The New Class Season 5, Episode 7: “The Great Stain Robbery”

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Ah, it’s time to rip off this episode. You remember, the one where Mr. Tuttle randomly gave the students money to develop and sell products. Except this time it’s a one episode teacher, “Mr. Bobbins,” and he’s not giving his students any money but still expects them to develop and sell products. Way to get rid of the only element that made the original plot possible: money. Even if we questioned where the hell Mr. Tuttle got his money, at least he realistically enabled his students.

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In the hallway, Nicky wants to team up with Ryan, but Ryan says everyone will want to be his partner because he’s just super awesome like that. He soon finds, though, that Maria and Eric both think he sucks ass and, since Katie and Liz are barely in the episode this week and aren’t in this class, he’s stuck with Nicky, determined they’re going to get an A. That leaves Maria and Eric teamed up.

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Meanwhile, we get our subplot: Mr. Belding thinks Screech’s incompetence is so great that the school board must witness it! No, that would make too much sense. Actually, Screech has made some pitch about computers at Bayside and Mr. Belding wants him to deliver it to the school board himself. Screech has a fear of public speaking, though, something that’s never been mentioned before in the decade he’s been a part of this franchise because plot. In fact, as I recall, he didn’t have much of a problem speaking at graduation or for various class projects. Surprise, surprise, The New Class has forgotten various plot points.

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At…I guess Maria’s house since there’s no bunk beds, it’s never actually acknowledged where we are, Eric and Maria formulate their product: a dye to make a spot on one of Maria’s shirts disappear. Somehow, this dye turns out to be an awesome stain remover that makes the spot completely disappear, making me think that Eric doesn’t actually understand what a dye is. Yeah, I cant figure out for the life of me how you could get from a dye to a stain remover, but the two think it will be an awesome way to make money since they’ve been complaining about their lack of money most of the scene. Yeah, the money they make at the mall must go for hookers and booze.

Oh, and yay that we’re also ripping off the pimple cream episode. The resolution of this episode won’t be obvious to anyone who’s watched the original series.

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In Mr. Belding’s office, Mr. Belding decides to help Screech overcome his fear of public speaking that never existed before this episode.

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And we get to see Screech make this disturbing face, proving once again that he was unjustly overlooked for The Garbage Pail Kids Movie.

Naturally, Screech has trouble speaking to just Mr. Belding because that’s totally how fear of public speaking works. Mr. Belding tells Screech to picture him in his underwear…

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…and Screech is only too happy to take that directive literally. Oh, Screech, you wonder why girls naturally run from you. It’s because they can smell your homoeroticism from a mile away. In any case, this doesn’t help Screech focus so Mr. Belding decides they’ll just have to try something different tomorrow so they can stretch out this subplot.

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And…it’s apparently already time for the business projects to be due because not only did Mr. Bobbins not give them money but he also gave them an unrealistic deadline.  I guess you could argue we skipped ahead to the future but then why is Screech only now tackling his fake fear of public speaking?

In any case, Ryan and Nicky’s product is basically a tool belt repurposed, which must of taken them all of a trip to home depot to develop. Because they’re such great friends, Maria and Eric heckle the two and make fun of their suck ass product because I guess there can only be one A and it needs to be fought for?

When it comes time for Maria and Eric to demonstrate their product, Maria pours ink on Mr. Bobbins’ jacket and then used the stain remover, which they’ve dubbed “Scrubbo,” to remove it. Through some not so subtle camera cuts, the stain comes out. Mr. Bobbins is so impressed he gives the two an A+ because they were actually able to complete his assignment, and everyone wants a bottle of Scrubbo.

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The next day, apparently Maria and Eric were just randomly allowed to take over the gym to film an infomercial for their product. I’m glad that Bayside is a place where the every whim of its students is capitulated to. Maria’s hesitant suddenly because she wonders whether they tested Scrubbo enough, but Eric is all, “Money!” and she forgets about her objections.

So, yeah, they film the informercial featuring Eric with a dirty jersey…

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…and Katie, in her first appearance this episode, with a barely visible stain on her shirt. This demonstration is enough to make people rush the stage to buy Scrubbo because stains are apparently a major issue at Bayside. What is in their fucking walls that’s creating stains a washing machine can’t get out?

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Meanwhile, Mr. Bleding teaches Screech how to meditate…on bean bag chairs? Mr. Belding tells Screech to clear his mind, but that instruction wasn’t needed since there’s nothing there to begin with. It’s impressive that the writers know meditation exists but they’ve apparently only heard of mantra meditation as Mr. Belding tells Screech he needs a phrase to repeat. Being a dumb ass, Screech picks the words “waffle,” making him hungry in the middle of the meditation, so he runs to the cafeteria to eat since I guess the cafeteria at Bayside serves food twenty-four hours a day.

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In the hallway, Eric sells Scrubbo to the whole football team, and they must be taking lessons from Tommy D on intelligence as they don’t understand what scoring off the field means. It’s nice to see the spirit of Tommy D is alive and well on this show.

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Maria reveals that, surprise, surprise, Scrubbo ate through her shirt because a dye that turned out to be a stain remover is apparently made from acid. Fucking hell. I don’t think the writers understand how chemistry works. In any case, Eric convinces her that it must have been the number of cleaners she used on the shirt so they can drag their plot out a while longer.

At The Max, Mr. Russell apparently decided to let the gang do whatever the fuck they wanted as usual, as Maria and Eric are busy preparing for a…Scrubbo party. Yeah, there’s nothing that spells party more than stain remover! We do get an aside, though, that Mr. Belding bought several bottles of Scrubbo and is on his way to the school board meeting, where I’m sure nothing will go wrong. We also get a reminder that Ryan and Nicky’s belts are stupid.

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Maria and Eric announce new Scrubbo products including…Scrubbo locker lather, car cleanser, and sneaker squeaker. Fucking hell, there’s ignorance of chemistry and then there’s The New Class. Apparently no one on this show realizes that chemicals have different reactions on different surfaces. The stupid is shutting my brain down and I want off!

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This whole line is short lived, though, as people’s clothes just start randomly disintegrating, starting with Katie and Liz, who is making her first appearance in the episode thirteen and a half minutes in. The football team also comes in with disintegrating uniforms and Scrubbo seems to predictably be malfunctioning.

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At the school board meeting, Screech gives his speech successfully, but we only hear the last few seconds so that we don’t have to witness Screech being competent out of character. The real question is: why does the school board hold meetings in Bayside’s gym? Is this the only school district in the world without its own administration building? Also, why is the superintendent not there and why is this the only school board meeting ever where Mr. Belding and Screech are the only guests? Of course, this is probably another example of the writers having no fucking clue how the education system works.

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Mr. Belding stands up to address the school board and discovers his pants have disintegrated where he used Scrubbo, meaning he flashes the school board. The more disturbing thing, though, is that we find out Screech accurately imagined Mr. Belding’s underwear earlier in the episode. If I were him, I’d change the locks on the door, install a security system, and adopt a guard dog.

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The next day in the hallway, Maria and Eric try to hide from disgruntled students who are pissed to have been made a plot point. Eric insists the way to get through all of this is just to keep denying that Scrubbo is responsible for the clothing damage because that’s a viable option at this point.

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Mr. Belding and Screech hand the two a summons to…business class court…after school. Oh, god, this is going to be ridiculous, isn’t it?

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Of course it is, as Screech gets to be the prosecutor…for some reason. And he’s about as incompetent as you’d imagine. He’s over the top in this scene, even for Screech, and it’s painful to watch. He struts around, talking ridiculously and calling irrelevant witnesses like Ryan and Nicky who had nothing to do with this plot, and lunging at Eric across a table at one point. It’s painful to watch and even the audience seems to be divided on whether it’s funny or not. At this point, I’m thinking that the denial defense may actually be viable.

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Unfortunately for them, they forget completely about the denial defense and just randomly fight over who’s to blame for this whole episode. Mr. Bobbins, acting as judge, decides he has to rule for Screech since there’s no real defense and that, because Eric and Maria didn’t properly test their alien substance that cleans all surfaces while also acting as an acid, they have to pay back everyone for both the bottle of Scrubbo and the ruined clothes.

At The Max, Maria and Eric pay back as many students as they can, including Katie and Liz, who have been so vital to this episode and actually could have been replaced by bit parts, and tell the rest to come back when they have more money. They repeat the theme of the episode, in case it was too stupid for you to catch on to: always test your high school created products before you sell them to avoid liability.

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And our episode ends with Maria and Eric cleaning The Max  to earn money using Ryan and Nicky’s stupid belts, because I absolutely needed resolution for that crucial plot point. I guess Mr. Russell must be really rich to just be able to randomly hire people to do nothing but the job that his bussers are supposed to be doing. It’s a good thing that there are enough hours in the day for Maria and Eric  to go to school and hold down two jobs each. Wasn’t that an already forgotten plot point last season?

2 responses to “The New Class Season 5, Episode 7: “The Great Stain Robbery”

  1. ILovedKellyKapowski

    Mr. Bobbins really sucks as a teacher. First, he should’ve advised Maria and Eric to test their product thoroughly. That’s just obvious.

    Mr. Bobbins also should’ve devoted class time to teaching his students about Limited Liability Partnerships (LLPs) or incorporating Scrubbo, so that Maria and Eric’s liability is only limited to the $$$ they originally invested.

    (I’m sure resident schemer Ryan was aware of the advantages of LLPs and incorporation, but decided to withhold this information because he’s still butt-hurt that Eric and Maria made fun of his toolbelt)

    Finally, the whole court scene resembles a class action lawsuit. If that’s the case, then the settlement funds should be equally divided among all the plaintiffs. Eric and Maria can’t just pay off some of the plaintiffs now, then tell the others that they’ll get their money at a later date.

  2. Is it me, or as the seasons past they dressed Maria more and more sexy?

    Not that I’m complaining. I always thought Samantha Esteban was hot. But wasn’t she the kind of tomboy in season 3?

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