We open to discover that, once again, a random adult has wandered into Bayside and is just walking around the halls like they belong there. Were schools really this unsafe in the 1990s? I don’t remember my high school being so irresponsible, but who knows. He walks up to some random teenagers in the hallway who look like they may be getting paid for this episode to ask them where Mr. Belding is rather than going to the office and having him paged like a normal person.
Turns out this is Brian Campbell, an old frat brother of Mr. Belding’s, and he starts just telling stories about Mr. Belding to these kids he just met because that’s not creepy and shit. He says that was a long time ago, though, and he’s sure Mr. Belding doesn’t have an incompetent administrative assistant who makes him do stupid shit.
Unfortunately, Brian would be wrong on that account as Screech has decided that, for graduation, they need to dress like horrible Middle Eastern stereotypes as a tribute to all the casual racism of this show. Mr. Belding gives some exposition about how Brian is now the president of the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, and he says he’s here looking for prospects for new faculty and thought he’d stop in so he can be in this eternally memorable show before it goes off the air.
Mr. Belding and Brian go in his office to look through an old photo album and Mr. Belding invites Screech and the gang along to look at the album because, after twelve years in this franchise, Mr. Belding still has no boundaries when it comes to friendships with students, and I’m sure they don’t have class or anything to keep them away.
And then comes the real horror of this episode: it’s a clip show episode, the final of the franchise, and the gang randomly start telling Brian about the incompetent things Mr. Belding and Screech have done over the last four seasons. Unfortunately, they even show clips of the season five wilderness survival episodes because I wanted to see shit from those episodes again.
And, after Brian has had a chance to listen to the stupid things that go on at Bayside, he’s all, “Now I want to offer you a job as dean at my university because I enjoy people who don’t fire completely stupid and idiotic staff members and break lots of boundaries!” Yeah, lots of people without PhDs get scouted out for upper level university administration jobs by former college classmates. Is this a diploma mill Mr. Belding is being offered? And we fade to commercial break with the gang wondering what the fuck just happened.
We rejoin Mr. Belding in the hallway as Screech begs Mr. Belding not to leave him before they have a chance to consummate their love. Mr. Belding tells Screech to fuck off so he can think about whether he wants out of this torturous hell. Screech and the gang decide to be little assholes and convince Mr. Belding to stay at Bayside because they must maintain the status quo for eternity.
At The Max, Screech and the gang show Mr. Belding some clips about how he’s supposedly helped them, including Tony being all, “TONY STOP SMOKING CIGARS BECAUSE OF MR. PRINCIPAL PERSON!” Mr. Belding decides that’s a rock solid case that he’s needed in this franchise since Screech will obviously fuck things up even worse if left unsupervised, and says he’ll go tell Brian he’s turning down the job, looking dejected that he’s not getting away from Screech.
Screech gives his constipated face as he and the gang realize they’ve been little assholes to convince Mr. Belding to stay, even though this is exactly what they did to a much less competent Screech a few seasons ago. But this time it’s wrong because Mr. Belding is going to die from a stroke due to stress before Little Zack enters puberty.
Screech and the gang go to Mr. Belding’s office and convince him, though the power of yet more clips, how much he’s taught them to see both sides of the issue because that somehow means he should re-evaluate his decision to stay.
What I find more distracting is that they actually show a clip from season two’s “The Return of Screech,” and I can’t believe I’d forgotten how much less annoying season two Screech was before he swallowed a dying squirrel later in the series. What’s more, they even show the horrible season two cast talking in the clip as if they actually existed, including my arch-nemesis, fake-Swiss Brian. I guess none of those people will be graduating next week since they were smart and abandoned this stupid show. Well, Screech does name Tommy D, Lindsay, Rachel, and Ryan by name as people Mr. Belding has influenced since they’re in the three season club, but fuck any of those other losers who have been on this show over the years. I guess that’s the writers of this show trying to figure out how to give closure for a show that’s lasted seven seasons but only seen one consistent cast member.
Well, Mr. Belding says the power of clips has convinced him to rethink whether he wants to take the job because incompetent writers thought this would be some sort of cliffhanger going into graduation. And our episode ends with Mr. Belding putting the dreaded “To Be Continued” up on the screen as he promises to reveal his decision next week. Need I remind my audience that, the last time a cliffhanger on this show involved a clip show episode, they burned The Max down and brought Slater back for a very stupid cameo?