday. And tune in next week for the beginning of the end as we delve into season six of a show that should have ended five seasons ago!