Category Archives: All Comics

Saved by the Bell #1.8 (Roar Comics)

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Our comic opens with the gang excited as hell about the upcoming holidays, so much so that Zack Morris appears to have become one of the Walking Dead. They’re all psyched about Lisa’s annual New Years Eve party as well, except for Jessie, who’s psyched to study for an Algebra final because her characterization is such that she wouldn’t know fun if it kicked her in the ass, or in the form of caffeine pills.

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They’re having so much fun talking about shit that Mr. Belding decides to walk straight up and personally remind them that deposits for the freshman ski trip are due tomorrow since I guess Lisa’s stupid party was so exciting it made them forget about a school trip.

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Zack Morris decides that he’s going to finally advance his story line in this comic to full on love interest on the ski trip while Slater declares, “Nu uh!” Also, out of context, someone who knew nothing about Saved by the Bell might think Zack Morris and Slate are fighting over Screech in this panel. I swear the thought of thi is going to give me nightmares.

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But it turns out that no one’s asking Kelly out on the ski trip since the writers remembered she’s poor and shit. Zack Morris and Slater each offer to pay for her, but she turns them both down, not because of the obvious mass amount of fucking that would be required in exchange, but because of supposed pride and shit.

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But that’s not stopping Zack Morris. The next day, he tries to sell Kelly Kapowski calendars that I guess he printed at home on his inkjet printer to raise money for Kelly since there’s nothing that says, “I love you,” like selling a bunch of pictures of a person without their permission. Also, at a dollar a calendar, Zack Morris better plan on selling a hell of a lot of calendars.

Alas, though, this is the one time it’s convenient for students to actually care about Jessie’s shit as she’s convinced everyone to donate all their money to make poor kids’ Christmas wishes come true or some shit. I don’t know. It all smells of contrivance to me. Jessie suggests that Zack Morris crowd source ideas for raising money. Now, to me, this would mean getting on Twitter or Facebook and asking people for ideas.

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Zack Morris interprets this to mean, “Go to The Max and have Screech develop a shitty web site where people can submit their ideas.” Screech has solved the problem of how to get people to actually go to the web site by stealing everything from Bayside’s lost and found to offer as prizes for the best ideas, and get ready for meta nostalgic reference in 5…4…3…2…1…

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Haha, it’s funny because Zack Morris is famous for having a brick cell phone in the series! Get it? Most clever reference ever!

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What’s worse, Screech tries to give Lisa a hat that once belonged to a girl who had lice, and I’m confused why such a hat is in lost and found if it has a tag in it with the owner’s name in it. In any case, she tells him to disappear, and I wish he’d taken her up on this at this point in the series as it would have saved me from six years of his idiocy on The New Class.

Jessie tells Zack Morris her cousin got shit donated from businesses, and I’m not sure why she didn’t just say this in the first place. He heads off to the mall to put his plan into motion.

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Zack Morris’s plan is to go to Mr. Moody’s store and convince him that he’s a filmmaker making a film about skiing zombies or some shit. As such, Mr. Moody should donate lots of clothes to Zack Morris that will be worn in the film and pay for the “transportation fees.” Mr. Moody doesn’t believe Zack Morris at first, but relents when he sees a picture of Kelly because it makes his pants excited. He agrees to the plan, and Zack Morris rushes back to Bayside before he runs out of time in one days since a lot of shit has happened today.

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Kelly doesn’t much like the idea of lying to Mr. Moody, but suggests Zack Morris could film a web commercial for Moody and that would make taking all this shit okay. Zack Morris goes to tell Mr. Moody while Kelly gets the same dead look in her eye that makes me think maybe they should just go ahead and shoot the skiing zombie movie after all.

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And I guess Mr. Moody agrees with this shitty plan because we immediately go to the ski slopes, where Screech is being a moron as usual and skiing down a slope beyond his ability. Soon he finds himself careening out of control, and I can only hope for the best: that I’ll soon be put out of my misery with him.

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Zack Morris films the web commercial as Slater rushes in to try and disrupt shit between Zack Morris and Kelly. He gets snow all over him as a result and goes back to the lodge to dry off and curse the evil Slater for his cock blocking ways while Kelly goes to ski a little.

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A random girl spots Kelly in a Moody’s sweater and just happens by some contrivance to be Mr. Moody’s daughter, who wants Kelly to be a model for their catalog. I’m really confused why Mr. Moody didn’t ask this of her but whatever.

Meanwhile, the rest of the gang decide not to tell Mr. Belding that Screech is missing because I guess they’re hoping he dies, too.

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At the ski lodge, Kelly thanks Zack Morris for making this all possible, but drops the bad news on him that she now has to work New Year’s Eve for the photo shoot because I guess lots of catalog photo shoots happen randomly on holidays. She says she has to leave immediately and asks Zack Morris to tell everyone good bye for her as Zack Morris looks frustrated that he cock blocked himself.

The next day, Mr. Belding finally figures out Screech is missing and, unfortunately, sends the ski patrol out to look for him. Lisa goes to pose for a photo with a giant snowball…

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…and our comic, and volume one, ends with Screech popping out of the snowball, scaring the shit out of Lisa at the awful sight appearing before her eyes. NO! I call bullshit! Screech overnight in a giant snowball would surely kill him! You must go back and retcon Screech as being dead from this! Let’s start a change.org petition to make it happen!

Saved by the Bell #1.7 (Roar Comics)

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I have two questions about the cover: where did they get a bucket they could swim in and when did Lisa get into parkour? It’s the only way I can think of for her to avoid the laws of gravity so much she’s avoiding falling off as she one hand balances! Also, Kevin, could you pull that hose a little tighter please? It’s not quite choking Screech yet!

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Our comic opens with Mr. Belding coming in to inform the gang that Bayside is going through one of its biweekly budget crises due to the constant trips students get to go on. As a result, the school doesn’t have the money to upgrade the computer lab from the old Apple IIes the school is still using.

Mr. Belding’s solution is to recruit the students to put on fundraisers, with a $1,000 gift certificate to the mall for the winner, because they can afford expensive gift certificates, just not new computers. How are they fundraising? However the hell they want, of course! I guess that means Screech is heading for the street corner in his drag!

Zack Morris initially isn’t excited by the work until he hears of the gift certificate and suddenly he’s all about helping Bayside make up its horrible spending habits.

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At The Max, we find out it’s going to be a boys verses girls story as the two argue who’s better at thinking up ways to raise money to support Mr. Belding’s meth habit and Zack Morris really wants an “X Station,” because I guess they were scared of being sued by Sony and Microsoft if they used the name of a real product, much like “Stansbury.”

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But, back at Bayside, Screech has an idea: they’ll program the AI Screech invented to do people’s chores and charge them for it. Since Kevin’s only programmed with free will when it’s convenient to the script, it’ll work out perfectly and nothing can possibly go wrong!

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Meanwhile the girls are washing cars, which they’re finding very hard to do, especially with Jessie lecturing people on their use of SUVs, because feminism and shit. They’re not doing so well and things get worse when Slater comes around to brag about how good the guys are doing, even using Kevin to wash cars. Kelly gets the idea that they need to wear bikinis so men can come and oogle their lady parts, and Jessie’s initially against it because feminism and shit again until she hears Slater bragging…

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…and she’s ready to be objectified. The girls are now killing the boys and getting so much business they have to reschedule some people for later. Slater mentions it’s supposed to rain tomorrow, and this gives Zack Morris an idea.

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Since all adults in the Saved by the Bell universe are idiots, Zack Morris somehow gets a hold of all the girls’ contacts and calls them to inform them they’re rescheduled for the next day. Now the girls have no business! Whatever shall they do!

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Well, word soon reaches the girls that the boys are cheating, so they put on their thinking hats as Zack listens in. Jessie declares she has a way to play dirty, too.

Zack Morris is now paranoid as my neighbor down the street who thinks JFK is still alive and reports to the others that the girls are up to something. This leads to him spending all his time watching for how they’ll get revenge instead of focusing on his own fundraising efforts.

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But we soon discover that Kevin isn’t waterproof, and water coming off a roof soon scrambles Kevin’s circuits, because that’s really what happens if you throw water on a computer. Kevin starts fucking up all the chores he’s been sent to do and people want their money back. Though the paranoid Zack Morris assumes the girls sabotaged Kevin somehow, he’s not worried, as he says they still have enough money to win, and the girls aren’t doing shit in the rain.

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Mr. Belding walks by, saying he’s on his way to the girls’ fundraising run at the track.

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Yeah, turns out the girls, in just a few hours, raised pledges for a mud run so guys could oogle their lady bits in the mud. Yeah, I don’t buy it, but this is the franchise where Screech invented artificial intelligence and once gained psychic powers from being struck by lightning but no one bats an eye so I’ll run with it.

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Mr. Belding announces that the girls won the contest by $20. Jessie wants to donate their prize to charity. Um, what charity are you going to donate a mall gift certificate to? UNICEF going to go on a shopping spree at Old Navy for third world orphans?

Zack Morris can’t believe he lost as cheaters always win! Just ask the players in the Deflategate scandal!

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And our comic ends with a still-malfunctioning Kevin trying to murder Screech. Yes, Kevin! Go! Go! Kill! Kill!

Saved by the Bell #1.6 (Roar Comics)

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Ah, time for another of Roar Comics’ modern day adaptations, and it looks to be talking about Kelly’s singing career. I wonder if this will be the Kelly who sucks ass at singing or the one who sings for Zack Attack?

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We open in the hallway to discover that Bayside is a lot busier than we were ever lead to believe on the show. Hell, there are students everywhere, and apparently a football game going on as well. Naturally, there are no adults in sight to keep order so shit’s out of control. Some things never change, no matter what version of this franchise you’re watching.

In any case, Kelly tells the gang there’s going to be auditions for America’s Next Pop Diva, because using American Idol‘s name in this could have gotten Roar Comics sued. Lisa loves looking at the hot guys on it while Jessie’s all, “Feminism! Other things straw feminists say! Reality shows teach kids all you need to do in life to get ahead is have luck!”

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Kelly wants to audition so Slater convinces her to sing something. She sings a line from The Star Spangled Banner, and here’s the problem with using this plot for the comic: we can’t hear Kelly sing so we have to take the characters’ words for it whether she was good or not. Screech mumbles she sucks ass but Zack Morris thinks Kelly was super awesome. You really need to know about the characters from the show here to get this. After all, who are you going to believe: the complete moron or the lecherous asshole who wants to fuck Kelly?

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At the auditions, Screech brings along Kevin to cheer Kelly on by explaining her music doesn’t suck ass. Once again, do we believe the complete idiot?

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Some producers for the show spot Screech and Kevin and instantly think they have ratings gold, even though this is a song about singing. Rather than being amazed that a complete moron built artificial intelligence and they haven’t heard about it on the news, they want to know whether Kevin can sing. Screech says he programmed Kevin with lots of songs, and I sure hope they’re all sung in that monotone from the show.

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Screech demonstrates how Kevin can both sing and dance, and I have to admit: this is my favorite panel in the comic: getting to see Kevin whack the shit out of Screech, simply because I enjoy seeing Screech in as much pain as possible.

Kelly’s pissed as the producers take Screech and Kevin through to the front of the line while ignoring her because they must have watched reruns on MTV to see how much she sucks ass at singing.

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In the audition, Screech demonstrates how Kevin can do any dance style stereotypically, including this version of what Screech believes is hip hop. So, if Kevin is wearing pants here, does that mean most of the time he’s flashing us? Oh, the questions of artificial intelligence!

The producers send Screech home for the day, telling him to come back tomorrow for a follow-up audition. But the producer conspires with the cameraman to get a clip up on the web by the end of the day, saying they’re going to make it go viral. Number one, that would be the job of your editor, not the cameraman. Number two, do you even know how the internet works?

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Apparently not because, back at Bayside, Mr. Belding’s seen the clip of Screech because he frequents YouTube rather than controlling misbehavior in the hallways and loves how awesome that is because Mr. Belding is easily impressed. Kevin and he are offered a record deal, which makes me wonder why he still needs to go on this show then, and Zack Morris wants to be his manager because it’s Zack Morris and shit. What else is he going to do. Also, I’m a bit creeped out that Screech is naming random stars after Lisa. I’m telling you: stalker behavior!

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Back at the auditions, Kelly is turned away because plot and the producer reveals that they don’t really give a shit whether someone can actually sing or not. No, what they care about is singing, so they’ve got stupid acts lined up like a guy raised by monkeys, conjoined twins, and a girl who lives on a school bus. Hey, they all sound like better musical acts than Silento!

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Zack Morris gets Screech and Kevin to print out a fake bio for Kelly to impress the producer, implying she’s raising a baby in prison and shit, which he believes because of the rule that adults are idiots in this universe unless it’s convenient to the plot.

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He brings her in for an audition and everyone wants to hear all about life in prison because prisons frequently let prisoners out to audition for shitty reality shows. He even brings her baby brother in to act as her baby and she gets pissed as she realizes he did something that should be completely predictable coming from Zack Morris.

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The judges tell Kelly she sucks ass as a singer, and she gets pissed off and tells them to fuck off because she’s going to be on 90210 and shit.

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At The Max, Jessie and Lisa confirm that Kelly sucks ass as a singer in this universe and suggest Kelly should get revenge against Zack Morris. She’s hesitant at first until he comes in cocky and arrogant, selling free tickets to see Screech and Kevin.

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Her brilliant plan is to give lots of people Zack Morris’s card as an agent so they’ll go see him to try and hire him, which seems stupid for the purposes of revenge since that’s actually helping him make more money. It works, though, and he closes his manager business because that was apparently a subplot.

The next day, Screech fires Zack Morris as manager, saying Kevin went on to the next round without him.

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And our comic ends with Kevin channeling Hal from 2001: A Space Odyssey as he plans to murder anyone who gets in his way of winning the competition. SCREECH, GET IN KEVIN’S WAY! QUICK! That way Roar Comics will never have to do a The New Class comic!

This one didn’t quite measure up to the last issue. The plot is all over the place. Nothing seems to have been resolved and nobody learned a lesson. Let’s hope this a fluke and not a sign of things to come.

Saved by the Bell #1.5 (Roar Comics)

I feel bad I haven’t been keeping these reviews up as I’ve actually kind of enjoyed reading a modern take on Saved by the Bell. So, with no more cannon original cast, I’m going to be working on catching up with the comics, which are now in a second volume. I know not many of you read these judging by the comics, but I think they’re worth it.

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Our cover shows Slater doing what he does best: laughing at women. I assume this is going to be some type of “Jessie’s pissed at Slater” story. Also, remember that he’s still trying to get Kelly to date him at this point in the comic so being chauvinist in front of her might not be the smartest thing to do.

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Our story, “Cheers and Jeers,” opens in the hallway at Bayside where Jessie and Lisa discover Kelly holding a get well soon card. Seems the cheerleading squad is having a rash of random injuries due to them being the worst coordinated squad in the world. Seems they have no recourse as they’re only considered a club, not a sport, and so they have to keep on until they just die and shit.

I have to give it to the writer for picking a topic that’s actually quite current and controversial. There’s a huge debate right now over whether cheerleading is a sport or not, with the American Medical Association coming out in favor and, well, most people in sports coming out against because EWW COOTIES! No, it’s not really that simple, but it is controversial and heated. The writer is doing a better job than the Saved by the Bell series at staying current and relevant. Maybe she should write a revival of the series…

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In any case, Kelly’s starting a petition to get Mr. Belding to change cheerleading to a sport because he won’t listen unless they have the mighty power of three hundred signatures, and she wants Jessie to sign it. Jessie is unsure whether to get involved because she’s a straw feminist in every interpretation of her.

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At The Max, Jessie puts off signing the petition even more because cheerleading is stupid and chauvinist and shit, seemingly having her point proven by Zack Morris signing the petition because cheerleaders are hot and shit. She thinks real female athletes should get the attention and has no interest in joining cheerleading with Kelly.

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But then Slater opens his mouth and declares that girls can’t be athletes and shit, which immediately gets Jessie on Kelly’s side because she’ll do anything to feed an obvious troll trying to stir shit up rather than just punching him in the face and running away.  Kelly bets Slater he couldn’t be a cheerleader because apparently Bayside is the most gender-normative school in the world and has never had a male cheerleader. He agrees to be on the cheer squad to prove that anyone can do cheerleading and shit which is a completely valid argument, right?

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At practice, a cocky Slater doesn’t think he has to warm up or anything, but he soon realizes he’s completely out of his league. He eventually ends up taking a hard fall on his knees and limps away, tail between his legs. Also, Jessie’s writing an article on Slater’s debacle for the school newspaper.

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In the hallway, Slater’s hurt one of his knees pretty bad, to the point he’s limping from the swelling. He convinces Zack Morris and Screech not to say anything as he doesn’t want to get kicked off the wrestling team. Um, why would that get you kicked off?

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At wrestling practice, the coach won’t let Slater wrestle due to his injury and says he’ll have to miss the big match against Valley. The coach sends Slater to the trainer, who won’t treat Slater because the injury occurred during cheerleading. I guess this guy never took the Hippocratic Oath. This sends Jessie, who’s hanging out in the trainer’s office for some reason, into full pseudo-feminist mode as she continues writing the article.

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In the hallway, Slater confesses to Kelly that he couldn’t handle being a cheerleader. Well, obviously. You’re never good at anything in one day! Slater’s not so bright in this incarnation, is he?

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He decides to sign the petition because he now believes cheerleaders deserve respect and shit and Kelly’s excited that she has all three hundred signatures. But Zack Morris and Screech, being the spoiled sports they are, point out that some of the names are fake, upsetting Kelly as there’s no way she’ll get enough signatures in time to deliver the petition to Mr. Belding. Why is there a deadline on this? You may not get recognition as soon as you’d hope, but isn’t it worth it to continue trying?

Jessie decides the only way to get enough support in time is for her to run her article, but Slater doesn’t want her to because the coach will kick him off wrestling squad…for reasons? I don’t get this part. Either he’s blatantly sexist or he just has stupid arbitrary rules. In any case, it doesn’t paint the faculty in a very good light for having the equivalent of kindergarten style rule.

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The next day in Mr. Belding’s office, the gang discover Jessie found a compromise: she emailed the article to all the parents so Slater’s coach wouldn’t see it. Good thing the spam filters in this universe apparently suck. Mr. Belding’s been overwhelmed with parents’ phone calls demanding he stop being an idiot and make cheerleading a sport, so that’s that.

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And our comic ends with Jessie continuing to refuse to be a cheerleader, because no matter what interpretation of the Saved by the Bell universe you’re working from, Jessie’s got to be a stubborn idiot who rarely changes unless it’s convenient to the plot.

Saved by the Bell #1.4 (Roar Comics)

I know some of you were probably hoping for the Lifetime biopic, but that thing is turning out to be a bear to review. I’m going to do it but it won’t be this week. Instead, may I present another of Roar’s Saved by the Bell comics!

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Our cover this month features Screech dressed as Tinkerbell. He’s flanked on all sides by his love interests, Zack Morris, Kelly, Slater, and…Elmira from Tiny Toons? I don’t know. The skull necklace is my clue. Otherwise, I have no idea who this is.2014-09-10 15.45.38

Our story this month is called “Screech-A-Date” and if that wasn’t enough to scare you off, Slater is very erotically staring at you, breaking the fourth wall. Yeah, Screech’s computer science project is creating a dating site just for Bayside, which seems like a really niche market except, remember, there was once a 900 number just for Bayside students. Bayside students must be the most privileged school in the world.

Screech’s site gives a one hundred question survey which is supposed to give you the perfect match, except all the questions involve knowledge of Dustin Diamond’s porno. Screech is skeptical since he knows Screech’s record with women while Zack Morris has already scoped out his newest sexual harassment victim, random nameless girl.

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Random nameless girl turns into the Incredible Hulk and tells him she enjoys taking boys to meet her father on the first date and going to poetry slams. She also hates kissing on the first date, so Zack Morris concludes he probably won’t get laid with her. This is enough for Slater and Zack Morris to both give Screech’s site a try. Boy, they’re easily impressed!

In the cafeteria (Bayside has a Cafeteria!?!? Since when?!?!), Mr. Belding comes in to a quiet room full of people on their computers. Zack Morris and Screech tell him they’re all filling out profiles for the dating site. Mr. Belding says he wishes they would do something enriching for the community and Screech is all, “Fuck that shit!”

Slater has a date with triplets. Jessie is all, “Feminism! Girl power! I am not defined by a man!” Lisa is distressed to learn her questionaire has been rigged so all the questions are about Screech.

Zack Morris has an idea to force Kelly to date him. He has Screech bring up Kelly’s profile and read it to him. Turns out Kelly doesn’t like guys who lie, have huge egos, or blow off school. Since when? She did marry Zack Morris after all! Zack Morris says he’s going to anticipate her needs, which I can only assume is code for foreplay.

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Screech, meanwhile, is depressed Lisa deleted her profile because that means he can’t look at her locked X-rated pictures.2014-09-10 15.46.00

Kelly says she has an inbox full of shallow boys, one of whom want to see her “pom poms” but Lisa says that was her because she wants to design a hat out of them. Wait…Lisa wants Kelly’s breasts on her head? Kelly says she doesn’t want a shallow guy.2014-09-10 15.46.10

Meanwhile random girl from the cover, whose name is Leslie, says that Kelly should just put out for all the guys who email her and get it over with. Since Leslie is a total loser, Kelly decides to send Leslie on a date from her profile to see if the guy is shallow or not. Meanwhile, Kelly will go on one of Leslie’s dates.

A guy named “Bay-Z” has a one hundred percent match with Kelly and, at The Max, we find out Bay-Z is, naturally, Zack Morris. Leslie, posing as Kelly, agrees to go out with him and they agree on a picnic at the park.
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At the park, Screech is playing waiter because it’s common for teenagers to have waiters on their dates at picnics. Kelly tags along with Leslie to find out who Bay-Z is and she’s all, “Oh, no, it’s Zack Morris! He’s such a bad lay!” Leslie meets Zack Morris and he’s quite surprised to find out she’s the one he’s been talking to. Leslie and Zack Morris end up hating each other because he’s hella lame and she’s mildly less attractive than Kelly. Leslie then reveals the switch.2014-09-10 15.46.38

Leslie also reveals her fetish for lizards and, when she finds out Screech likes them as well, she falls instantly in love.2014-09-10 15.46.45

Meanwhile, Kelly left at some point to go on her date with Herbert, who, since he wears glasses and has no taste in fashion, must be a nerd. Herbert realizes Kelly’s an idiot and Kelly reveals Herbert’s real match is Leslie. Herbert wants to get it on with Leslie but is scared to ask her out. Kelly says she’ll help him if he will do her a favor.

They go to The Max, where Kelly has Zack Morris and Herbert compete against each other over who knows random facts from Kelly’s profile better. Zack Morris thinks Gone with the Wind took place during Desert Storm and that Kappa Maki is a Japanese sorority. Zack Morris finally admits he had Screech show him Kelly’s profile and Kelly’s all, “Fuck you!”

At school, Screech says his web site didn’t bring anyone together. Zack Morris asks Screech about Leslie and he says he blew her off because he has to have a reason to continue sexually harassing Lisa. We see Kelly brought Leslie and Herbert together and Jessie is all, “Feminism! Power to the people!” Screech says he’s tired of the online dating scene so he’s going to create an online poker site featuring a King with Screech’s face on it and a Queen with Lisa’s face.

Leslie thanks Kelly for her help with Herbert and says she hopes Kelly finds her own guy instead of living in the shadow of Zack Morris all her life. Kelly’s second top match was someone named “Tigerfang” but Kelly doesn’t think she’ll ever figure out who that is.

In class, Slater says his date with the twins didn’t go well because they were using a weird triplet language. I think they call it English, Slater, you should learn it.Slater Tigerfang

 

Slater, who suddenly has the physique of Arnold Schwarzenegger in his body building days, says it’s time to retire Tigerfang. Kelly gets a girl boner when she realizes Slater likes sushi and culture and stuff.2014-09-10 15.47.01And our comic ends with Zack Morris hoping to channel Screech’s mom. Does that mean he wants to fuck her?

Saved by the Bell #1.3 (Roar Comics)

Real life got busy so I’ve got a couple of these Roar Comics reviews to catch up on. First is Issue #3.
Untitled3 Our cover is Screech playing Superman. Behind him, Zack Morris and Slater have grown tall with the assistance of Rita Repulsa’s magic wand and are dressed as the Hamburglar to boot. Kevin is in between them, leading me to believe that all three are preparing to have their way with ‘ole Screech.Untitled4 Our story this month is called “Screech ‘Super’ Powers” and we open with Screech putting up a banner for homecoming while Mr. Belding watches from below. As usual, Screech believes that he is invaluable to Mr. Belding, but Mr. Belding tells him that he’s the only kid free on a Friday night, which I find highly unlikely. I’m sure Alan is around somewhere.Untitled5Oh and it appears Mr. Belding is high, which would explain a lot about his mannerisms from the eleven years he was a part of the Saved by the Bell franchise.Untitled6So a masked man with a knife approaches me demanding my wallet. My first reaction is not going to be to ask whether they’re from the ski club or not. Wait, why does Bayside have a ski club? They’re in Southern California! I doubt there is much snow there!

Which makes me wonder how this guy got in to the school. I can tell you from first hand experience that, after the high profile school shootings of the last few years, there is a lot of security now. In our school district, you can’t even get in the door unless you’re buzzed in or you have a key card and the security code. So, yeah, this guy shouldn’t even be there.

Mr. Belding keeps pissing off the guy with a knife by asking if he can keep his driver’s license. Yeah, that’s exactly the thing to be worried about when a masked man has a knife aimed at you.

Screech, meanwhile, is completely oblivious to what is going on just a few feet below him. He loses his balance on the ladder and I’ll give you three guesses what happens.Untitled7Yeah, he falls on the mugger. If you didn’t see that coming, you don’t watch near enough of this franchise.

The police come and arrest the mugger and Mr. Belding declares Screech a hero because Screech saved his life. Yeah, your life wouldn’t be in danger if you’d given the mugger your wallet and, I don’t know, NOT PISSED HIM OFF!

At school the next day, Screech’s “save” of Mr. Belding is all anyone can talk about. Zack Morris is jealous that, for a second issue in a row, the writers are focusing on a character other than him, so he tries to insert himself as a brave person too, as does Slater, but no one gives a rat’s ass. Slater tries to show off to Jessie and, yeah…

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I had to look up what Krav Maga even was. Apparently it’s a self-defense system developed by the Israeli military. Yeah, could they have picked something more obscure here? Apparently Jessie is also strong enough to pick Slater up off the ground and bend his body in ways it wasn’t designed to be bent.

Lisa gives Screech a mild compliment, which immediately gives him a hard-on and leads him to the conclusion that he might be able to fuck her if he further impresses her. So, at The Max, Screech introduces his new persona of “Super Powers,” a super hero who wears short athletic shorts, a t-shirt, and a cape.Untitled9Oh, and Kevin is there too, though I don’t know why Zack Morris even bothers saying he doesn’t recognize Kevin since he’s not disguised at all. Lisa tries to sneak out and Kevin attempts to molest her. She, for some reason, believes Screech’s plan to be idiotic, which depresses Screech and convinces him that he needs to rid Bayside of all crime because the comic needed a plot.

Screech starts harassing random people including a security guard, a girl who may be Jessie who got a B+ instead of an A, a jaywalker, and a random jock who failed to recycle. These are hardened criminals alright. Remember, he’s doing this all to impress Lisa. And we see that the sign he was hanging at the beginning is outside the school, which explains how the mugger got Mr. Belding even though there was no indication previously that they were outside.

The gang’s all worried Screech is going to piss someone off and get hurt so Zack Morris agrees to talk to him, and tells him to cut this stupid shit out.

Untitled10Screech’s reasoned response is to jump on a table, knock over their milkshakes, and antagonize a poodle that is inside The Max…for some reason…

I guess the health inspector hasn’t been there in a while.

Zack Morris decides Screech won’t stop until he stops a real criminal. Jessie’s like, “Screech can’t handle an actual criminal who has weapons and stuff.” Zack Morris says he has a plan, and Slater volunteers to help despite the fact he doesn’t know what the plan is yet.Untitled11Sweet mother of Jesus…Zack Morris’s plan is to dress up like Vanilla Ice while Slater dresses up like Fabio? Wow…just wow…

But yeah, Zack Morris and Slater pretend to snatch Kelly’s purse while Screech and Kevin are watching. Screech is all, “I have to take my allergy medication before I can fight crime” and goes back in the school. So he’ll fight a poodle and a jaywalker, but not Vanilla Ice and Fabio?

Zack Morris changes the plan and sends Kelly inside with word that she heard the purse snatchers say they were going to an address later. And we cut to a dark alley with lots of graffiti on the walls, including a mouse’s head, which is apparently a gang sign in the Saved by the Bell universe. Zack Morris purposely picked the hood of LA so Screech wouldn’t question their legitimacy, but real gangsters roll up and want to know why Vanilla Ice and Fabio are encroaching on their territory.

Zack Morris and Slater are about to get the crap beaten out of them when Screech rolls up in his superhero costume. Screech is all, “Your disguises are so horrible I recognized it was you right away,” and, in a fit of stupidity, demands an explanation for what’s going on despite the fact there are some rather large individuals preparing to beat the crap out of the three of them.

The thugs wait patiently while Zack Morris explains to Screech how they were trying to help him. Screech pushes a button on Kevin which appears to start a self-destruct sequence, and one of the thugs declares that the “kid in spandex” is bat shit crazy. If they’re referring to Screech, they’re right, but what spandex? He’s wearing a t-shirt and athletic shorts. There’s no spandex there.Untitled12The three escape into a nearby cab that Kevin is somehow driving despite the fact that a couple panels earlier he was attacking the thugs. There’s just something wrong with a robot who has no opposable thumbs trying to drive a car.

Back at The Max, Screech admits he didn’t actually save Mr. Belding but that it was all a freak accident, and he admits that the entire Super Powers thing was his latest scheme to get it on with Lisa. And we end with Screech declaring that Kevin is hella pissed off at Zack Morris and Slater because they didn’t tip him for the cab ride. Yeah…Untitled13

Saved by the Bell #1 (Harvey Comics)

When I started doing Roar’s Saved by the Bell comic, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be neat to dig Harvey’s incarnation out of obscurity and review it?” I figured it would make a great change of pace after the end of a season and, personally, I was curious myself about what these are like. It took some digging, but I finally managed to obtain all seven issues of this series. And boy, is it bad.

You may know Harvey Comics as the publisher who brought us classic children’s comic characters such as Richie Rich, Baby Huey, and Casper the Friendly Ghost. In the early nineties, for whatever god forsaken reason, they started trying their hand at adaptations of cartoons. Everything from Muppet Babies to Back to the Future and even the New Kids on the Block got the Harvey treatment, and most of them were just awful and have rightfully fallen into obscurity in the comic book world.

Enter 1992, and Saved by the Bell was at the height of its popularity. Harvey had already managed to obtain the rights to several other NBC properties and decided to try their hand at NBC’s top-rated teen show. And boy did they get it wrong.

So, without further ado, let’s dig into Saved by the Bell #1 and see just where they went wrong.

sbtb harvey 1 coverOur cover is…a fucking picture…

Yes, my friends, Harvey couldn’t even be bothered to draw a cover for this issue. Instead, it’s a cast photo with word bubbles. This is the epitome of lazy. Did they think people would not realize it was the same Saved by the Bell if they didn’t use a photo?

Anyway, Screech is telling us that he looks even better in this incarnation. Spoiler alert: he doesn’t. And Jessie tells us they’re all even funnier. How pathetic is it when you have to remind your readers that what they’re about to see is supposed to be funny?

Being the first issue, our first page is an introduction to the characters in case some poor soul picked up this comic without ever having seen the show. After lying through his teeth and telling us he’s in Bayside’s “Advanced Genius Program,” Zack Morris introduces his best friends to us: Jessie, Lisa, Slater, and Adam Sandler. Actually, being drawn like Adam Sandler might be an improvement for Screech.

Zack introductionsNext, we see Kelly, who is being flattered by Zack Morris in an attempt to get into her panties. But it doesn’t work well, for, on the next page, she’s dressed as Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island and has resorted to violence in revenge for Zack Morris scheduling a date with another girl on the same day he’s dating Kelly. Oh, Zack Morris.

Story 1: Chillin’ Holiday

Zack Kelly Double DateSo, as our first story starts off with a bang, Zack Morris tells Kelly she’s just an exchange student…a student he’s exchanging phone numbers with. (cue drum roll) Kelly tells Zack Morris he’s an asshole and has no respect for her, which means Kelly in this comic is already quite a bit smarter than Kelly from the show.

Gang at The MaxZack Morris must have been thinking about this long and hard because he goes to The Max and Jessie finishes his sentence for him. Everyone has some advice about what he should do, but I’m not sure if Zack Morris should listen to it because the fact that no one can stop smiling as they talk about his relationship problems signals to me that they’re probably all fresh out of botox surgery and may be under the influence of anesthesia.

Jessie suggests that Zack Morris break his legs so that Kelly will feel sorry for him, which naturally gives him the idea to simulate Kelly’s winter holiday memories from Madison, Wisconsin. Now, here comes a problem: I had assumed that they were at The Max, but an exterior of Bayside High is suddenly shown. They do know The Max isn’t inside Bayside, right?

At Screech’s house, Screech is showing Zack Morris his artificial snow machine, which will simulate the snow of Wisconsin. Just then, Slater comes up and Zack Morris, aka Captain Obvious, declares that it’s Slater!

Slater Captain ObviousSlater has sold pornography of himself to get every girl in town to let him borrow an artificial Christmas tree, which means Los Angeles must be swarming with Mario Lopez porn now. Meanwhile, Jessie and Lisa have painted a background picture to look like a winter wonderland.

The next phase of Zack Morris’s plan is to convince Max to let him turn The Max into a winter wonderland by convincing Max it was his idea all along. And the way to compensate for the temperature is to turn up the air conditioner to full blast for a few hours, which makes complete nonsense.

The Max Winter WonderlandThe next day, Zack Morris has warped the laws of time and space again to somehow make The Max look dead up like a winter village. Come on, I know this is a comic but nothing looks this real. Anyway, Max thinks it looks like Antarctica, which means global warming and penguins must be nearby, and Zack Morris is wearing a curly brown wig so he’ll look like Kelly’s childhood best friend. Slater is dressed as a snowman and Slater has Jessie and Lisa dressed in short skirts so all the guys can perv on them. Oh, and Screech is dressed as Hagar the Horrible.

Then Kelly comes walking in and…oh my god I take back the nice things I said about this incarnation of Kelly. This Kelly is just an idiot.

Kelly at The MaxYes, Kelly, you walk in the outside door to The Max, a door you’ve walked through hundreds of times before, and assume you’ve walked into the freezer. Max just up and decided to put the freezer in his dining room to make it more accessible to thieves and the homeless. ARE YOU A FUCKING MORON?!?!

And, oh, the hijinks. It turns out that Kelly is from Madison County, Florida, not Madison, Wisconsin, and that her best friend was a French poodle. Oh, Zack Morris, you know absolutely nothing about Kelly. Anyway, Kelly is pissed, Zack Morris knocks over the snow machine, causing it to go crazy and smoke, setting off the sprinklers in The Max, causing a mess as well as a waitress slipping, meaning Max will have a worker’s compensation claim on his hands.

Cleaning the Max

Later, everyone is cleaning The Max when Kelly comes in to apologize and tell Zack Morris that it really was sweet that he didn’t know anything about her and forgives him. Then, in a bit of a bipolar rage, she dumps a bucket of water on him. And they lived happily ever after.

Zack Morris wetStory 2: High Resolution

Belding dancing on deskOur second story opens with…Mr. Belding cartoonishly tap dancing on top of his desk. Zack Morris, Slater, and Screech come in and it turns out Mr. Belding is so happy because he’s come up with a scheme whereby there won’t be a school dance unless every student improves his or her grade by at least one point, which seems pretty out there, even by Saved by the Bell standards. And this Mr. Belding doesn’t even care about what it would mean for the students. He’s only concerned with what it will mean for his career.

Belding Principal of the YearFirst of all, did no one bother to see what Dennis Haskins actually looks like before they tired to draw him? He’s the most inconsistently drawn character in this entire book. Second, they do know Mr. Belding’s real first name is not “Mr.,” right? Therefore, M. Belding is not his name.

But who the hell cares at this point.

At The Max, everyone but Jessie is stressing about improving their grades. Zack Morris gets the idea of getting tutors for everyone, starting with Slater’s tutor, Egbert Zizzer. As Zack Morris drags Slater through the air, he says the plan is for Egbert to tutor Slater in Bio-Chemistry while Slater tutors Egbert in female chemistry. Oh the hilarity!

EgbertMeanwhile, Zack Morris creates and sells lists of all the subjects every student is best in so people can be matched with the best tutor. But everyone is hella pissed when they see that Zack Morris is hanging out with a pretty girl while giving them all tutors that actually know the subject. Wait…what? Yeah, I don’t think they fully thought through this plot.

The next page is basically everyone chasing after pretty people instead of studying, including this poor lad who is being harassed for his non-existent Spanish knowledge.

Boy being chasedA week later, Mr. Belding’s secretary, Mrs. Dinkle, brings him the students’ grades. Every single one of them, even Egbert, saw drops in their scores, which is pretty stupid and unbelievable, but whatever. Zack Morris uses the money he earned from selling the lists to pay for a dance at The Max, and Mr. Belding and Mrs. Dinkle end up alone at the Bayside dance having sexy time.Belding Dinkle danceIt’s funny because she’s old and undesirable.

End Features

Every issue of the Harvey series has features at the end. This month, it’s an unscrambling game.

Bayside BuglerYes, Screech has mixed up the quotes, even his own, and has to unscramble them for publication. Can you help the incompetent do it before his time runs out? (In case you’re bored and really want to try it, clues and answers are here.)

We conclude with another cast photo. Why, I don’t know.

Addendum: The Christmas Special

I mentioned that there were seven issues of this series. This includes two specials: a Christmas special and a summer special. After today’s review, though, there will only be five issues left to review. Why you ask? Well, let’s briefly look at the Christmas special.

SBTB harvey christmasLet’s look at the cover. Do you see anything familiar? Why, yes, it’s the exact same promotional photo as issue one except over a Christmas tree. And that’s not where the similarities end, my friends! They’re the EXACT SAME COMIC BOOK, word for word, panel for panel. I’ve never seen anything like it! They actually sold the exact same comic twice as two different issues of the series without saying that anywhere in either of them! It looks like the Christmas special actually came first, because they mistakenly reprinted the notice that issue #1 was coming soon…in issue #1, complete with a teaser for the plot to what turned out to be issue #2.

I thought it would be fun to do the Harvey series, but it may turn out to be even more grueling than The New Class

 

Saved by the Bell #1.2 (Roar Comics)


sbtb2 coverIn our cover this month, Lisa, dressed as the Little Debbie girl, appears to be learning her shapes while Jessie sulks around sullenly. This issue could only be about one thing: Lisa’s obsession with oatmeal creme pies!

Fashion Don't

Our story is called “Fashion Don’t” and we open with Lisa, now dressed as her former teacher, Tina Paladrino, from Good Morning, Miss Bliss, talking to herself and apparently believing the “retro rock” look involves wearing flowy blouses and ankle boots, which tells me the writers of this comic still think the rock look is the ’60s hippie look.

But it appears that Lisa has been filming herself from a tablet inside her locker for what Kelly tells us through the power of exposition is a show called “Baytube,” apparently a podcast style show on fashion. And Lisa is entering her show into a contest to be the Fashion Channel’s student commentator. I have to imagine that, if the Fashion Channel did exist, they would show bad reality shows much like MTV and VH1, maybe a show about a psychopathic California student named Zack Morris who constantly takes advantage of his friends for his own benefit.

Screech and Zack Morris want to be Lisa’s models but she’s all, “Fuck off you losers! What I need is Slater’s big, manly muscles!” But before Slater becomes Lisa’s model, we find out that Lisa’s locker is apparently a Salvation Army drop off location.

Lisa LockerAt The Max, Lisa can’t understand why she’s eleventh place in the contest and Slater displays some Zack Morris-level narcissism about the camera loving him. Kelly tells Lisa it’s because all her clothes are hella expensive and she needs something someone with an after school job can afford because that’s the way fashion shows work: showing realistic fashion choices that teenagers can afford rather than $1,000 purses for them to bug their parents about.

Lisa and Kelly go off to try and recruit a Max waitress to model for them. Meanwhile, Jessie comes in with her heart underwear showing while Slater does his impersonation of Bugs Bunny.

Jessie underwearJessie has been studying for the academic decathlon and is so stressed she doesn’t want to hear Screech’s warning about her immodesty and, instead, slams her books down without looking at what she’s doing, which apparently hits just the right buttons to both trigger the webcam on Lisa’s computer, stop it, and then upload it. Such precision in accidents hasn’t happened since the incident with George W. Bush and a peanut.

Lisa doesn’t bother to find out what was uploaded but, instead, hears it from Zack Morris at school the next day, who’s been perving on Jessie’s butt on the black hole in his hand.

Zack black holeJessie’s ass has a whole hundred views on Baytube, which really isn’t a huge accomplishment considering I get more than a hundred views on a regular basis. And, apparently, all one hundred of those people go to Bayside because they all keep making comments about seeing Jessie’s ass on the internet. It’s not clear, but I assume these are different days since Zack Morris, Lisa, Jessie, and Screech keep changing clothes.

People Know Jessie's AssJessie’s ass has gone viral, as evidenced by her cousin in Ohio watching it, which is kind of creepy. Lisa is now third place, which means that the contest is apparently based on views of Jessie’s ass. Lisa keeps promising to take down the video but then she’s all, “Bitch, yo ass be makin’ me popular and getting me YouTube famous!” Zack Morris, Slater, and Kelly all encourage her to just take Jessie’s ass down but Lisa is sweating Jessie’s ass and doesn’t want to get rid of that sweet soft core porn created by a fluke accident of slamming books down.

Belding Good Luck

Lisa decides fuck her promise to Jessie and decides to keep the video up until after the contest, at which point either Mr. Belding or Don Knotts (I can’t tell which one from the art) says he too saw Jessie’s ass and hopes Lisa wins so he can see it more on television. Oh, and Jessie’s ass is now in first place.

At the Decathlon, Valley is distracting everyone with trash talk about Jessie’s ass. Kelly tries to help by showing off her ass, which I’m not sure how that would help, but whatever. Oh, and Jessie appears to be debating Velma from Scooby-Doo.Jessie Velma
Zack Morris, Slater, and Kelly tell Lisa that Jessie lost the decatholon because she couldn’t think due to the attention her ass was receiving. Lisa says it’s all good because she took down the video due to winning the contest. Lisa has an interview at the Fashion Channel tomorrow. Kelly tells her she a bitch for doing that shit before Jessie.

Lisa goes and finds Jessie at the library, who is freaking out about studying because people seeing her ass has drained her ability to remember stuff. Jessie also appears to be actively having a nervous breakdown.

Jessie nervous breakdownMeanwhile, Jessie has become a punchline so Lisa decides it’s time to do something about it by trying to turn showing your ass into a fashion statement through showing off Kelly and her asses. The executives of the Fashion Channel, which appears to be headquartered in Futurama’s universe, are not amused and tell Lisa to fuck off.

Fashion ChannelThe next day at The Max, Lisa congratulates herself on finally doing the right thing, Zack Morris is obsessed with having seen Kelly’s ass in Lisa’s video, and Jessie shoots ketchup all over herself, prompting Screech to suggest they start a new fashion trend involving spilling food all over yourself. Oh, Screech. You’re such a tactless asshole in this incarnation!

Jessie Ketchup


Saved by the Bell #1.1 (Roar Comics)

So they’ve been promoting this for years now and it’s finally out. In 2010, Lionforge, a digital comic book company, acquired the rights to create a digital Saved by the Bell comic book. And they released the first issue yesterday on their Roar Comics imprint.

So a bit of background on Saved by the Bell and comics. This is not the first attempt to translate Saved by the Bell into a comic format. In 1991, Harvey Comics, who became famous for releasing kid’s comics such as Casper the Friendly Ghost and Richie Rich, tried their hand at a Saved by the Bell comic. And it was horrible. Horribly written, horribly inked, and horribly drawn. It lasted seven total issues before mercifully being cancelled.

I have no idea what this comic will be like. I’m finding out along with you guys. A disclaimer: I’m a television and film critic, not a comic book critic, so this will be a learning curve for me, and I’m looking forward to it! So, with that, here is my review of Roar Comics’s Saved by the Bell issue #1!

Roar SBTB #1 Cover

Our cover is nothing particularly spectacular and I have a feeling that comic book reviewers might even say it’s a bit bland. It shows our seven main characters all posing. For a digital comic of such a nostalgic series, though, I think it does its job. It shows us how all seven characters will be drawn and it’s actually not bad. It looks like some of them have been updated, especially Slater, Zack Morris, and Jessie. Mr. Belding’s portrayal looks a bit off but I’ll just ignore that for now.

Our first story is called “Zack to School” and Zack Morris informs us he has better things to do than go to some freshman orientation, like sexually harass Kelly Kapowski. And wouldn’t you know it, who walks by but Kelly, asking Zack Morris if he’s cutting class.

Zack Cutting Class

He replies, “I can figure out where the gym is.” Hello, editor, I think you meant to say, “I can’t figure out where the gym is.” Otherwise it makes Zack Morris seem like he needs some remedial education. Zack Morris asks Kelly to go to The Max for lunch because that’s where all the cool Bayside kids go on the last open high school campus in America, and almost immediately Jessie and Lisa come out, prompting Kelly to invite them. Zack Morris looks perturbed because he was hoping to fuck Kelly and everyone is cock blocking him. Interesting here, Jessie is a vegan and insists they should be called “Fresh-People” instead of “Freshmen.” I guess that’s fitting for her personality.

In class, Zack Morris tells Screech he has to figure out a way to get Kelly alone at The Max, and Screech offers to eat lots of beans and hand out some flatulence. Zack Morris is understandably not impressed with this plan. Instead, he tells Lisa there’s another girl at Bayside wearing the same outfit she is, prompting her to go home and change. He tells Jessie there’s going to be a pop quiz in Algebra, prompting her to study. OK, the Lisa one I can believe but I have a hard time believing Jessie’s such a dumb ass she’d believe there’s a pop quiz on the first day of school.

Blowing off Screech

Zack Morris tells Screech to fuck off to the cafeteria so he can ask Kelly out. At The Max, Zack Morris comes in late and tells Kelly the others must have gotten lost. She says she had to order because it was getting so late and he picks up the hamburger at the empty seat, preparing to eat it. But turns out Kelly didn’t order it for Zack Morris! Yes it’s, *dum dum dum* Slater’s hamburger!

Slater's Hamburger

Kelly invited Slater to join them since he’s new to town and Zack Morris immediately wants to kill him. He tries to one up Slater when Kelly thinks it’s cool Slater’s dad was in the army. But he does it by saying his own dad was in the KISS army. He fought alongside Gene Simmons to liberate Vietnam to rock ‘n roll all night and party every day.

Slater and Zack Morris both try to pour Kelly some water but Zack Morris spills it all over Kelly’s clothes, prompting her to run to the restroom for an emergency potty break. Slater and Zack Morris start fighting over whose property Kelly is and Slater tells Zack Morris to back off.

Zack Morris invites Kelly to study with him after school. Wait, what the fuck do they have to study on the first day of the freshman year of high school? Zack Morris offers to come along and help and Slater obviously doesn’t like the idea, but Kelly thinks it’s a good idea because she can’t take Slater in the boy’s locker room to show him how ginormous the other kids’ penises are.

Back at school, Zack Morris enlists Screech to help him get Slater into detention. Screech approaches Slater and tells him that he needs to win over Kelly’s friends because she’ll listen to her friends on who she should fuck. Slater tries to be nice to Jessie by offering to carry her books and she assumes he’s trying to say women are weak. He then tells Lisa that she and Screech make a cute couple and she tells Slater to go fuck himself.

Zack Slater shoes

Slater goes to class, and Zack Morris sits next to him, encouraging him to take his shoes off in class because apparently that will get him detention? He then tries to get Slater to wear a hat because apparently Bayside is anal retentive about what its students wear. Finally, Zack Morris order pizza for Slater because eating in class will get him detention. This gets our unnamed teacher to send Slater to Mr. Belding’s office as Zack Morris tells Slater the most important rule at Bayside is don’t fuck with Zack Morris.

Slater Detention

In detention, Slater insists to Mr. Belding that he was framed for the pizza delivery. Mr. Belding doesn’t believe Zack Morris would go that far but decides to investigate anyway.

In the hallway, Jessie and Lisa are bragging about their one defining characteristics. Jessie managed to learn French on her first day of school and Lisa wants to go hang out at the mall. Zack Morris tells them he’s off to fuck Kelly. Mr. Belding confronts Zack Morris about the pizza and Zack Morris denies he had anything to do with it. Right at that moment, Jessie asks Screech if she can borrow a dollar and Screech, right in front of Mr. Belding tells Jessie he gave his last dollar to Zack Morris so Zack Morris could frame Slater with a pizza. Screech suggests she ask the old guy standing right behind him, and our next frame shows Mr. Belding releasing Slater as he brings Zack Morris in.

Slater tells Zack Morris he’s a fuckhead and now he’s going to go fuck Kelly, and Zack Morris tells Slater he better run because she’s been waiting for fifteen minutes.

Slater running

Slater starts running but a hall monitor catches him and sends him back to detention. Seriously, he blames it on Zack Morris but who doesn’t know you’re not supposed to run in the hallways at school? Zack Morris tells Slater he’s a worthy advesary and Slater tells Zack Morris he’s going to fuck him up. The teacher asks Mr. Belding if he thinks those two are going to be a problem. Mr. Belding tells him no way that he scared Zack Morris straight. Oh, the naivete!

Kelly thinks she’s been stood up by both Slater and Zack Morris and seems depressed because she thought they both wanted to go out with her. Because, of course, as a pretty girl, her self-worth depends on guys liking her. Lisa asks which one she would pick and she says neither because they’re both fucking losers who deserve to grow lonely together. So Kelly decides to do the only logical thing to cheer herself up: flirt with older boys, and our comic ends with Zack Morris and Slater watching the scene from detention and blaming each other for Kelly thinking they’re both douches.

Your fault

So not a bad start to the comic! The art is beautiful, much improved over the old Harvey comics and, despite a few inconsistencies, the artists and writers seem very talented and they have actually captured the spirit of the old Saved by the Bell series, cheesiness and all, very well. If you like Saved by the Bell, check this comic out. It’s $1.99 on Amazon so it’s pretty reasonably priced. We’ll see in the coming issues if it maintains my attention.