I’ve really been putting off this episode. After watching these idiots graduate last week, it really feels like a step backwards to go back and do this out of order episode. I want this show to be over already! Can’t I just give my summary of what I know this episode will be like: the gang are idiots, Tony has some bad acting, Screech acts like a moron, and everyone learns a valuable lesson in the end?
I guess you’re going to make me review it, huh. Well, here’s to the final episode of this god damned awful series…
We open at The Max, where Eric comes in to give some exposition dump about the gang going on a ski trip to Tahoe. I’m impressed they picked a real place this time, though I wonder, if Screech’s grandfather owns a resort that one member of this gang helped save, why they don’t just go there. I guess that would make too much sense and prevent this episode from getting off the ground before it started. In any case, they’re psyched that Maria is going to take them all in her Jeep, which they claim has room enough for six.
One, I’m pretty sure that’s against regulations to allow students to drive to a school trip since the school would be liable should they get in an accident. More importantly, do these fucks not realize how big a Jeep is? Seriously, Nicky and Katie think they’re going to have enough room to fuck in the backseat. Possibly if they lay across Eric’s lap I guess.
And, since it’s the final episode, I just had to show this screen shot of Nicky and Katie making out, not because I give a damn about Nicky and Katie, but because the extra behind them looks in awe to be seeing people mildly make out, possibly because a girl has never touched his winkey dink!
Maria and Tony come in and Tony gives, in his usual graceful acting, our plot point this week. “CAR OF MARIA NO GO ZOOM ZOOM! CAR OF MARIA NEED NEW ALTERNATOR! MARIA GO GET ALTERNATOR FOR COUPLE HUNDRED DOLLARS AND CAR GO ZOOM ZOOM AGAIN!” Maria’s bummed because this means she won’t have any spending money for Tahoe, but she decides to get the car towed to a mechanic at lunch. If it’s not lunch, when the hell is this taking place? Is this official confirmation that Bayside students can just leave and go to The Max whenever the hell they feel like it?
Tony offers to go to the mechanic with Maria since girls don’t understand cars and shit, but Maria tells him to rest up his acting chops as he might be needed again later in the episode.
Screech comes in, showing off his usual incompetence in life by trying to snow board in the middle of The Max. Turns out he’s the chaperon for the ski trip because apparently all of Bayside’s students have a death wish. The gang flee at Screech’s advance, and Mr. Belding comes in so we can get the introduction to their final zany plot: Screech has drafted a proposal to the school board demanding a raise because he’s shown himself so capable of doing his job over the past six seasons. Mr. Belding tells Screech that even the writers of this show, with their limited understanding of how schools work, know that, in a school with constant budget problems and being the middle of the school year when this episode is supposed to take place, know that a raise is unlikely for an employee more likely to be a liability to the school than an asset. Screech has his head up his ass, though, and decides he’s going to make it happen because plot!
At the mechanic’s shop, the repairmen tell Maria that she also needs a starter, meaning the bill is going to be another hundred dollars. Katie says Maria should take the car for a second opinion, but Maria insists that would get in the way of the plot this week. Not only that, but she signs a blank work order because women don’t know shit about cars apparently just turned into women don’t know shit about how to do business. The result will be predictable, but let’s play along and pretend California Dreams hasn’t already done this plot.
In Mr. Belding’s office, Screech shows off a bunch of expensive shit that he’s splurged on because he’s so convinced the school board will give him a raise. Apparently the school board convened a meeting just to consider Screech’s proposal because Mr. Belding is already able to tell Screech they turned down his request for a raise because he’s an idiot and it’s the middle of the school year. Not to be deterred, Screech says he’s sure he’ll find some way to turn this into a full-blown subplot.
And, just because it’s the final episode, here’s one more horrifying Screech face that would make me never want to send my child to Bayside while this psychopath is working there!
Back at The Max, Maria delivers the shocking news that the repair guys were crooked and have charged her a thousand dollars for repairs they deemed necessary and are holding the car until she pays. Tony’s all, TONY KNOW TONY SHOULD GO WITH MARIA BECAUSE VAGINA PEOPLE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ZOOM ZOOM MACHINES!”
Back at Bayside, the gang continue talking about crooked auto mechanics as Tony decides he just needs to go down with Maria and use the power of bad acting to set the auto mechanics straight.
Meanwhile, Screech is, for some reason, no longer the chaperon of the school trip, and Eric and Liz bemoan the fact that it will be hard to find someone as incompetent as him who will turn a blind eye to whatever whims they decide to have. Suddenly, Miss Biddy comes around the corner, apparently lost and disoriented after having escaped the dementia ward at the nursing home. Eric and Liz decide that this Miss Simpson rip off would be perfect to lead them on the school trip, and chase after her, apparently not concerned that she can’t even tell Eric’s a boy.
And we get our reason Screech isn’t chaperoning the trip any longer: he’s decided to go on strike, because one lone employee on strike is sure going to put fear into the hearts of the school board. Not to be one to give up a chance to abuse his authority and engage in flagrant professional boundary violations, Screech starts recruiting random extras to support his campaign of idiocy, including one named Chuckles, which makes me think this guy’s going to grow up be in bad horror films.
At the mechanic shop, Tony’s all, “GIVE BACK SEXY FRIEND OF TONY’S KEYS!” and the mechanic is all, “No!” The gang try to strike fear in the heart of the mechanics, who are all, “Prove we did anything wrong. You can’t because Maria is an idiot.” The gang go away, defeated by the idiocy of this entire situation.
Back at Bayside, Miss Biddy is excited to be getting a trip away from the home, so excited that she thinks Eric and Liz are Nicky and Katie because they all look so alike. She’s also drafted a list of rules for the trip, and randomly starts talking about when she was in the military. This suddenly strikes fear in the hearts of Eric and Liz, even though, as far gone as Miss Biddy is, there’s no way she’ll be able to enforce said rules. But Eric and Liz want something to do in this final episode so let’s pretend there’s a real conflict.
The rest of the gang continue recapping the events of the last scene, and decide to try to go to a consumer group to investigate the crooked business.
Screech, along with his student minions, protest in front of Mr. Belding’s door and scare away random students who just need to meet with Mr. Belding. Rather than firing Screech on the spot for gross insubordination and threatening to suspend the students for going along with Screech’s idiot plan, Mr. Belding is just like, “Let’s let Screech act like an idiot and get it out of his system one last time.”
And, to compound the idiocy, Screech holds a press conference, and it must be the slowest news day ever in L.A. if they have time to come listen to Screech’s idiot ramblings. One of the reporters asks Screech how he proposes to fund a raise from a school constantly in crisis, and Screech starts proposing to cut all the activities his supporters care about, leading them to question why they’re supporting the world’s most idiotic administrator and leave.
In the hallway, Maria discovers that no consumer groups want to help her because she has no proof the mechanics ripped her off except a corroborating eyewitness and the unethical nature of presenting a blank work order to a customer. But that’s not enough proof for the Saved by the Bell universe because otherwise the episode would be over in five minutes. Tony is all, “MARIA STUPID GIRL FOR AUTO MECHANIC SCENARIO!” and Maria walks off pissed.
Eric and Liz try to play Mr. Belding to send Miss Biddy back to the nursing home rather than on their ski trip, but he’s all, “I’ve gone on every other school trip the last seven seasons! I’ll just go along and make sure Miss Biddy is okay!”
And Tony is all, “TONY SORRY FOR OUTBURST TO MARIA IN LAST SEASON. TONY CAN BE SUCH SELFISH PRICK SOMETIMES!” They wonder what to do until Screech walks by mumbling about the stupid reporters wanting actual news.
Screech chains himself to Mr. Belding’s desk, continuing to demand a raise. Rather than firing Screech and having him forcibly removed from Bayside, Mr. Belding locks himself in as well and starts talking about the way budgets work. Screech finally realizes he’s a dumb ass who should have figured out how school pay works like five seasons ago, and unlocks himself from the desk to wait until next year for a raise. But he doesn’t have a key to Mr. Belding’s lock so, one more time, Screech has fucked over Mr. Belding for being way too permissive in his supervisory style.
Since the mechanics haven’t met her and Screech has been busy being an idiot, Liz pretends to be a southern belle who knows nothing about car repairs, and the mechanics decide that, since she’s an idiot, they’ll take advantage of her as well.
Maria and Tony rush in with a camera crew to bust the crooked mechanics, and they’re suddenly scared of being exposed, even though the news crew wasn’t inside the shop to film the bust. I guess they have the first ever news camera that can film through walls. The mechanics give Maria back her keys free of charge, but Maria says she’s still going to expose them with her magic tape.
At The Max, everyone watches the news story that couldn’t possibly have been filmed, and Maria pontificates about the lesson of the episode being that, if you make a mistake and a shady adult takes advantage of you, you have to expose them. Also, the police are apparently shutting down the mechanics pending investigation, which I’m pretty sure is not how how fraud cases work, but this show hasn’t made sense the previous 142 episodes; why would I expect it to now?
Eric says that, now that Screech is over his latest bout of stupidity, they don’t need Miss Biddy anymore, and Mr. Belding says he’ll just send her back to the nursing home with promises of extra Jello for dessert. And our episode, the season, and the series ends with Mr. Belding getting mad at Tony for kissing Maria at a place where he has no authority and assuring the gang he’s still coming along to teach them how to use a trash can lid as a sled, and god knows why we didn’t get a third ski trip arc in a series that seems so excited to recycle plots constantly, but let’s just be thankful the horrible experience that is Saved by the Bell: The New Class is finally over!
Holy fuck! I did it! I actually did it! I reviewed every last episode of this horrible abomination of a series and I’m really done this time! I swear, if someone digs up a lost episode of this show for me to review, it may really drive me crazy! All that’s left now is to wrap it up. I’ll have my usual season recap Wednesday, along with bonus reviews on Tuesday and Thursday. And, next Monday, I’ll give my final thoughts on this horrible series as a whole and finally put this series out of my mind for good!