The New Class Season 3, Episode 2: “Love Bugs”


We open with Maria showing her new found Bayside spirit by threatening to cut off Ron’s balls and feed them to him if he doesn’t get off the phone so she can try to win tickets to “Grunge Fest” from a radio station. Ron very helpfully agrees to get off the phone as he runs away peeing himself. Maria, however, is unable to get through because the line is busy.


Tommy D continues his quest to try and get back with Lindsay since he knows she’s the only girl who will ever give him the time of day. Tommy D finally tells Lindsay how he feels, but Ryan comes up to take Lindsay to lunch, and Tommy D promptly invites himself along, determined not to be cock blocked.
Remember that one kid who would play Copy Cat with you and annoy the living fuck out of you? Well that’s Screech during this episode. He’s deliberately annoying the fuck out of Mr. Belding so he can convince Mr. Belding to buy a new high tech communications system. Mr. Belding finally tells Screech he can do whatever the hell he wants as long as he stops annoying himvlcsnap-2015-01-02-19h01m08s148

At The Max, Lindsay totally has Tommy D and Ryan whipped into doing her every command because she’s apparently the most desired girl in Los Angeles. They both want to be her love slave to prove their devotion so she takes full advantage of it.

vlcsnap-2015-01-02-19h01m41s232Maria continues her quest to get tickets to Grunge Fest. When she realizes R.J. is on the phone with them, she promptly grabs away his cell phone and tries to claim his free tickets. She…seriously needs to be slapped right now. Seriously, is this her entire personality: being an abrasive bitch? Oh, but the battery goes dead! Too bad!

R.J. puts a new battery in. Maria doesn’t want to try again because she’s tired of trying so Lindsay tries instead. Despite the fact that Maria says she’s been trying to get through for two days and the line is constantly busy, Lindsay gets right through and wins two tickets. Ryan and Tommy D fight over who Lindsay’s going to take and Lindsay just can’t decide between Arrogant and Brainless. Uh, why not pick R.J. since you did use his fucking phone! Jesus, people are rude in this episode!

In the time honored tradition of Saved by the Bell, Rachel decides the best way to choose is to have a slumber party and have Maria and her help Lindsay pick. Or…you could flip a coin like a rational human being. But, oh joy, we get to rip off the slumber party episode…again. I swear, if Tommy D dresses in drag, I’m quitting this blog.

Back at Bayside, Mr. Belding feels like Madonna wearing a wireless headset that they emphasize Screech bought with school funds without prior authorization for $1,000. Mr. Belding is easily impressed that the headset is wireless. Next he’ll be impressed the light switch makes the room light and dark.

Tommy D comes in to give Mr. Belding his car keys. Seems he’s still Mr. Belding’s personal auto mechanic this season and gave it a tune up. He hears Mr. Belding on the radio and Screech explains about the new equipment. He then…randomly tells Tommy D about the time Zack Morris and he bugged a slumber party. Seriously, it just came the fuck out of nowhere. Of course, this gives Tommy D the idea to bug the girls’ slumber party because contrivances are contrived. Also, Mr. Belding manages to fall in the pool wearing the headset. Way to go.

Tommy D sneaks in Lindsay’s room to hide a microphone in one of Lindsay’s bears. vlcsnap-2015-01-02-19h06m24s250

He hears someone coming and hides in the closet thinking it’s Lindsay, but it’s actually Ryan and R.J. come to do the exact same thing because…plot?vlcsnap-2015-01-02-19h06m48s231

The girls really do come this time so Ryan and R.J. hide under the bed. Why is it on television, beds always have enough room to hide under? I was always jealous of this as a kid that my bed was not so designed. vlcsnap-2015-01-02-19h07m40s228

We get our obligatory “the girls almost discover the boys” gags, including all three girls trying to open the closet as Tommy D tries to keep it shut. Judging by the look on Rachel’s face, though, I think she’s enjoying holding onto Maria more than getting the door open.

The boys are saved by the arrival of pizza and, given the usual trend in this franchise, I’m surprised the pizza man didn’t just come to her bedroom door but actually rang the front door. Ryan and R.J. sneak out first, followed shortly by Tommy D when Lindsay comes back to get money where Tommy D quite literally hides under a rug.

Ryan and R.J. set up base at The Max, where whoever owns it now just lets them set up lots of electronic equipment, apparently.

Tommy D sets up in Mr. Belding’s office and looks prepared to orgasm over his burrito. Screech comes in to pick up the equipment and send it back, and he’s shocked to find out his contrived line actually lead to Tommy D bugging a slumber party. Mr. Belding comes in randomly and reminds Screech that, if anything happens to the equipment, the company won’t take it back.

Screech tells Tommy D he has to be honest with Lindsay if he wants to get back with her so he needs to tell her he was eavesdropping on her. vlcsnap-2015-01-02-19h11m03s213

Screech then pulls off the receiver, causing it to explode in a giant puff of smoke that makes me wonder if it’s powered by miniature nuclear power. This sends feedback to both Ryan and R.J. at The Max as well as the girls at the slumber party. Maria discovers the bug and a packet of salsa. Knowing that Tommy D loves carrying salsa in his jacket since…the beginning of this episode…Lindsay decides that it must be Tommy D who bugged the slumber party, and she plans revenge with the girls. All this time, I’m not sure what’s preventing Ryan and R.J. from hearing them, but they don’t somehow because…inverted laws of physics?vlcsnap-2015-01-02-19h11m49s173

Lindsay tells Maria and Rachel in the bear that she wants a guy to sing and dance for the one he loved like an old musical and that, if a guy did that for her, she’d definitely go out with him.

vlcsnap-2015-01-02-19h13m02s135The next day, naturally, Ryan comes in and sings and dances for Lindsay, complete with musical accompaniment that must be coming directly from Heaven because there’s nothing there playing the music despite the presence of the music. Lindsay feels bad she blamed Tommy D for the eavesdropping when it’s obvious Ryan’s the piece of crap.

Meanwhile, Tommy D tells Screech no one in the school shop class can fix the radio equipment, because school shop classes are the number one places to take broken radio equipment to be repaired. Screech tells Tommy D that Mr. Belding is going to kill him and reminds Tommy D he needs to confess his crimes to Lindsay.

Tommy D goes over to the girls but, before he can confess, Lindsay asks him to Grunge Fest. That’s suddenly enough for him not to want to confess anymore so he just forgets about it and walks away. Screech comes up and, in his usual dumb ass fashion, butts his nose into the gang’s business and tells Lindsay that he hopes she can eventually forgive Tommy D. Lindsay says there’s no way she’d go with either of these idiots but that she will teach them a lesson.

Screech meanwhile can’t bring himself to tell Mr. Belding about the equipment because…conflict…so he just randomly hits on Mr. Belding, since that makes everything so much better.

At The Max, Lindsay tells Ryan and Tommy D that she’s getting into the spirit of Grunge Fest. She says she will take whichever one of them can make themselves look more like this show’s idea of grunge that has nothing to do with actual grunge since the writers are trying to be hip about something they obviously don’t know anything about. Yes, they are definitely confusing punk and ska with grunge. Their idea is for Maria to shave their heads and Rachel to pierce their noses. vlcsnap-2015-01-02-19h17m07s15

And R.J. comes running in, pretending to be the latest victim of Rachel’s male mutilating ways. Yeah, it’s like he’s actually trying to cover up his red nose. Both Ryan and Tommy D run away in fear that they too might fall victim to adults not understanding the hip new trends.


In the gym, Screech holds a clothing sale to try and raise $1,000 so Mr. Belding need never know about his latest bout of idiocy. Things go south, though, when Rachel, Maria, and Ron recognize some of the stuff as theirs and Screech reveals he got all the stuff from lost and found.

Ryan and Tommy D both come in to see Lindsay with a normal head of hair. Ryan and Tommy D both figure out the other bugged the slumber party despite the fact that Tommy D was there when Ryan and R.J. entered the room and should have heard them talking. But this is Tommy D we’re talking about and he is a complete moron.

Lindsay says she’s not taking either of these brain trusts to Grunge Fest and is, instead, taking Maria since, at least then, she has a bodyguard in case the actual grungers come after them for completely misunderstanding the genre of music. R.J. comes in all high and mighty without a bandage and tells them they were dumb for bugging Lindsay’s room, despite the fact that R.J. helped Ryan set up the equipment, which actually makes him just as culpable as Ryan and Tommy D, but this is The New Class we’re talking about and no one cares about what makes sense. Screech tells Tommy D he should have confessed sooner and a voice under a football helmet tells Screech he should have taken that advice himself.
vlcsnap-2015-01-02-19h20m09s50It’s Mr. Belding, telling Screech he found the broken equipment and was able to repair it because he was once in the ham radio club. Yeah, BULL FUCKING SHIT! Solid state equipment is not that easy to fix. And our episode ends with Screech practically orgasming over Mr. Belding’s ability to fix his stupid mistakes.


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