We open in Mr. Belding’s office where the gang are bummed to find out that Bayside is in the middle of one of its many budget shortfalls so the six of them won’t be able to take the annual ski trip only people in the opening credits can take. Uh, Screech’s grandfather owns a ski lodge and is indebted to the gang for its continued existence. You could at least make it something they won’t be able to get around rather.
Yes, this is your standard fundraising episode, except this time we’re going to have a “country fair,” whatever the fuck that is, as the writers of this show are really running out of ideas for believable events the gang can put on for their many fundraising needs. Nicky’s going to organize and the rest of the gang agree to help except for Liz because suddenly swimming makes her too busy to help but not too busy to have a part-time job. Also, shouldn’t this shit be an issue for Ryan, too? Oh, I forgot, it’s not convenient to the plot.
In the hallway, Liz expresses worry because she’s never skied. Ryan assures her that he’ll teach her since he wants a piece of that Liz action sometime this season. After she walks away, Eric reminds Ryan that they both suck at skiing so they vow to practice before the trip.
And now meet our subplot, the new French teacher, Ms. LaGrange, and I honestly don’t know whether she’s a bad actress or doing a horrible French accent as there’s very little information about her on IMDB. The running gag is that Ms. LaGrange thinks Mr. Belding is a hunk of burning love.
Naturally, Mr. Belding tries to impress her with his grasp of French and talks about how he wants her pussy on his head. After he leaves, Screech starts convincing himself that people can’t find each other attractive without wanting to jump in bed with each other. Now, normally, I would be on Screech’s side here as nine times out of ten this would be a “evil teacher trying to get our character to cheat” plot. This is the tenth time, though, where we’re just going to do stupid innuendo and misdirection.
Nicky gives the rest of the gang scripts for an advertisement where they all come out of the bathroom at The Max in costume and sing “Old MacBelding had a Fair.” I’m not sure I want to know what Old MacBelding does on that farm. They agree to learn the script but then quickly get distracted by shit involving the ski trip.
Mr. Belding asks Ms. LaGrange for something sexy to say to his wife in French. As Screech watches from nearby, Ms. LaGrange teaches him to say the equivalent of, “I love you, my little cabbage,” which I’m sure will go over well if they’re planning on taking a date to a farmer’s market.
Naturally, Screech jumps to conclusions as we go into a dream sequence where Mr. Belding is dressed as a horrible French caricature and planning on running off to Paris with each other. It’s nice to know that, no matter the nationality, we’ll always have Saved by the Bell to be insensitive. Screech decides it’s up to him to prevent Mr. Belding from leaving the show prematurely.
At The Max, Liz discovers the rest of the gang has completely forgotten about Nicky’s stupid script because they’re ADHD and completely forgot about anything they’re not doing in that very moment.
Nicky shows up dressed as a guy from Deliverance and talks about being a farmer before he starts singing, causing everyone present to cringe in disgust. Nicky runs off, asking people to come to the country fair.
Back at Bayside, everyone apologizes to Nicky for not dressing up as country caricatures. They apologize and promise to do better.
In Ryan and Nicky’s room, Maria and Katie show up with…a goat…
Yeah, in this universe you can apparently rent goats. They give Nicky the goat and run off, leaving him to take the goat outside so it doesn’t shit in the house. What a shitty situation.
While Nicky’s gone, Ryan and Eric spend all of ten seconds on deciding to do a potato puppets booth and then start jumping on the trampolines from “Jessie’s Song” with skis on because this somehow helps them practice skiing.
At The Max, Screech runs in to interrupt what he assumes must be hot hamburger fetish time between Mr. Belding and Ms. LaGrange to do things that he hopes will turn Ms. LaGrange off to Mr. Belding, like imply that he needs a hearing aid or that it’s his seventieth birthday. Okay, so old people are now unattractive in the Saved by the Bell universe, joining the long line of people considered ugly including the fat, the disabled, and the intelligent. I’m sorry but being old in and of itself does not make you ugly. Look at Ian McKellen or Judi Dench. Of course, Saved by the Bell relies on horrible stereotypes so there’s no questioning Mr. Belding’s unatractiveness.
Liz comes in and tells Nicky he needs to stop letting the rest of the gang take advantage of him and make them do some of the work. Nicky instantly decides he may need to as the goat, which he left outside, apparently electrocutes itself as it chews through the electrical lines of The Max.
In Mr. Belding’s office, Nicky tells Mr. Belding they’re not ready for the fair because no one wants to do any shit. The others lose their shit that Nicky would demand anything out of them so Mr. Belding says he’s cancelling the fair and the ski trip until they pull things together at the last minute as usual.
In the hallway, Screech overhears Mr. Belding telling Ms. LaGrange that he can get her the book she wants, A Ticket to Paris. He doesn’t hear that it’s a book and starts freaking the hell out thinking his fantasy sequence is coming true so we can keep up the subplot fake tension and Screech has the opportunity to do stupid shit.
Meanwhile, the gang are mad that Nicky didn’t just want to do shit for them but Liz tells them they’re a bunch of fucking morons who didn’t do shit. They instantly agree with him and go to tell Nicky they’re sorry. They ask for another chance and say that they’ll convince Mr. Belding to give them another chance and that they’ll do the work this time.
So we get a montage of corn shucking in The Max. That can’t be good for hygiene or business. Does this place never get health inspectors?
Next we see the girls laugh like morons because Katie accidentally painted Maria’s face. How quaint.
Finally, we see them set up a…cow milking station? What the hell kind of fair is this going to be? Because I like to pay to squeeze milk out of a balloon. At least I hope that it’s a balloon.
Also, the goat’s apparently not dead and walks through the hallway advertising the fair because…why the hell not?
And, with that, it’s time for the country fair, where people are really confused what stereotype they’re supposed to be representing. It seems we have a barbershop quartet singer and a salsa dancer joining in.
Nicky thanks Liz for talking some sense into his idiot friends and tells her he appreciates that she’s the only one at Bayside he can actually count on.
Our subplot wraps up as Screech dresses like a gypsy woman tries to convince Ms. LaGrange that he and Mr. Belding had a pig baby together. No, really, that’s a pig in the blanket because what this episode was lacking was more farm animals. Mr. Belding comes up and Screech begs them not to run off to Paris together.
Just then, Ms. LaGrange’s husband walks up and they go away embrassed Screech apologizes and Mr. Belding tells him the moral of this subplot is, “Don’t be a fucking dumb ass and poke your nose into your boss’s affairs.”
Our gang discover they’ve raised enough money for the six of them to go on the ski trip because fuck everyone else at Bayside. It’s a good thing the students at this school are so willing to go along with our gang’s every whim so they can have a magical high school experience.
And our episode ends with a dumb struck Ryan finding out that Nicky wants to date Liz, because apparently we’re bringing back the rivalry running plot after all. Isn’t it nice to know this show will never have a original idea?
Firsts: Nicky likes Liz, rivalry over Liz.