The New Class Season 7, Episode 3: “ME TV”

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Our episode opens with Eric pacing the floor at The Max and holding an envelope. What could he be so nervous about opening you ask? College acceptance papers? SAT scores? Something else? No, it’s from a record label who actually took the time to listen to his demo tape and is writing to say he sucks ass. In what’s becoming a running theme the last two seasons, a character starts saying insensitive shit that makes the character feel worse, in this case, Liz reminding him that Michael Jackson was a superstar by the time he was Eric’s age. I’m not sure if the writers think that a character being a jerk to another character is funny, but it just comes off as uncomfortable.

Maria comes in to give some exposition about a contest to make a video about Bayside. Turns out the winner wins $1,000, and everyone wants to participate except Eric and Liz because they’ve been partnered for a science paper and presentation that counts for half their semester. Cue a little violin here.

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Meanwhile, Screech plays chess with Jason Voorhees. No, seriously, that’s the guy who played Jason Voorhees in the 2009 remake of Friday the 13th. Please let him be here to kill Screech! I’ll give my very soul for Screech to die before this season is up. But, no, providing fuel once again for agnostics and atheists everywhere, they’re just in a really tense game, during which Screech knocks over a milkshake and refuses to clean it up because I guess Jason Voorhees cheats at chess. In the process, Mr. Belding comes in and slips on the spilled milkshake because, if there’s one constant on The New Class, it’s Screech finding new ways to injure Mr. Belding.

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In the hallway, Maria, Tony, Nicky, and Katie start making their video, which includes a boring interview with Miss Bickle about her suck ass cockroach carnival, don’t ‘cha know! After she’s done drowning on, Nicky thinks their video sucks so far, and Eric comes around to agree with them that they’re never winning that $1,000.  Eric tells them the video needs to actually be exciting and not put the audience to sleep, which makes a light bulb go off over Tony’s head. “TONY THINK VIDEO SHOULD HAVE MUSIC LIKE DA NA NA NA!” he says. The others try to convince Eric to do it since he knows the most about music, unlike Maria, who only knows how to play guitar, sing, and write songs. Eric doesn’t want to at first…

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…but his own delusions of becoming rich and famous and having Tyra Banks fuck him win over, and he decides he’ll work something out with Liz so he can use this video to convince all the music producers they were wrong about him and shit.

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In Mr. Belding’s office, Mr. Belding’s ankle is sprained from the fall, which means he has to be in a wheelchair for a week, which I find unrealistic because, if the sprain was so bad he needs to be in a wheelchair, he would be in it a lot longer than a week. Screech insists on helping Mr. Belding some more which, as usual, involves slamming Mr. Belding’s injured leg into shit because I’m not so sure Screech isn’t trying to kill Mr. Belding.

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At The Max, Eric gives Liz a sob story about how he really wants to make an awesome video about Bayside, and she’s so effected by his obvious treachery that she agrees to take on some more of the responsibility for the project.

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Which is a good thing, because their backup was to have Tony play the accordion, because bad acting characters playing unpopular instruments is hilarious with the kids apparently.

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Eric tells the others that he’s now available for the song, and they rejoice they never have to listen to Tony sing again. He plays a tape of him singing and they all agree to go along with it even though it obviously has nothing to do with Bayside and is a love song to a girl but who the hell cares about making sense at a time like this! He also convinces them to film at the pier instead of Bayside because…I don’t know. I think the other characters gave up trying to figure this episode out, too.

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During the commercial break, Liz was apparently able to do quite a bit of research for the project, even though it’s obviously the same day since they’re all still wearing the same clothes, which makes her whining later in the episode seem quite superficial since this is obviously the easiest project ever. She asks Eric what he’s accomplished for the project, and he tells her it’s been barely a minute and she should just back off and let him get on with his plot while she goes and films for The Bold and the Beautiful.

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In Mr. Belding’s office, Screech continues causing pain to Mr. Belding because he’s a fucking idiot. He also leaves Mr. Belding in the middle of the hallway during a fire drill because fuck Mr. Belding if the school is on fire. Seriously, I think Screech is trying to kill Mr. Belding. He’s only saved by a random extra in a wheelchair who agrees to show Mr. Beldings some moves.

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At the pier, which is obviously just a redress of the Eiffel Tower set, again, Eric’s brought in some dancers from Valley to dance behind him…

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…but he’s disturbed that Tony saw a squirrel or something and just started filming random shit instead of Eric, and he tells them they need to do the video over and tell the idiot camera operator to have a focal point. You know, I’m supposed to think Eric is a jerk here, but I get his point. Why would you just start filming random shit while someone’s singing?

Also, this may be the worst song Eric’s sang since the gangsta rap episode.  Ninety percent of the lyrics are him singing, “I turned around and you were gone!” I’m not even sure there are verses to this song. Just him singing the same thing over and over again. The songs that are played in the Engle-verse.

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Back at Bayside, Screech continues trying to injure Mr. Belding. Not content to merely cause him pain, though, Screech invents a remote controlled wheelchair for Mr. Belding…

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…which proceeds to set Mr. Belding on fire. I continue to maintain that Screech is trying to kill Mr. Belding.

In other news, Maria, Tony, Katie and Nicky watch the video that Eric edited for them and pretty much figure out Eric was just making a music video for himself. I guess there were still going to be interviews and shit. The worst part is this is a non-issue. Eric could have easily edited together a version for the four to enter the contest first and then edited a second version for his music video, but we need conflict and Eric has to look like a jerk so we have this version. And, yes, Eric was a jerk, but the other four were incompetent and never going to win the $1,000 because, despite Maria once hosting a school television show, none of them have any clue about what makes a compelling video.

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At The Max, Eric meets with a record producer who tells him his video sucks ass and he should be in touch with him again if he ever finds his talent. Dejected, Eric realizes this plot has had no purpose.

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But Liz is pissed at Eric now, too, because he hasn’t done shit for their presentation, and she’s reduced to a hand puppet instead of a scale model of a dinosaur. What the hell was this presentation about? I’m pretty sure they would have had in class time for this. She also finds out he lied to her and promises to help her with the project starting now but doesn’t know how to hit the reset button with the rest of the gang.

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Mr. Belding continues struggling with shit from a wheelchair, and we finally get our big takeaway: Mr. Belding learns shit around Bayside is still hard for people in wheelchairs, and Mr. Belding swears to the random extra who seems to serve no other purpose than to be a plot device that he’s going to make some changes to make Bayside more accessible. Because that’s our big takeaway from this episode: being disabled is hard. Never mind nothing was shown indicating that until eighteen minutes into the episode. Never mind the only thing Mr. Belding had trouble with, besides Screech trying to kill him, was getting a drink from a water fountain. Mr. Belding now understands how hard people with disabilities have it because he’s been in a wheelchair for a few days.

The New Class, you can fuck off.

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Let’s just resolve all this shit. Eric and Liz call the rest of the gang together.

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And Eric’s big plan to get the others to forget any of this episode ever happened is to show edited footage of him being a jerk to the others, although I’m not sure why this footage exists except to continue pointing out the incompetence of the gang for wasting film running the camera randomly in a pre-digital era. But it’s enough for the others to forgive Eric and tell him that all is back to normal. And the episode ends with me questioning how much worse this season is going to get before this god damned series is finally over.

5 responses to “The New Class Season 7, Episode 3: “ME TV”

  1. I play accordion in real life, and the picture of Tony with the accordion is just ridiculous (well, more than usual) because he’s supposedly playing, but his right hand is nowhere near the keyboard and his left hand is way too far up to be play the bass buttons. I guess it’s better than the school song episode from the original SBTB where Louise the token female nerd was shown supposedly playing the accordion, but she was holding it upside down.

  2. Dug my DVD’s of this out to watch the remaining episodes because I realized how little memory I have of the last season and it’s bad. It’s really, really bad. The episodes seem to get worse and you can almost tell that the actors have no energy left with the exception of Screech and Mr. Belding. I also forgot just how awful of an actor Tony was my gosh everything about him was just bad.

  3. I’d said before, when I watched these episodes first run I didn’t mind Tony. But I also have been watching these episodes with the reviews. Tony has become one of my least liked characters. In fact he’s one of my most hated.

    I wish Belding and Screech had more to do last and this season then wacky highjacks. Does Screech even have an episode where he or Belding is the A plot this year?

    BTW, The Americans with Disabilities Act became law in 1990. Bayside wasn’t wheelchair accessible by the late-90’s? That seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen.

    The girls were at least good eye candy this episode.

    Oh, by the way. Anyone remember Eric on those Gap Commercials?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThzN8Wzm98k

    • I work in human resources and the ADA only required compliance if you have a major remodel or new construction. As long as you did minor upkeep you were not mandated to do anything.

      Also if it constitutes an undue burden in terms of money or human capital, you can get a waiver from compliance as well, even today, this is why you see many business you think should be compliant but aren’t. Making a company spend money on helping the disabled is fine, but not if it puts the company out of business and throws everyone onto food stamps and unemployment.

  4. Somehow, I missed this review when it was posted.

    I recall “Family Matters” doing a plot involving a contest for amateur music video entries. Eddie and his band fought over ideas for the music video but then decided to just wing it. However, Eddie bribed Steve to keep the camera focused on him and edit it in such a way that it was just Eddie singing about himself. The rest of the band quit in disgust. However, Eddie learned his lesson, and the family decided to make their own music video. They won the contest.

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