Saved by the Bell #1.8 (Roar Comics)

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Our comic opens with the gang excited as hell about the upcoming holidays, so much so that Zack Morris appears to have become one of the Walking Dead. They’re all psyched about Lisa’s annual New Years Eve party as well, except for Jessie, who’s psyched to study for an Algebra final because her characterization is such that she wouldn’t know fun if it kicked her in the ass, or in the form of caffeine pills.

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They’re having so much fun talking about shit that Mr. Belding decides to walk straight up and personally remind them that deposits for the freshman ski trip are due tomorrow since I guess Lisa’s stupid party was so exciting it made them forget about a school trip.

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Zack Morris decides that he’s going to finally advance his story line in this comic to full on love interest on the ski trip while Slater declares, “Nu uh!” Also, out of context, someone who knew nothing about Saved by the Bell might think Zack Morris and Slate are fighting over Screech in this panel. I swear the thought of thi is going to give me nightmares.

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But it turns out that no one’s asking Kelly out on the ski trip since the writers remembered she’s poor and shit. Zack Morris and Slater each offer to pay for her, but she turns them both down, not because of the obvious mass amount of fucking that would be required in exchange, but because of supposed pride and shit.

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But that’s not stopping Zack Morris. The next day, he tries to sell Kelly Kapowski calendars that I guess he printed at home on his inkjet printer to raise money for Kelly since there’s nothing that says, “I love you,” like selling a bunch of pictures of a person without their permission. Also, at a dollar a calendar, Zack Morris better plan on selling a hell of a lot of calendars.

Alas, though, this is the one time it’s convenient for students to actually care about Jessie’s shit as she’s convinced everyone to donate all their money to make poor kids’ Christmas wishes come true or some shit. I don’t know. It all smells of contrivance to me. Jessie suggests that Zack Morris crowd source ideas for raising money. Now, to me, this would mean getting on Twitter or Facebook and asking people for ideas.

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Zack Morris interprets this to mean, “Go to The Max and have Screech develop a shitty web site where people can submit their ideas.” Screech has solved the problem of how to get people to actually go to the web site by stealing everything from Bayside’s lost and found to offer as prizes for the best ideas, and get ready for meta nostalgic reference in 5…4…3…2…1…

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Haha, it’s funny because Zack Morris is famous for having a brick cell phone in the series! Get it? Most clever reference ever!

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What’s worse, Screech tries to give Lisa a hat that once belonged to a girl who had lice, and I’m confused why such a hat is in lost and found if it has a tag in it with the owner’s name in it. In any case, she tells him to disappear, and I wish he’d taken her up on this at this point in the series as it would have saved me from six years of his idiocy on The New Class.

Jessie tells Zack Morris her cousin got shit donated from businesses, and I’m not sure why she didn’t just say this in the first place. He heads off to the mall to put his plan into motion.

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Zack Morris’s plan is to go to Mr. Moody’s store and convince him that he’s a filmmaker making a film about skiing zombies or some shit. As such, Mr. Moody should donate lots of clothes to Zack Morris that will be worn in the film and pay for the “transportation fees.” Mr. Moody doesn’t believe Zack Morris at first, but relents when he sees a picture of Kelly because it makes his pants excited. He agrees to the plan, and Zack Morris rushes back to Bayside before he runs out of time in one days since a lot of shit has happened today.

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Kelly doesn’t much like the idea of lying to Mr. Moody, but suggests Zack Morris could film a web commercial for Moody and that would make taking all this shit okay. Zack Morris goes to tell Mr. Moody while Kelly gets the same dead look in her eye that makes me think maybe they should just go ahead and shoot the skiing zombie movie after all.

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And I guess Mr. Moody agrees with this shitty plan because we immediately go to the ski slopes, where Screech is being a moron as usual and skiing down a slope beyond his ability. Soon he finds himself careening out of control, and I can only hope for the best: that I’ll soon be put out of my misery with him.

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Zack Morris films the web commercial as Slater rushes in to try and disrupt shit between Zack Morris and Kelly. He gets snow all over him as a result and goes back to the lodge to dry off and curse the evil Slater for his cock blocking ways while Kelly goes to ski a little.

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A random girl spots Kelly in a Moody’s sweater and just happens by some contrivance to be Mr. Moody’s daughter, who wants Kelly to be a model for their catalog. I’m really confused why Mr. Moody didn’t ask this of her but whatever.

Meanwhile, the rest of the gang decide not to tell Mr. Belding that Screech is missing because I guess they’re hoping he dies, too.

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At the ski lodge, Kelly thanks Zack Morris for making this all possible, but drops the bad news on him that she now has to work New Year’s Eve for the photo shoot because I guess lots of catalog photo shoots happen randomly on holidays. She says she has to leave immediately and asks Zack Morris to tell everyone good bye for her as Zack Morris looks frustrated that he cock blocked himself.

The next day, Mr. Belding finally figures out Screech is missing and, unfortunately, sends the ski patrol out to look for him. Lisa goes to pose for a photo with a giant snowball…

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…and our comic, and volume one, ends with Screech popping out of the snowball, scaring the shit out of Lisa at the awful sight appearing before her eyes. NO! I call bullshit! Screech overnight in a giant snowball would surely kill him! You must go back and retcon Screech as being dead from this! Let’s start a change.org petition to make it happen!

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